Hey loser, wanna look better online? Sure, we all do. Thanks to Facebook’s new “Timeline” mode, you totally can! A lot of people are bitching and whining about it because it lacks “privacy” or something. You don’t have privacy anymore. Get over it. The only information Facebook will make public is the information you’ve provided them. So just provide them with more information that they can make public.
The new Timeline layout is officially available to everyone now and it’s Facebook’s attempt to make your page tell everyone your life story. If you’re a Holy Taco writer, then there’s a good chance your life story stinks. But this is the internet and you’ve got the power to change that. Finally.
Begin at the beginning; where you were born? Make it interesting, if your life starts out awesome, chances are it’ll continue that way.
Add in some life-changing events that you may or may not have actually been a part of:
Amp up your skills a little bit. Talented kids become talented, interesting adults.
Lie about your education. We can all go to Princeton on Facebook!
Enhance your dating history. Nobody’s going to think you’re lying. It’s the internet. People don’t lie here.
So, there you go. Get out there, write a decent life story for yourself, then put it up on Facebook for the world to see!