Oh, man. What a great nap that was. Being a cable guy rocks! I just spent the first 5 hours of my shift sitting in the cable truck reading the paper, eating, and taking a long-ass nap. What other job could allow you to get paid for that shit? Okay, let’s see what the day has planned for me: It’s 2:45pm right now. My first appointment was scheduled for sometime between 10am and 3pm. Looks like I can still make it if I hurry. I could also just say I knocked on the door and nobody answered, then I could just go buy
a magazine and read it for three more hours. Well, I’m kinda bored, so I’ll go on this call and see what happens.
Okay, looks like this is the address: apartment 112. That’s what it says on the work order. Please be occupied by
a hot horny college girl. I know that kind of stuff happens. I’ve seen
the videos on the internet. It’s only a matter of time before I’ll happen upon a riled-up, nymphomaniacal coed.
I’ll walk in and she’ll be all "maybe you should check my plugs, and see if they’re tight enough", and it’ll sound like she could be talking about cable and stuff, but I’ll know by her tone that she’s making a euphamism for sex, and then I’ll be all "sure thing, miss. Let me just test your coaxil port with my probe, " and then she’ll be all—
Dammit! It’s just a tubby unemployed dude.
How does this Tom Arnold-lookin’ dude even afford cable? Alright, let me just fix the problem real quick and get the f*ck out of here. If I can get this job done quickly, I can spend hour and 45 minutes taking another nap in the cable truck around the corner before I have to be at my next appointment. Oh, okay. I see what the problem is. The cable is unplugged from the TV. Man, where would all these cable-loving retards be without me? This homeless-looking loser never even thought to just look behind the TV and see if the cable was plugged in. What an idiot—wait a minute. Nobody can be that stupid. Maybe this is a trap. Maybe he’s gonna try to murder me, or worse: maybe he’s gonna rape me or something! It’s times like this that I wish I was at least friends with a rapist. Then he could, y’know, give me some tips as to what to look out for. They really should include a session on "not getting raped" in the cable guy training program.
Oh, shit, the raper guy wants to tell me something before I leave. He’s probably going to say, "I’m going to rape you now." God dammit. What a cruel world we live in. I’m doomed! I’ll never be the same man again! People will look at me and say, "man, Carlos used to be such a cool dude, until he went on that one cable repair job that he never talks about. Y’know the one that, whenever you bring it up, he gets all teary-eyed and runs out the room sobbing? I wonder what happened on that job." Oh god. My life is ruined. Everytime I close my eyes for the rest of my life, all I’m going to see is this sweaty, creepy dude hovering over me, holding me down and forcing his—-
THANK YOU JESUS. He just wants free cable. Oh man, that was a close one. I can’t believe I almost got raped! Well, that’s why being a cable repair guy is such a high-stress, high-risk job. You never know when you might imagine almost getting raped. Phew, I feel lucky. I feel like I have a new lease on life! God has really given me a second chance! Alright, I’m gonna go around the corner and take another nap.
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
…and by tits I meant my hairy man boobs. Wanna lick ‘em? Dip your tongue under the sweaty flaps? hmm… do ya?
DonkeyXote wants free cable! LOL
I showed the cable guy my tits and let him “check my plugs” and got free HBO..True story
you a lie
I give a fuck, I care and I say who STAYS and who GOES!
O.K? This is all I have guys, c’mon. Why can’t you give it to me?
GIVE IT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
was this supposed to be funny? Or was the fact that I read the whole thing and didn’t laugh once, was the joke on me?
Justin, instead of giving reach arounds and frosting your tips with your Break buddies, try writing something worth reading.
Pretty harsh, huh Justin? You never did a reach around for me.
Why not instead of bitching about something, you just fucking leave? Shut the fuck up and leave. Nobody gives a damn about what you do or don’t like.
Where’d you find that picture of me?!?!?
Also, FIIIIIIIIIIIIIRST!
I’m going to be a cable repairman.
Lamearoo
wow. fucking fail of a comment… wheres ur usual disgusting rant???
DonkeyPwnte is too busy sucking me off to type out his rant right now, don’t worry, he’ll be back with a retarded comment soon though!
hunni, come home <3
So did the cable guy hook him up with free channels?
I loved this monologue…since I’m a cable guy. I especially love the “Please be a horny college girl…” part too.
IN the mid 80s I was fresh out of high school and landed a job at teh local cable company as an installer. i got more action from chicks by hooking them up with free cable than you can possible imagine. this was back when you only needed a cable box for premium channels. It was amazing!
Lou
http://www.anon-browsing.eu.tc
…and now, 25 years later, you spam websites for a living.
How proud your family must be!
Fukin fantastic!! what a fucking GIZZ Trap!!
By action he means a polite smile and maybe an offer of a cold glass of water all while thinking…..
“All I have to do is smile at this feeble little faggot and I should get some free cable”