I Have A Porno That Starts Like This

November 22nd, 2008 | 09:18 am
When I was in school, my lunch lady looked like a cross between Burt Reynolds and a Manatee.  I would have been super excited if she had looked anything like "Crystal Gunns."  
 
I love how they "just" figured out she was a porn star.  I wonder who played detective on that one.  Because if the triple F sized breasts didn't give it away, it had to be something REALLY obvious.  Like, maybe when she was serving sloppy joes, she'd ask the kids, "you want it sloppy?  You want that shit sloppy, Billy?  Yeaaaah, oh god, yeah, grab that sloppy joe, grab that shit and put more sauce on it.  Get sauce allllll ooooover my sloppy joe.  Now move to the end of the line and grab an OJ."
 
Lastly, my favorite part of this is that the one male parent is like "eh, it's not that big a deal."

12 Responses to "I Have A Porno That Starts Like This"

  1. Doug Says:

    Actually, her breast size is mentioned at the end of this personal profile:
    Crystal Gunns Personal Profile
    Birth Date: 20 March 1976, Bronx, New York City, New York, USA
    Height: 5 ft 4 in (1.63 m)
    Weight: 121 lb (55 kg)
    Hair colour: Blonde/Brunette
    Eye colour: Brown
    Measurements: 46GGG-26-34

    Thats tripple G's, not tripple F's :)

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Who else finds it hilarious that the fat bitch sounds like she didn't swallow her bacon thoroughly from that morning? She should be just as concerned with her horrendous perm and triple g chin as she is about whether Ms Gunns did some hand jobs for a check.

  3. smarv00 Says:

    Two things, first: is it wrong that I got a little chubbed up reading about Billy, and second is it worse that I now have a craving for sloppy joes....

  4. Bill Says:

    Fuck, Ms. Gunns. That anchor is scorching hot. Who is she?

  5. KlLLUALL Says:

    doesn't work

  6. eastride Says:

    Not that it matters all that much, but their actually triple G's...

  7. Pratik Says:

    Just wondering... what could Ms. Gunns do to interfere with the kids? I mean, just being around the kids isn't going to infect them with a porno-virus or suddenly give all the little boys raging hard-ons.

    Why is it that people think kids will suddenly die from malaria if they are merely in the vicinity of someone that they don't approve of?

  8. analnomous Says:

    surprise, surprise, fatty wants her out. i wonder if they've seen increased father participation at pta meetings.

  9. Josh Says:

    I had to replay it, cause I sware that parent said "It's in her ass..." It took me like 10 replays to realize he said "It's in her PAST..."

  10. PoisonedV Says:

    nevermind

  11. PoisonedV Says:

    video wont play

  12. Joe Says:

    School, "It's amazing... We have never had so many male parents attend open house night before - thanks channel 3!"