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If You’re Really Unhappy, You Probably Live In One of These Countries…

A recent Gallup poll has ranked countries all over the world and the U.S. came in 12th. Not cool, U.S., not cool. But whatever. Let’s put this all into perspective by seeing who’s got it worse.

According to the poll, the happiest place on earth is Denmark. I’m going to credit the Nordic women and the culture’s loose view on vices. Once I get the bureaucratic details sorted out, I’ll probably just go ahead and move there. But until we’re all able to move to Denmark, we’re stuck in the U.S. (or wherever you happen to be stuck that’s not Denmark) so let’s be glad we’re not living somewhere awful. These are the three countries ranked the most unhappy places on earth, listed from bad to worse:

3. Haiti

Haiti is the poorest country in the Americas, but that probably has a lot to do with the fact that Mother Nature won’t leave them the hell alone. They’ve also got an awesome history of failed governments, shitty treatment from larger countries, and slavery. But, Wyclef Jean!

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2. Central African Repubic

Another poor country who’s government keeps falling apart and changing. The UN is trying to cram democracy down their throats, but I don’t think they’ll go for it, because that may mean it’s citizens would have to turn in their awesome weapons.

1. Chad

Chad is a rough spot because they have a lot of dirt, but it’s shitty dirt. The kind that you can’t grow a lot of food in. They export a lot of crude oil but apparently, they have not idea how much it’s worth because they’re not charging much for it. They’re also constantly coups d’état-ing, which kind of halts your inability to move forward as a nation.

6 Responses to "If You’re Really Unhappy, You Probably Live In One of These Countries…"

  1. OMGWTFBBQ says:

    Why does it go 1, 3, 4, 5?

  2. Wilford Brimley's Monkey says:

    don’t forget it’s probably named after some bullshit frat boy.

  3. DonkeyXote says:

    I would have liked to see the gull’s poll. Scandinavian countries are always leading these lists and whatnot, they know where it’s at!! but’s probably not gonna last them a whole much longer if they keep letting middle easterns move in.

    It’s not islamophobia if they’re really trying to kill us…

  4. DonkeyXote says:

    In other words, the more religious a country is the poorer it is likely to be, unless it is super rich in natural resources that it really doesn’t matter if over 20% of your citezens can’t read or write.

    So with that said, a big FUCK YOU to all the religions out there.

  5. Richard Penne says:

    “They’re also constantly coups d’état-ing, which kind of halts your inability to move forward as a nation.”

    You might want to re-read that one….