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If Chick Flicks Were Made For Guys

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and that means you’ll probably end up having to watch a chick flick before you get to have sex.  So we decided we’d take some popular chick flicks and show you what they might look like if they were made for dudes.


43 Responses to "If Chick Flicks Were Made For Guys"

  1. The Dradle says:

    sounds like someone had no date for valentine’s day. stop being so bitter, get dolled up, and get out there and socialize! Perhaps if you didn’t speak of men as objectifyingly ignorant individuals they would pay more attention to you. and get in the kitchen.

  2. Pierre says:

    the problem is that you ignore the fact that most body augmentation and steroid use is the result of mental issues (self worth, self image, etc).

  3. Anonymous says:


  4. Anonymous says:


  5. Junggai says:

    Amazing how brilliant those women’s studies courses are. So you mean men like to watch horror movies because they secretly fear and hate women? Doggonit, one more mystery solved, by our friends and colleagues in the women’s studies department. I’m sure these extraordinary claims were backed by extraordinary evidence, right?


    The only difference between women’s studies and real academic disciplines is that no one calls them out when they outrageous statements with no research to back them up.

  6. justin says:
    Holy shit, I had not seen that.  Apologies to regretful morning, we don’t like to partake in doing something that’s already been done, but its the internet, and I haven’t seen everything on every site. 
  7. Anonymous says:

    the thing about plastic surgery is that us men honestly don’t care enough to do this kind of stuff… we are just to damn lazy and don’t care enough. It’s not sexist its just the truth.

  8. Sgt. Stedenko says:


  9. Anonymous says:

    I was with there when you were talking about what they taught you in Women’s Studies. But you lost me when you actually agreed with that pseudoscientific chauvinistic bullshit. Are you telling me you actually believe that?

  10. Sex Cam Free says:

    I like the Predator!!!

  11. DeathWish808 says:

    The no look and Titantic ftw.

  12. refusing objectification says:

    women are lazy, too…lol…but society continually tells them they HAVE to do these things to be “loved.” Take a look at the covers of men magazines, and then look at the covers of women’s magazines. Note the differences? The women are always being told ways to “get skinny so he’ll look at and love you” in so many words. Men’s mags only have headlines that apply to the magazine topics. And even the topics are gender specific! Would you EVER see a men’s mag with headlines telling them how to smell good and lose those “love handles” so “she” will love you? And the men’s fitness mags are…I’m sorry…only for other men to look at and admire the models’ powerful bodies. Women don’t look at those magazines…we don’t LIKE men that are all blown up with steroids, and men know it and don’t care. They do it for other men….

  13. Sgt. Stedenko says:

    Shut your face

  14. Mackin says:

    Um, Mike Berryman wasn’t in Mad Max. He was in Hills Have Eyes (the original) and Weird Science, and more recently Devil’s Rejects.

  15. reexor says:


  16. Messatsu says:

    Notting Hill Has Eyes, full of win

  17. gen says:

    i’m a chick and i hate the proverbial “chick flicks” and this shit CRACKED ME UP.

    the boyfriend and i just laughed at this one really hard… especially the Notting Hill has Eyes one… i HATE hugh grant’s stupid gay ass. :)

    these were hilarious. good job holytaco!!!

  18. Ola! says:

    …and tears out your spine.

    Oh yes, damn straight i lolled.

  19. Googlesuperbabyfinger says:

    These are all kind of funny but I wish they were Gaussian blurred a little bit more. :(

  20. HAHA says:

    Slap that bitch, because you too can own the same look of satisfaction as i do.

  21. E says:

    The problem is that all of you people analyzing this are fags

  22. Snow says:

    Horro movies do show the females geting killed alot more, but I think its for the impact. Males get offed in every war, action, and kung fu movie out there. Females get killed in horror. No as far as being envyious of females…. I dont know about all that.

  23. Baked Potato says:

    The No Look…I’m going to definitely check that out. Except I don’t know if I can take an hour and a half of Magic in those short shorts.

  24. WTF says:

    haha, NO WAY! Where have you been? It’s the internet and I HAVE seen it ALL! I can also kick your ass and jump over tall buildings too. Just yesterday I lifted a small train off some old people and kids that were in a burning building. I baddest, smartest, funniest, most knowledgeable person in the universe.

  25. swagg says:

    original and hilarious… kudos to this blog

  26. Rap Music says:

    Now those would be worth watching!!

  27. kingryu says:

    I would pay to see all those films!
    Great choices..especially predator

  28. Anonymous says:

    Yer bitch make me that potato salad before your ass gets sent down the stairs.

  29. Anonymous says:

    No, in your class you sat and were told this was true. You accepted it, and learned absolutely nothing.
    -I know more women that like horror than I do men, and I am male and hate horror. Oh no, your demographics! Incidentally, everyone I know that likes horror watches it because they like to be scared.
    -There are plenty of horror films, especially the more modern and influential ones, where there are victims of both genders. Sex sold horror when it was a niche/cult genre; now it is more popular the focus has gone elsewhere.
    -Does it strike you as something of a non-sequitur to be writing this on a humour site?
    -How about when you see it appear next to the picture links to clearly gender-neutral articles such as “Keyra Augustina’s Ass”?
    -None of what I said will likely have any effect on you, and you’ll feel secure with your “knowledge”. What will you do with it? What earthly use is it to you or anyone?

  30. WTF says:

    How original lol….Saw something very similar not too long ago.

  31. refusing objectification says:

    In my Women’s Studies at the university, we learned that men like horrors movies most likely because the women get murdered, tortured, and other horrible things. This may be attributed to men’s inherent envy and fear of women–their ability to easily express emotions, to bear children, and to establish close female friendships. These traits confuse and alienate men from women; thus, they objectify women to make them less human…easier to deal with a “sub-human,” eh, guys…especially if you rape, torture, and murder them in film plots? [Men probably use horror movies as a catharsis for these fears of women, so I'm not implying that all men want to actually DO these things to their female friends and lovers, or any woman.]

  32. refusing objectification says:

    continuing “refusing objectification”…[I knew you were anxious to see what else I had to say]
    Society doesn’t “allow” men to have these emotional luxuries as women get, as men are continually forced to adhere to the ridiculous “machismo” personality, which is extremely stressful. No wonder the guys get stress-related illnesses at higher rates than women. I doubt these gender stereotypes will ever end, especially as the cycle continues as women fall prey to society’s forcing them to become men’s fetish. Don’t see guys getting nipped and tucked, injecting their lips with poisons, hacking their faces apart to pull the skin tighter, or exposing their scalps to toxis hair dye.

  33. miami23 says:

    He knows the quickest way to a man’s heart is with a bullet.


  34. miami23 says:

    He knows the quickest way to a man’s heart… is with a bullet.


  35. justin says:
    Yeah, pretty much.
  36. Chief Sleeping Goat says:

    slow day today eh?

  37. barefoot jim says:

    “Only one thing on Earth should ever come between them.”


  38. Anonymous says:

    “have time time of your death” fucking great!!!!!

  39. Anonymous says:

    rambo one was arite, made me chuckle

  40. Anonymous says:

    This was badass! I usually hate the mash-ups but these were good

  41. torched... says:

    Hey isn’t that creepy guy from Mad Max and Weird Science also in The Golden Child? I think the character’s name was Fu?

  42. Blake says:

    There’s actually a porno called Titanic Wang. By far the best porno sound like a real movie name ever.

  43. Anonymous says:

    “The No-Look”