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If US State Flags Were Honest

State flags are outdated.  Originally, state flags were supposed to embody the history and ideals of the state they represented, but I have no idea what a cow sitting under a tree has to do with Vermont, or how a chick standing on top of a dude represents Virginia in any way. Our state flags need a massive overhaul.  Here are 50 State Flags that more accurately and honestly represent the history and ideals of the states they fly above:
 
 
ALABAMA
 
 
 
ALASKA
 
 
ARIZONA
 
 
 

ARKANSAS
 
 
CALIFORNIA
 
 
COLORADO
 
 
CONNECTICUT
 
 
DELAWARE
 
 
FLORIDA
 
 
GEORGIA
 
 
HAWAII
 
                          
IDAHO
 
 
ILLINOIS
 
 
INDIANA
 
 
IOWA
 
 
KANSAS
 
 
KENTUCKY
 
 
LOUISIANA
 
 
MAINE
 
 
MARYLAND
 
 
MASSACHUSETTS
 
 
MICHIGAN
 
 
MINNESOTA
 
 
MISSISSIPPI
 
 
 
MISSOURI
 
 
MONTANA
 
 
NEBRASKA
 
 
NEVADA
 
 
NEW HAMPSHIRE
 
 
NEW JERSEY
 
 
NEW MEXICO
 
 
NEW YORK
 
 
NORTH CAROLINA
 
 
NORTH DAKOTA
 
 
OHIO
 
 
OKLAHOMA
 
 
OREGON
 
 
PENNSYLVANIA
 
 
RHODE ISLAND
 
 
SOUTH CAROLINA
 
 
SOUTH DAKOTA
 
 
TENNESSEE
 
 
TEXAS
 
 
UTAH
 
 
VERMONT
 
 
VIRGINIA
 
 
WASHINGTON
 
 
WEST VIRGINIA
 
 
WISCONSIN
 
 
WYOMING
 

155 Responses to "If US State Flags Were Honest"

  1. DigBick says:

    I didn’t like California’s…should have been a tie-dye flag with a peace sign – and in each ‘section’ portray what Cali really offers – Marijuana, Gays, Fake Tits, and Wildfires (haha!)

  2. O.o says:

    Why people so set to defend Illinois… just take a joke and get over it instead of having your whole family and neighbors post, it’s just sad :P
    My favorite was Texas tho haha, cuz it’s so freakin’ true.

  3. suck it says:

    we sure as hell are

  4. suck it says:

    i agree w bigdick… that’s what cali has to offer lol

  5. Battleangel says:

    Being from the south. The Southern flags are right on. The Kentucky flag should’ve had some guy banging a horse…

  6. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    I’ve never been to TX but since I grew up in VA my family was close enough to WV to take many vacations there over the years. It really is a beautiful state with a rich history, and it’s small enough that you can see quite a bit in just a few days if you don’t mind driving. It’s compact, I guess you could say. :-)

  7. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    Right on, Delia!

  8. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    Just like in Futurama!

  9. DamnCali says:

    There’s not that many old people here… I like the flacid penis anyway.

  10. Fatal~BluesMan says:

    O.k….How’s this? Q: Why do the trees in West Virginia sway north? A: ‘Cause Ohio sucks so hard!

  11. Fatal~BluesMan says:

    I beg to differ…I lived in Houston, Dallas, & Arlington Texas, and my experiences were that unless one truly enjoys scenic views of ONLY sand,concrete, “which is mixed partly of sand” glass ” which is made entirely of sand ” & being forced to travel to lame ass malls to view anything resembling a tree, within the entire state, I’d recommend a visit to the great state of West Virginia! Scenic beauty, peaceful living, clean air, pure water, & besides…we hardly ever bang our cousins anymore..lol! ” They all moved to Texas to work at a sand/glass factory that layed them off to hire illegal Mexican workers…Yeah…Texas is the shit..the shit on Americas shoe..THANKS GEORGE!

  12. Lame-o says:

    Lots of these flags are lame, but the lamest:

    Indiana, Iowa, Nebraska

    South Dakota, North Dakota (unless that is all they talk about is ‘hating’ each other, in which case… ok. I’ve never been there.)

    Maybe even New Mexico (I didn’t get it.)

    Hey Virginia, I think Louisiana out-titties your lame chest!

  13. Washington pwns says:

    If it weren’t raining right now in Seattle I would complain more about the over-generalization on Washington’s flag.

  14. New Mexican says:

    New Mexico should have said: Please stop asking our citizens if they needed a passport when they visit other states.

    You could also go with: New Mexico: it’s mexico version 2.0! Most of the bugs are fixed! It’s still kinda like mexico, though.

  15. Delia says:

    I lived in Texas for two miserable years. What an awful, butt-ugly state. Do I wish I were still there? God no! I was so glad to get the hell out.

  16. DEADNECK says:

    I’m supprised you didn’t totaly bomb Mississippi this time. Hell, everyone else does.

  17. DEADNECK says:

    F*CK TEXAS!!!!!!!!! Takes way too long to drive through to get somewhere worth a shit! Flat and boring!!!!!

  18. Delia says:

    The thing is, Virginia’s flag really does feature a partially exposed woman. And is the only one that does. (You do realize that’s not Louisiana’s actual flag… right?)

  19. LOL says:

    FUCK YOU

  20. georgia boy says:

    yeah pretty much summed up georgia because if you come you will enjoy georgia with an ice cold coke in your hand

  21. im from maine says:

    They messed up Maine’s flag. We really are only known for lobsters but we have a ton of hicks up here. we should have got new hampshire’s flag

  22. Do the dishes woman says:

    Pahk Yah Cah Somewhere else faggot.

    I was thinking Ma would’ve been a little more either Homosexual orientated or being an Asshole.

  23. cant-ucky says:

    people that use the phrase butt-pirate are most likely that… I’d prefer to call you an anal fissure.

  24. Northerner says:

    I thought it was hilarious

  25. Fuck Ohio says:

    Ohio…sorry it takes so long to drive through.

  26. Telonicus McPhaerson says:

    Texas rules. Everyone else: Fuck y’all.

  27. Croykies says:

    Only North Jersey smells like shit! I mean crap, all of them! haha

  28. A Virginian says:

    Our titty chick owns. Stepping on a dude she stabbed while showing some nip? Awesome.

  29. Croykies says:

    …but not all of the state I meant, doh!

  30. Anonymous... says:

    I believe it is Cobain, Kurt Cobain. not Kobain. I’d have to agree with the idea of serial killers on the Washington flag, Because i believe the idea for the flags was supposed to be an over generalized, somewhere between funny and mocking, stereotype that is supposed to make you go “oooooh! that’s f%^ked up!” but laugh at the same time…rain is just not funny, its a fact.

  31. What he said says:

    I’ll give it a laugh!

  32. Chick from Georgia says:

    The Georgia flag wasn’t redneck related, and it was pretty good. We’re really only known for our airport, Coke, and Atlanta.

  33. Fuck Off says:

    Wow, how surprising is it that most of the flags of the southern states are some form of inbreeding, racist drivel. Good for you, Holy Taco for having a totally creative sense of humor. What a bunch of jerk offs.

  34. titflag says:

    yay my states flag has bewbs

  35. The guy from Texas says:

    I like everybody! As long as they’re from Texas!! **BANG BANG** YEEEEE HAAAAWWWWW!!!! (Rides away on horseback)

  36. Ohio is for Losers says:

    There weren’t any better Ohio jokes on the board? How disappointing.

  37. Gman says:

    Great, whoever thought this up is a genius I cant type laughing to hard.

  38. yeehawww says:

    hilarious. Texas rocks, and if you’re not from here you damn sure wish you were.

  39. another washington guy (still hasnt killed self yet) says:

    Or our high suicide / death rate amongst celebrities! Or our famous serial killers! It barely even rains here… just overcast all the time. all the time. Maybe thats why Kobain off’d himself.

    On second thought, rain flag is fine…

  40. SC son's says:

    u gotta love South Carolinas’ flag

  41. SeattleRain says:

    It rains, pours, drizzles, spits and mists in the PNW, even in the summer, generalization is fine with me. Though, shouldn’t it have had a big a$$ Starbucks cup on it or something? Microsoft symbol maybe?

  42. Da Arnold says:

    45 million for rights to cali.

    Call 1-800-CALIBABY

  43. Gman Blows says:

    Yeah you heard me. Go fuck your self

  44. shartfelch says:

    what happened to the first set of comments on this?? god fucking damn you fucking holy taco pussy-ass faggots.

  45. T-N:ftw says:

    or “anal avenger.” thats always a good one

  46. New Mexico Sucks..I know I live here says:

    The brown thing is because we are a flipping desert and nothing but sand…or for all the mexicans.

  47. Myrtle Beach-er says:

    a guy in south carolina just got caught for doing that….again…the owner almost shot him. Just outside Myrtle Beach too!

  48. Cheap-o says:

    But when they die you can get great deals from the estate sales!

  49. missj says:

    i went to houston during the summer. i wanted to f***ing kill myself. its humid and i couldn’t breathe and the people there are soooooooooooooooooo tacky. i was ecstatic when i came home to california. CA shits on any other state…two times.

  50. Other says:

    hey now! Maryland has more than just crab cakes! We have…um…shit, we really don’t have anything, do we?

  51. Kan-tucky says:

    I would like disagree with that, but their is a large cross-section of butt-pirates in the bluegrass state.

  52. ThePadrino says:

    lol this is pretty dang good i like the for sale cali one

    http://www.thepadrino.com

  53. Bill Gates Jr. says:

    Washington state isn’t only known for Seattle’s rain, we also run a string of world famous farm animal bordellos.

    Why not a flag that reads “Seattle Area Man Dies After Being Fucked To Death By Horse” or “Old Mac Daddy Had A Farm ee aye ee aye oh”

  54. FLORI-DUH says:

    Florida should read ‘Heaven’s waiting room’ Where all the old fucks from up north come to die

  55. MS Red Neck says:

    That green stuff on the bottom is Kudzu vine, really delicious. The Flag is only one of the Confederate Battle Flags the KKK, Nazis and Skin Heads f*cked up for us loyal Rebels.

  56. cal-o-fornicater says:

    California is for SALE??!! I thought we were in foreclosure! LOL

  57. MS Red Neck says:

    No, Maryland has the icy bridge in Wilmington, no, that’s Delaware, my bad, so Delaware’s flag sucks and I forget what it looks like.

  58. dental floss tycoon says:

    UNCLE TED!, man, you made it. Montana’s never been so proud *snif*

  59. I Am Sam says:

    all you fucking north american are ass holes! damn even if the name of your fuck-up country is called “united”"shit”, i mean “states” of “america”… you all act like each state is an individual country. damn your so stupid!

  60. GetMeOuttaButte says:

    I think Montana’s motto is:
    Montana. Where men are men, and sheep are nervous.

  61. mt says:

    Shoulda made the mississippi flag have something to do with fried chicken and the louisiana having soemthing to do with katrina

  62. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    Point taken.

  63. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    “There were seven Spanish angels at the alter of the sun. They were prayin’ for the lovers in the valley of the gun.”

  64. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    Bahaha!

  65. HeavyD says:

    New Mexico’s should be “Thank God for Mississippi” since we are 49th in the nation on everything and Mississippi is 50th.

  66. sirseansy says:

    some of these were fantastic ( EX. NC). some were just old and worn out jokes about the different states (ex. LA &UT).

  67. screwybruce says:

    Illinois is true nothing but power hungry crooks on their flag

  68. saturdaysfinest says:

    Oregon’s flag FTW.

  69. TexAss says:

    I would guess the negative comments about Texas came from illegal immigrants who got deported! lol

  70. John says:

    What about Wisconsin out drinking your state since 1848

  71. dr.d says:

    Very clever indeed! Good effort and fun (we need it!), but most of all:

    1. New Jersey takes the cake (shitty as it may be…get it)! Most Precise award!

    2. Who cares about Illinois! Very few can spell it, less can pronounce it, even fewer go there, and almost NOBODY CARES who, what or when about it. Hell, Obama didn’t like it there, neither did M.J!!! Get on a bus and evolve!

    3. Duhhh, those are the things we all love about California! Best pot on earth, so many gays i can’t keep up with the women coming my way, beautiful firm titties, and watching the rich homes sliding into the ocean!!! IT DOESN’T GET BETTER THAN THAT! DUHHHHHHHHHHH.

    4. And last but not least; If you never leave your house or town…what else is left but incest? You’re probably next! Oh wait, no, stay there, we don’t want weirdos in Cal.

  72. mrbadpantslol says:

    hooray for brown!

  73. Man I hate this state. says:

    Aw man.. The Louisiana one made me feel stupid for living here. GOD I hate LA.

  74. SmellyPoo says:

    If Florida is the limp dick of the US that means Texas is the ass where all our country’s shit comes from

  75. ImRetarded says:

    what the hell? south park is the best you guys could do?

  76. wtf puerto rico? says:

    LOL Puerto Rico! The Pluto of states. We really don’t know how to classify you, but you’re not a state.

  77. codger says:

    Land of Entrapment, I believe is their motto.

  78. ND native says:

    The north dakota flag is so true it is really lame up here. lol

  79. Louisiana has the best flag by far.

  80. YummyYumYum! :P says:

    YEAH!!! XD

  81. NMtheghettostate says:

    New Mexico should be a lot of nothing a huge pile of garbage and a few brown folks. This is the trashyist state in the union.

  82. West PA says:

    What’s with the Pennsylvanian flag being so lame. A cheese steak? So, it’s a Philly flag then? What about Heinz for the Pittsburgh area, or the Steelers/Penguins, and not even the mention of being a commonwealth. Plus you forgot about Boyers Mines where we keep all the records on all Americans.

  83. izzy says:

    TEXAS IS DA SHIT!!!!!!!!! AND I LOVE GIRLS WITH BLACK NIPPLES!!!!

  84. codered says:

    um did that guy from puerto rico really ask that? honestly man.. n the oregon flag with that old ass computer game from school the oregon trail.. holly shit that was funny

  85. pat says:

    Awww cmon, you could come up with something better than that for PA. How about a guy on a port a potty, in a pothole getting robbed by the PA Tax Commission. Now that tells it all.

  86. Frank Fnark says:

    Evidently some states are so lame they can’t even inspire a decent joke.

  87. Shy Ted says:

    “You can take me back to Texas but you won’t take me back alive.”

  88. Shy Ted says:

    Florida’s not a limp dick, you have the map upside down.

  89. S Dakotan says:

    That’s right ND, we got ourselves a genuine National Monument, carved out of the side of a fucking mountain. And what do you got? Flat. That’s all.

  90. USuckNUKnowIt says:

    I don’t see Puerto Rico anywhere dumbasses, just a bad rip off of it, it means ohio doesn’t have a flag xD

  91. suck it says:

    ahahahahahaha lmao

  92. dumbasses says:

    Actually its a commonwealth not a territory.

  93. Yeaaaaaaa says:

    Your mom’s a commonwealth

  94. ImRetarded says:

    Fuck you Puerto Rico, you’re a territory not a state.

  95. Porto Ricko says:

    Eye Yiye Yiye wut about us?

  96. F Puerto Rico says:

    You are not a state Puerto Rico!

  97. The Todd says:

    I’m looking at the time signatures and actually believe it may be different people making the Illinois comments.
    Teamwork High Five!

  98. The other guy from Illnois brothers neighbor says:

    Yeah. It’s different people.

  99. The Other Guy from Illinois' Brother's Neighbor's Dad's Boss says:

    Lovin’ the Illinois flag also, but the Iowa flag is even better! The wife has family there, the Hawkeye fanboy Iowegians – can’t wait to send this to them!

    Texas, Virginia, Hawaii, Wyoming (Buffaloes and shit! lol) are also great.

    Classic!

  100. The other guy from Illinois says:

    F**k the guy who said F**K the guy from Illinois.

    Michael Jordan and Dick Butkus should also be on our flag though.

  101. 100th guy to comment from Illinois says:

    fuck the rest of the US. especially wisconsin. Go ILLINOIS!

  102. 101st guy to comment from Illinois says:

    Notice how he didn’t capitalize wisconsin? ahaha WAR-wisconsinites are retarded

  103. The other guy from Illinois brother says:

    also walter payton wrestling a bear while smoking a cigar

  104. The Other Guy from Illinois' Brother's Neighbor's Dad says:

    Da Bearsss

  105. guy watching all the other guys in illinois says:

    yea we rock with our cocks out so what! FTW

  106. aspartame says:

    LoL. its true. west virginia is full of incest rednecks. in certain areas they all have the same last name.

  107. :O says:

    typical cause its true

  108. Indiana says:

    Sounds like me.

  109. KinglerUseYourFlamethrower says:

    I’m from WV, so allow me to weigh in: you got it wrong.

    It’s: FAT, CIGARETTE-SMOKING, PILL-SNORTING, CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN, XENOPHOBIC, REPUBLICAN REDNECK INCEST.

    And don’t tell me all that wouldn’t fit on the flag. 22 point typeface and you’re GOLDEN.

  110. Anonymous says:

    excluding morgantown and wheeling, those are part of Pennsylvania and Ohio

  111. Anonymous 5 says:

    omg……^^^ AHAHAHA that should be on their license plates. :-D

  112. tired atheist says:

    West Virginia- One Million People, Thirteen Last Names.

  113. billman says:

    Can’t we just agree that there is redneck incest inside of all of the mine shafts in West Virginia?

  114. CPT. MEOW says:

    jesus christ…typical West Virginia joke…

  115. Dead Canary says:

    They should have made a joke about some West Virginians being stuck in a mine shaft redneck incest is too general.

  116. Northeastern West Virginian says:

    Uncle Daddy likes our flag!

  117. hi-liter says:

    best thing I heard all week! Funny!

  118. Andrea says:

    Oh my god that NC flag is so fucking true. I hate having to go to class on race weekend.

  119. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    Ha! Great job guys and/or gals. Most of those were really funny. The VA flag was fantastic. I was born in VA, but my husband grew up in IL. He never noticed that the VA flag shows a flash of boob (and it’s pretty good sized, too) until I pointed it out to him. How can anyone look at that flag and miss it? LOL

    NC, SD, and GA all need to change their flags right away to your more awesome ideas.

  120. WTF says:

    If you thought any of these were funny then you need to get a life.

  121. Illinois blows says:

    F**K the guy from Illinois

  122. Lead Bottom says:

    If you gave a bear a cigar the Animal Rights groups would be all over you.

  123. WetDreamWarMachine? says:

    West Virginia isn’t incest.
    You all just assume that because of some dumb ass movie.

  124. DICKens. says:

    What movie is that, I wanna watch it now.. c:

  125. RI Girl says:

    And here I thought you were going to make another “It’s too small to be a state” joke. Thanks for something new and refreshing… and true!

  126. Dr POoPenHEiNZ says:

    my office is in Illinois and i gotta say im the neighbors cousin’s best friend who went to high school with the brother of the uncle of that guy from Illinois

  127. Texan born in Colorado says:

    Colorado was great but missing the number 7!

  128. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    Thanks!

  129. Anonymous2344 says:

    I think all of your post are stupid. I am smarter. I have more sex then you. People think that I am great, but they think that you all are anal worshipping frenchmen. Your girlfriend/mom/sister calls me all the time begging for my sweet manhood. You’re welcome.

  130. eyrgwprk says:

    wow. did he really write “I have more sex THEN you”? just wanted to make sure… right.

  131. Renee Likealizardonawindowpane says:

    Can I be totally dumb and admit I don’t get the Alaska flag? Is it supposed to be stars pissing on something or a mustard bottle made of stars squirting delicious yellow condiment?

  132. Anonymoushaole says:

    Hawaii flag no ka ‘oi li dat :)

  133. Anonymoushaole says:

    hawaii flag no ka ‘oi
    true dat

  134. Missouri says:

    Missouri – King of States. No Exceptions.

  135. screwybruce says:

    King of states? then why is it misery?

  136. WTF says:

    Were any of those supposed to be funny? I didn’t see a single one that was.

  137. imstoned says:

    pa’s is true and im proud of it :)

  138. That guy from Illinois says:

    Loving that Illinois flag! And Louisiana comes seconds

  139. Bingo says:

    LOL, VIRGINIA has the best flag

  140. Ralph says:

    No, CANADA is the 51st state.

  141. hi-liter says:

    Actually it is….it’s considered the 51st state! USA owns it.

  142. sancho says:

    puerto rico isn’t a state, genius.

  143. b00ger says:

    @hi-liter:

    No, it isn’t. Look it up.

  144. codger says:

    Wait a minute! There’s a NEW Mexico?

  145. office jerk says:

    hawaii wins, west virginia runner up.

    well played

  146. pielover says:

    Are you paying any attention at all??? Virgina has a TIT on it’s flag! Tit = Winner!

  147. Tattooface30 says:

    Love’em all, but Louisiana is the best
    ans wtf is the name of the game Oregon’s flag is from?

  148. Jking says:

    Indiana’s was by far the lamest… Not even mildly funny… Could HT just not think of anything?

  149. Fk this shiit.. says:

    im canadian. :) so.. no creepy inbred hicks where im from. just pollution, over population, and [not to be rude] a LOT of asians.. and its warmer than new york right now, we have no snow. :) so THAT jokes kinda invalid..

  150. duderman says:

    whats up with tennessee? seriously all we are known for is dolly?……….i love dollywood…………dang i guess so.

  151. Mitch-e-gainder says:

    Michigan completely fits…except instead of roasting a possum he should be roasting a 3 eyed fish that came from Lake Erie! (and a foreclosure sign on the car)

  152. Philly cheeserake says:

    That’s the most awesome state flag for PA ever.

  153. Surrounded by the Damn Crabcakes says:

    Living on MD, it’s pretty safe to say that there’s nothing you missed on this flag (other than the classic motto, “If you can dream it, we can tax it”).

  154. mahiwahoo says:

    Virginia should have been a PBR embossed with the sickle and hammer

  155. Sarah Palin says:

    I can see the Russians!