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The Inner Monologue Of A Christian Extremist Making A Sign

So, I definitely have to have Sex Drugs and Rock Music on here. That totally makes me sick. And I need to have baby killers, too. They definitely make me sick. But they make everyone sick. If I really want to get noticed, I need this sign to stand out from all the other signs you see out there. Those goddamn Westboro guys get all the press with their "We hate this and We hate that" stuff. But I’m going to put "You Make Me Sick" on the map with this sign. Did I just think the word "goddamn"? Crap. Sorry, Jesus. I won’t do that again…
…Alright, so, what else makes me sick…think…think… Let’s see here…Dykes. Yeah, dykes make me sick. That’s good…But is it good enough? What if I made a rhyme so it’ll stick in people’s heads. Dykes and kikes? No, that doesn’t make sense and I already have the "Jews that are from the synagogue of Satan" on here. Dykes who go on hikes? No, that’s too weird. Dykes on bikes? Yeah, that works. Man, making one of these is harder than I thought.

Party animals for sure.  Those guys never go to church cause they are always a partying with their liquor and their whores. And sports nuts. I DEFINITELY have to put sports nuts on there. All they do is talk about their sports when they should be talking about the Lord. I bet the Lord would bat a zillion and have about a billion touchdowns if he played on a team. Then it’d be OK to talk about sports all the time. But until then, they definitely make me sick…
…Should I put fags on here? Nah, those god…whoa, almost slipped there, dumb Westboro guys put fags on everything. What if I take a step back and just put all "effeminate culture"? Yeah, that covers all of them. The queers, the homos, the gays, the bisexuals, the trannies, the pre-ops, the post-ops, the cross-dressers. Let’s see the Westboro jerks do that…
…OK, I only have a bit more space left here. Should probably add Mormons and Roman Catholics. Kinda no brainers. But I need one more to really get people’s attention…I got it. Ankle Biters. Yes! That is the money shot right there. When people see Ankle Biters on here they will know that they aren’t looking at your run-of-the-mill Christian extremist sign. This is perfect. One day, maybe in the not too distant future, I will be able to teach my first born son how to make a really good extremist sign. Yeah…that’d be nice.
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45 Responses to "The Inner Monologue Of A Christian Extremist Making A Sign"

  1. Anonymous says:

    That’s awesome!

  2. Anonymous says:

    well clearly the guy is expressing himself in a not so ordinary way, but hey we all express ourselves in our kind of way, don’t we

  3. Redrum says:

    I’m not sure, but Is he ok with Jews that aren’t from the synagogue of Satan? You know, like the Jews that are from the synagogue of Beezulbub that’s right down the street, because I only really hate those Jew’s. The one’s for Satan get a bad rap IMO, so I wish he was more specific.

  4. AKRhino says:

    I hate sex perverts too. Well, I hate the sex perverts that won’t have sex or be perverted with me. Well, I hate the female sex perverts that won’t have sex or be perverted with me. Well, I hate attractive female sex perverts who won’t have sex or be perverted with me. I love sex perverts…

  5. Pratik says:

    Anyone else think it’s weird that he hates basically the entire population, but said nothing about black or Middle Eastern people?

    They’re usually the first to get the smack from a racist, but there’s no mention of them on the dude’s Banner-O-Love.

  6. Redrum says:

    He’s probably yelling at the person who said “and tired”

    Also, with everything that’s crammed on there, how did he manage to leave out Influenza? That shit gets me hurling everytime, even more than Fox Hole Religion.

  7. Anonymous says:

    the one that gets me is “racists” … hypocracy thine name is… whatever that guys is…

  8. Mr Little Jeans says:

    I am confused…he doesn’t like “Sport’S Nuts”. Is he inferring possessive as in the nuts of the sport, or is he combining two words as if to say “Sport is Nuts”?

    If you put that much effort in a sign please provide a glossary of terms in the future thank you very much

  9. nodoczerodownteaser says:

    what about paper cut’s?! i hate paper cuts! therey’re so ouchy.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Rebellious woman?? Ha ha! I’ll bet this guy’s wife has snuck off to the surrounding woods to smoke a j and have a MMFF 4some with a jewish bike dyke, an effeminate roman catholic, and a sports loving pentecostal.

  11. Anonymous says:

    “Mommy, what’s that over there?”

    “That’s an asshole, honey. An asshole with a big assholey sign.”

  12. gebelik says:

    the one that gets me is “racists” … hypocracy thine name is… whatever that guys is…

  13. Dom says:

    I think the funniest part is the Child Molesting Homosexuals. He obviously thinks opposite sex child molesting is OK.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I talked to my Pet about this, but he got all Effeminate and Rebellious on me and Bit my Ankle. So then I got on the Computer and looked at some Sex Perverts, but then the big Nutty Sport’s game was on TV so I sat down with some Satanic Jews (or maybe they were Jewish Satanists – I can’t remember the term they prefer) and some Roman Catholics. We Partied like Animals for a while, Killed some Babies, and hurled Racial epithets at the Dykes on Bikes, Lying Pentoco$tal$, and Lazy Christians. We rounded off the evening with some sex-drugs-rock music and made fun of Fox Hole and False Religions.

    Whew – that was tiring – next time I think I’ll just find some tool with a sign and point out what a douchebag he is.

  15. JW says:

    You guys are reading this sigh ALL wrong! It says YOU make me sick. So that would be anyone reading it. The list below represents people that have looked at the sign in the past. Makes perfect sense.

  16. Anonymous says:

    damn, somebody already commented on the “sport’s nuts.” Although in the possessive, it’s pretty fun. and i get it, sweaty balls aren’t really all that attractive to me, either.

    but, um, child molesting homosexuals totally implies that child molesting heterosexuals are a-okay. Unless they happen to fall under one of the other categories. Maybe he thinks he’s already covered that base with “sex perverts.” But I need clarity!

    this picture should be in the urban dictionary under “hater.”

    and I love the kid in the corner pointing. bet sign dude doesn’t, though.

  17. John says:

    He’s like the Bizarro World opposite of the vegan feminist queer-theory literary analysis environmental activist campaigning for human rights I went to college with.

  18. T says:

    Ankle Biters make me sick too

  19. Anonymous says:

    Question…is Jewish a race? I thought it was a religion. One can covert to Judaism. Race is something that you cannot get rid of or become. I can’t convert to black. This is the type of thing that keeps me up at night.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Who is this guy and where does he live? I’ve got a very special sign of my own that I’d like to share with Mr. Religion.

    He would probably like it, but maybe he wouldn’t. It’s a cross. It doesn’t show up very well at night so I like to light the sign on fire. It’s very very pretty. Somewhat hypnotizing as well.

  21. Randall says:

    Gosh darned child molesting homosexuals… thank G’d we still have the child molesting heterosexuals.

  22. Randall says:

    Yeah we really need to do something about those racists too, they make me sick. Just because you’re a different race, it doesn’t make you any less of a human being. Only homosexuality, religions other than mine, rock music, people who use computers in a freakish manner, and women who refuse to wear brazzieres are not equal to me.

    I don’t know for sure if a sport actually owns nuts, but if it does, it makes me sick.

  23. Jaimo says:

    Maybe it’s not actually his sign after all. Maybe the sign is stuck in the ground and this guy’s just got his arm wrapped around the sign as he looks out for the guy who made the sign. Maybe this guy’s eagerly awaiting the return of the Creator of the sign so that he can lovingly tell him that Jesus will not save such a goddamned (oops, sorry Jesus) bigot from hell.

  24. Anonymous says:

    what the hell’s this guy’s problem?
    the thing that pisses me off the most is that he hates computer freaks

  25. Anonymous says:

    I feel sorry for the guy, he puts alot of effort into his hate, and he doesn’t even realize that he’s got the wrong god.

  26. Anonymous says:

    what is an ankle biter? I think I hate those too.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Holy Shit!! I saw these fucktards on the University of Georgia campus spewing their garbage…

  28. Anonymous says:

    tsk. damn it! i totally wish i had an opportunity to punch this guy in the face. Ill never get my wish.

  29. VV says:

    He didn’t come up with “Dykes on Bikes” by himself, dude. It’s an actual Thing… check it out: http://www.dykesonbikes.org/

  30. Anonymous says:

    Excuse me, I would like to defend some of the anti-racism comments. We don’t hate black people because they are black, we hate black people because they are lazy, untrustworthy and rude. Thanks!

    P.S – This is ALL BLACK PEOPLE. Despite what you may think, I know lots they all fuckin useless bitches. Even the rich ones, fuckin useless bitches.

  31. Red Jack says:

    what makes me laugh is that he spelled Sinagogue of satan wrong, which is to say, he spelled “synagogue” right.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Always got a laugh off these guys when I went to school at Davis

  33. Anonymous says:

    Since this guy is obviously very stupid, then the more of those things that apply to you, the smarter you must be.

  34. Redrum says:

    Self-loathing racists make me sick!

  35. Redrum says:

    He also left out foreign cars and you just know his work buddies at the tool and die place are riding his ass about that.

  36. nodoczerodownteaser says:

    C’mon man. Don’t you get it? It’s a metaphor for “I hate grammar”. Yourer’re probably an ankle biter.

  37. Redrum says:

    He’s probably refering to his friend Jim Bob Sport and how he always hated getting tea-bagged by him on the over-nite youth group events.

  38. Pratik says:

    You just made me mess my pants.

  39. Blake says:

    This guy didn’t Digg your article

  40. Anonymous says:

    He’s stopped reading the news when the Y2K hit.

  41. Anonymous says:

    jews are not a race -.-’
    so no.

  42. Catholic FTW says:

    yay, seven!

  43. Anonymous says:

    Hey, he says he hates racism, but he also hates the Jews. Does that make him a self loathing racist?

  44. JW says:

    It’s both.

  45. Bolognamyus says:

    What the hell is race, anyway?