Holy shit. I can't believe I got into this strip club. This fake ID totally worked! It doesn't make any sense: it didn't work at the 7-11 an hour ago when I tried to buy a can of Foster's. It must be the lighting in here. I probably got one of those fake ID's that only works under black light. That's cool, though; as long as I can use it to get into strip clubs for the next nine months, it was well-worth the $200 I paid for it. Okay, now that I'm inside, I've got to stay cool. They can probably still kick me out if they discover that I'm only 17 and 3 months old. Just be casual.Act like this is the thousandth time that you've been in a strip club, and tits tits tits tits tits. Holy shit. Tits. There are tits right there in front of me. This place is amazing. I know that's what happens in strip clubs, but seeing it first-hand...it's breathtaking. Those tits are glittery, too! I bet they smell like cucumber-melon. Oh man, there's some more tits over there, too! Everywhere I look, there are titties! How late does this place stay open? Can I stay here forever?
There's a hot cocktail waitress coming around. Should I ask to see her tits? Maybe I shouldn't. I don't know if it's acceptable. If I see her show her tits to someone else, then I'll ask, but not until then. For now, I'll just be casual and play it cool. I'll probably have to order a drink from her. What should I order? They probably don't have Natty Ice here. I guess I should go with some kind of sophisticated mixed drink. I'm not used to those. I don't really know what anything is. Shit, the waitress is almost over here. Okay, don't panic. Just think for a second. I just need to remember the name of one mixed drink. That's it. Dammit, with all these titties around here, it's hard to remember anything except how great that pair of titties that I just saw was. Speaking of titties, that stripper on stage has a nice rack. What did the creepy DJ guy say her name was? I think it was Mary. It was either Mary or Ecstasy, I can't remember which one. Oh! Bloody Mary! That's a kind of drink, right? Yeah, that's what I'll order. Yes! Thank you, Mary or Ecstasy, whatever your name is. Yeah, Bloody Mary. That's totally something that a sophisticated, strip club-experienced, over-seventeen year old would drink. C'mon cocktail waitress, I'm ready for you!
Damn. 18 f*ckin' dollars for a Bloody Mary. I'm such an idiot. Bloody Mary's are probably the most expensive mixed drink you can order. Whatever. I wonder why she asked me if I knew that it was night time. Of course I know that! What a weirdo. She's probably on drugs or something. I heard that a lot of strippers are tits tits tits tits. Holy f*ck. Perfect tits coming right this way. God damn, that stripper is hot as hell. She's super glittery, too. She's glittered to impress tonight. Oh my god, she's looking right at me. She's coming over here. Shit, shit, shit! What the f*ck do I do?! Okay, play it cool. Act casual. Maybe I should try to make my voice a little deeper, so I seem more mature. Okay, she's sitting on my lap now. This is good. This is very good. She smells like Fruit Snacks. OH MY GOD. Is she serious?! Of course I want a f*cking lap dance! Who would say no to a lap dance from a Fruit Snack-scented stripper?! This is the best night of my life!
Hmm. I definitely feel a boner coming on. Do other people in here have boners? Shit, now I'm looking at other dude's crotches and trying to see if they have a boner while there's a hot Fruit Snack stripper straddling me. I'm gonna assume that boners are okay here. It's a strip club. This place probably hosts more boners than a Growing Pains-themed Cosplay Convention. Man, Fruit Snack's tits are kinda sweaty. I think she has some pretty severe scars, too. I couldn't really see them from two feet away, but now that her tits are literally in my face, they're pretty gnarled. They look like two whale carcasses humping each other. Eh, whatever. At least I'm getting a boner out of it. Speaking of boners, this one seems about ready to unload. They probably frown on ejaculating in your pants here. F*ck! I knew I should've jerked off before I came here! Okay, just try to think of something non-arousing. Traffic school. The older sister from Life Goes On. That smell you get when you don't run the garbage disposal for a long tits, and then when you finally run it, the drain tits all of this tits up into the tits and tits tits tits in your face.
F*ck. It's impossible to think of something non-arousing when a Fruit Snack-scented ass is rubbing your junk. Don't panic. It'll be fine. All you have to do is not blow a load in your............shit. I just blew a load in my pants. A pretty substantial one, too. Maybe Fruit Snack didn't notice. Nope, she noticed. Yeah, the bouncer's coming over now. I'm getting dragged out of this place for sure. I guess I'll just have to get that $18 Bloody Mary to go.
One of my first experiences at a strip club happened when I was 18. Me and a friend hit a strip club in Charleston IL called Panther's. We started talking to these 2 strippers. 1 was in her late teens/early 20's and the other was in her late 30's/early 40's. They said that they were mother and daughter. They offered to take both of us to the back room for $20 each.
The things those two did to each other would make a mother blush (and the one that said she was the mother, actually did blush). After the younger girl came, the bouncer started getting a little antsy so the show ended before the mom finished.
ive seen a lot of ridiculous internet abbreviations and the one for "too long didnt read" is by far the lamest. it reminds me of the kid from middle school that made you want to rip off his glasses and repeatedly slam his head into the brick wall in the hallway. why the fuck are you gonna comment if you didnt read it anyway. lollerskates omg lmao tmi brb , gtfoyh (get the fuck out of your house) FAKE, PHOTOSHOPPED. im sure you didnt say Tl/DR to the 6th harry potter book you fuckin anus bees.
(and than here comes some funny guy replying to this with "tl/dr"
I'm sorry if this is extremely obvious, but I didn't get the part where the waitress asks him if he knows it's night time. What does that mean? (Other than the fact that that boy needs therapy)
A bloody mary is a crappy drink that you would resort to only to cope with a hangover. They charged him $18 for not ordering a bottled beer or something on tap, and for being a 17yo skating by on a fake id.
Little boys are so pathetic. Never in a million years would any girl be so obsessed about seeing naked dudes. Well, that's probably because dudes look downright stupid naked. Unless they are Orlando Bloom or his lookalike.
Wow ohdear you are a moron, can you read? All the recent studies say that women are worse than men just better at hiding it. And I agree with the above statement, chippendales, ever been to one? I worked as a bouncer at one and the women are WAY worse than men. so STFU!!
Women are definitely worse! We don't have to worry about hiding a full on boner when we see something that turns us on. That's why most guys don't know how freaky most of us truly are!
Do some people actually believe that women are worse than men? That is absurd crap put forth by a full of shit media. There are strips clubs with women stripping everywhere. Men can hardly make any money at it. That's why they have to travel around. Amazing how easily some people can be brainwashed. Actually more women probably like watching women strip than men.
Wanda Sykes put the difference between men's and women's feelings about sex best.
Men say, "We Gotta' make more people, we gotta' make more people!"
Women say, "Wait a minute! Who's gonna' take care of all these people?"
what year is this 1991? growing pains and life goes on, really? i would be willing to bet two $18 strip club bloody marys that 90% of 17 year olds today have not heard of either of those shows. why not use mamas family and newhart?
(85 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
August 3rd, 2009 at 03:31 pm
AHAHAHAHAHHAHA Bloody Mary to go
August 3rd, 2009 at 03:32 pm
oh and first
August 3rd, 2009 at 04:23 pm
oh and fail
August 4th, 2009 at 02:16 am
FTW MO FO!
August 11th, 2009 at 02:40 am
andkevinandbenjaminandeyebownandhome609lafayettest2379518and
August 31st, 2009 at 07:33 pm
ho que buena estan quiero ber mas
de esto
August 3rd, 2009 at 05:22 pm
ahahaha... nice
August 3rd, 2009 at 06:15 pm
One of my first experiences at a strip club happened when I was 18. Me and a friend hit a strip club in Charleston IL called Panther's. We started talking to these 2 strippers. 1 was in her late teens/early 20's and the other was in her late 30's/early 40's. They said that they were mother and daughter. They offered to take both of us to the back room for $20 each.
The things those two did to each other would make a mother blush (and the one that said she was the mother, actually did blush). After the younger girl came, the bouncer started getting a little antsy so the show ended before the mom finished.
August 3rd, 2009 at 08:47 pm
cool story bro tl/dr
August 3rd, 2009 at 09:27 pm
agreed tl/dr
August 4th, 2009 at 02:52 am
Are you kidding? tldr?! that was nothing of a tldr
August 4th, 2009 at 03:07 am
i agree. tl...is it tuesday?...my toe hurts
August 4th, 2009 at 03:15 am
Yea, not tldr.
I think you need reading lessons.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:26 am
so you met the two honest strippers in all the land
August 13th, 2009 at 04:20 pm
TEE ELL/DEE ARE
August 27th, 2009 at 07:09 am
ive seen a lot of ridiculous internet abbreviations and the one for "too long didnt read" is by far the lamest. it reminds me of the kid from middle school that made you want to rip off his glasses and repeatedly slam his head into the brick wall in the hallway. why the fuck are you gonna comment if you didnt read it anyway. lollerskates omg lmao tmi brb , gtfoyh (get the fuck out of your house) FAKE, PHOTOSHOPPED. im sure you didnt say Tl/DR to the 6th harry potter book you fuckin anus bees.
(and than here comes some funny guy replying to this with "tl/dr"
September 3rd, 2009 at 03:42 pm
tl/dr
September 8th, 2009 at 03:41 pm
4 chan is for sheeple.
September 8th, 2009 at 03:44 pm
poster #3 is a queer
September 24th, 2009 at 02:45 pm
Supermanlyman. Thank you for ruling.
And Anus Bees follow-up?
Well played, sir.
November 17th, 2009 at 01:49 pm
I need to know where this place is. Please.
August 3rd, 2009 at 06:49 pm
Funny but wrong.
The inner monologue of a 17 year old at a strip club is "OMFG!" repeated over and over.
August 3rd, 2009 at 09:27 pm
that was funny
August 3rd, 2009 at 07:23 pm
sounded more like the mind of a 13yr old
October 2nd, 2009 at 02:24 am
What's the difference?
August 3rd, 2009 at 08:05 pm
whale carcasses humping each other
hahah EPIC and true
August 3rd, 2009 at 09:33 pm
I'm sorry if this is extremely obvious, but I didn't get the part where the waitress asks him if he knows it's night time. What does that mean? (Other than the fact that that boy needs therapy)
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
A Bloody Mary is a drink for the morning.
August 4th, 2009 at 04:14 am
Ha, she should've asked him if he was 65 or from connecticut
August 6th, 2009 at 05:15 pm
that boy needs therapy (purely psychosematic)
August 6th, 2009 at 06:13 pm
lie down on the couch...what does that mean?
September 15th, 2009 at 01:25 am
You're crazy in the coconut!
September 25th, 2009 at 03:10 am
A bloody mary is a crappy drink that you would resort to only to cope with a hangover. They charged him $18 for not ordering a bottled beer or something on tap, and for being a 17yo skating by on a fake id.
August 4th, 2009 at 01:08 am
Bahaha.
I've had underage friends tell me what it was like with their first strip club.
And this story is spot-on.
August 27th, 2009 at 07:11 am
........you would have underage friends, pedophile
September 9th, 2009 at 08:46 am
supermanlyassfucker ur a little bitch i just know it!
August 4th, 2009 at 01:10 am
i want that girl
August 4th, 2009 at 02:02 am
Little boys are so pathetic. Never in a million years would any girl be so obsessed about seeing naked dudes. Well, that's probably because dudes look downright stupid naked. Unless they are Orlando Bloom or his lookalike.
August 4th, 2009 at 02:18 am
stfu
August 4th, 2009 at 03:17 am
Ever heard of Chippendales?
August 4th, 2009 at 03:49 am
really ohdear? i think you should watch true blood or twilight panels on comic con. grils are crazier than little boys.
August 4th, 2009 at 06:01 am
You bet your ass we're crazy. Crazy for cookin steaks
August 4th, 2009 at 01:26 pm
Wow ohdear you are a moron, can you read? All the recent studies say that women are worse than men just better at hiding it. And I agree with the above statement, chippendales, ever been to one? I worked as a bouncer at one and the women are WAY worse than men. so STFU!!
August 4th, 2009 at 04:00 pm
Women are definitely worse! We don't have to worry about hiding a full on boner when we see something that turns us on. That's why most guys don't know how freaky most of us truly are!
August 4th, 2009 at 09:09 pm
Do some people actually believe that women are worse than men? That is absurd crap put forth by a full of shit media. There are strips clubs with women stripping everywhere. Men can hardly make any money at it. That's why they have to travel around. Amazing how easily some people can be brainwashed. Actually more women probably like watching women strip than men.
August 29th, 2009 at 02:45 pm
Women don't need to go to a club to get the opposite sex to strip. That's why.
September 12th, 2009 at 06:20 pm
why are women talking?
October 2nd, 2009 at 02:26 am
That's because the girl is in the kitchen where she belongs.
October 27th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Wanda Sykes put the difference between men's and women's feelings about sex best.
Men say, "We Gotta' make more people, we gotta' make more people!"
Women say, "Wait a minute! Who's gonna' take care of all these people?"
August 4th, 2009 at 03:32 am
what year is this 1991? growing pains and life goes on, really? i would be willing to bet two $18 strip club bloody marys that 90% of 17 year olds today have not heard of either of those shows. why not use mamas family and newhart?
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