The phrase “it seemed like a good idea at the time” comes to mind.
I remember it was early December, Tebow Time was in full effect. My beloved Denver Broncos were a team in peril. Without a franchise quarterback to lead us to victory, the Broncs were playing themselves in to yet another abysmal, forgettable year.
But then, from the ashes, arose a phoenix. That phoenix was named Tim, and man, did he really like Jesus. This man named Tim had been a highly hyped quarterback that many experts believed couldn’t make the transition to the NFL; that his play style only worked on the college level. Boy, did he prove the “experts” wrong. With Tim at the helm, my Broncs won 7 out of 8 games. It looked like Tebow Time would be here to stay for at least a decade.
And then Peyton Manning decided to piece together his obliterated neck and tested the free agency waters. At first, I was not worried. It looked like Peyton was heading for Miami. And then Arizona. And then Tennessee. And then San Francisco. I didn’t care, because none of those cities were Denver and none of those teams were the Broncos. But then, Peyton showed some interest in Denver. And then that interest grew. And then that interest turned in to a very long meeting with John Elway and the Broncos higher-ups. And now it looks like Peyton Manning is going to be a Bronco, effectively pushing out my main man Tim Tebow.
Which leads me to my thesis statement:
Why the fuck did I get a tattoo of Tim Tebow as a centaur that’s wearing a Broncos helmet with the words “Tebow Time” etched beside it? Hindsight being 20/20, I think it’s because I was very drunk at the time. I was also riding high on the wave of unbridled enthusiasm that filled my heart, and the hearts of many a Broncos fan, over the fact that we finally had a quarterback worth a damn. But moreso the thing about being drunk – that was a huge deciding factor, for sure.
At the time, getting a picture of a shirtless Tim Tebow that’s part horse permanently drawn on to my body made more sense than anything else. Admittedly, I didn’t have much going for me, what with the divorce and the restraining order and all; football, my Broncs, were all that I had left. So, you know how it goes – you gather with your buddies to watch some football, some drinks are consumed, and a few hours later you’re arguing about whether the centaur Tebow should have a massive horse cock. I chose to leave out the massive horse cock out of Tim’s strict Christian beliefs, and because I wanted to one day be 80 years old and not regret anything I had done to my body. Sadly, that train of thought ended at the words “massive horse cock,” which within any other context would be a perfect place to end a train of thought, but it falls short of the goal line, as it were, when the context is a tattoo of Tim Tebow as a centaur.
Do I regret my decision to get a tattoo of Tim Tebow as a centaur? Yes and no. I am sad that Tim may not be back with the Broncos next season, but I’ve been a life-long Brett Favre fan. All I have to do is change the helmet logo to a the Packers’ signature yellow “G” and change the lettering from “Tebow Time” to “Favre Fever.” Yes, Brett Favre is retired, but hey, I saw those pictures that Brett tweeted to that chick. I might be able to use that massive horse cock after all.
Yay for me.