What the-? What’s going – am I awake? Why is my crotch cold? Oh no, I pissed myself. Jesus, I thought I was done with that. Wait a - hmm, this is sticky. Did I forget that I hid chocolate in the bed or some- OH SHIT. WET DREAM WET DREAM. Okay, don’t panic. Just have to think this out. I’m on my back, so that means none of it have touched the bed. This is strictly an underwear problem. No, wait, my back is wet. Maybe it’s sweat. Ew, not sweat. Okay, what time is it? 3 a.m. Hmmm, maybe I can wash it off the sheets, and by the time I wake up in the morning it’ll be dry and my parents will never know. Does it dry? Tommy says it gets crunchy like a cheeto. Cheetos don’t dry. I should pack cheetos in my lunch tomorrow, they’re delicious. Focus dammit! Alright, first things first, I need to find a place I can hide these underwear, where no one will ever find them. Ever. Outside in behind the bushes in the backyard.
Yes. I’ll just wad them into a ball, and then I’ll throw them there. Okay, here we go. Underwear off, very veeeeery quietly lifting my body out of bed and shit! My bed creaked! Lie back in bed still! Lie back in bed still! Holy shit that was close. My parents easily could have heard my bed slightly creak from down the hall. Okay, let’s try this again. Slowly out of bed, light on the toes, light on the toes. Geeeeently open my door, remember not to breath loud. Down the hall, and yes, to the back door. Wait, did I hear something? Was that coming from my parents room? Shit! It’s gone now. I’m just hearing things. Man, it’s dark in the back yard. I’m not going out there. I could be killed by several things out there.
Okay, in one motion, I’m going to take my underwear off, open the back door, and then hurl the underwear out there, then close the door. If I pull this off, holy shit. This will be something else. On the count of three. One, two, three! Underwear off, back door open and – OH FUCK IT’S DAD HE WASN”T ASLEEP. This is very very awkward.
I realize now, the ending makes no sense. What i meant to say was that his dad wakes up and goes out into the living room, to find his son naked, holding his wadded up underwear, which is awkward. Not some creepy pedophile shit. But, upon re-reading, it just reads totally fucking stupid and makes no sense. I could change it, but i'd rather you just see the shittyness that comes with writing a column haphazardly.
Am I the only non-sick minded individual who actually understood the ending?
The rest of you have been either raped violently with a dead horse cock from your dad or have watched too much fox news.
They got it from the MAMBLA, NAMBLA, whatever it is website. It's in the member's photo gallery section. I know this because the priest in my church showed it to me right before he tried to rape me.
And notice I said "tried to rape" not "actually raped" so don't get any funny ideas you damn internets.
First of all, "Queer ass faggot" is redundant; and if I fucked my mother I wouldn't be a faggot at all, that's a heterosexual act. So get your shit straight partner, before I come over and fuck your mother too.
Booooyyy, does your over-use of those nasty words tell a lot. Why are you so against gays? What do they BRING UP in you? I get so sick of self-hating, inadequacy-ridden little weaklings who have to take the spotlight off themselves and throw onto someone else, preferrably a popular scapegoat, in order to feel like they're hiding enough. Oh, by the way... I'm not gay or bi-; I'm just a human being who believes we all have the right to live as who we are without some loser making life in the good 'ol US more difficult. And that includes YOU too, Thweetie.
"Underwear off, back door open and – OH FUCK IT’S DAD.... This is very very awkward" Sounds like little Jimmy is going to get some cheeto crust in his back door
(28 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
May 4th, 2009 at 06:49 pm
The end completely ruined this.
May 4th, 2009 at 07:12 pm
who the fuck thinks this shit up as funny as it is it kind of disturbing
May 4th, 2009 at 07:24 pm
Yep ... semi-good idea, poorly executed.
May 4th, 2009 at 07:28 pm
sigh cmon guys it could have been a lot better
May 4th, 2009 at 07:40 pm
I had a wet dream once...
May 4th, 2009 at 07:57 pm
creepy.. but kinda funny... but creepy...
muaaahahahhahaha
May 4th, 2009 at 08:01 pm
yes the end definitely ruined it...
May 4th, 2009 at 08:24 pm
what a waste of such a good idea, any personal experience beats this by far
May 4th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
OK, I was almost crying in laughter in the begining but what's up with the ending?
May 4th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
I realize now, the ending makes no sense. What i meant to say was that his dad wakes up and goes out into the living room, to find his son naked, holding his wadded up underwear, which is awkward. Not some creepy pedophile shit. But, upon re-reading, it just reads totally fucking stupid and makes no sense. I could change it, but i'd rather you just see the shittyness that comes with writing a column haphazardly.
May 5th, 2009 at 04:34 am
yea this turned into something really weird - sounds like some sorta erotic porn for pedos.
.
May 7th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Now thats truth in fucking journalism. Or, is it jism?
I forget...pass me the cheetos will ya...
May 5th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Am I the only non-sick minded individual who actually understood the ending?
The rest of you have been either raped violently with a dead horse cock from your dad or have watched too much fox news.
May 5th, 2009 at 01:36 am
i dunno, but to me it seems a little extra creepy to have included the picture of the little boy sleeping
May 5th, 2009 at 04:31 am
Raises the question of where they got it from ;)
Television Spy
May 5th, 2009 at 11:24 am
They got it from the MAMBLA, NAMBLA, whatever it is website. It's in the member's photo gallery section. I know this because the priest in my church showed it to me right before he tried to rape me.
And notice I said "tried to rape" not "actually raped" so don't get any funny ideas you damn internets.
May 5th, 2009 at 03:30 pm
Great post -- for a second there, you almost had me convinced that you don't know what NAMBLA is!
Queer-ass faggot motherfucker.
May 5th, 2009 at 04:42 pm
First of all, "Queer ass faggot" is redundant; and if I fucked my mother I wouldn't be a faggot at all, that's a heterosexual act. So get your shit straight partner, before I come over and fuck your mother too.
May 5th, 2009 at 09:01 pm
Booooyyy, does your over-use of those nasty words tell a lot. Why are you so against gays? What do they BRING UP in you? I get so sick of self-hating, inadequacy-ridden little weaklings who have to take the spotlight off themselves and throw onto someone else, preferrably a popular scapegoat, in order to feel like they're hiding enough. Oh, by the way... I'm not gay or bi-; I'm just a human being who believes we all have the right to live as who we are without some loser making life in the good 'ol US more difficult. And that includes YOU too, Thweetie.
May 5th, 2009 at 05:30 am
+1 on creepy
May 5th, 2009 at 08:15 am
What's wrong with the ending? You try explaining to your father who you just nailed in the face with your junk soak ginch, what just happened.
May 5th, 2009 at 08:17 am
I have never had a wet dream. I understood the ending btw, wasn't that hard to figure out.
May 5th, 2009 at 08:36 am
It wouldn't be a Holy Taco story without an ending, or at least some part of the story like that.
May 5th, 2009 at 09:42 am
My ejaculate comes out dry and crunchy like Cheetos.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:08 am
"Underwear off, back door open and – OH FUCK IT’S DAD.... This is very very awkward" Sounds like little Jimmy is going to get some cheeto crust in his back door
July 6th, 2009 at 09:09 pm
You are both disgusting and unfortunate.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
End could be have been much better.
http://www.ekhichdi.com/actors-actress/miley-cyrus-green-bra-pics
Tina
May 6th, 2009 at 02:51 pm
shame on you internet, sounds very USA and low.... MUM Dad where u on the act
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