Alright, let’s see: this guy’s driving a 2004 Honda Civic that’s completely
beat to shit. There’s no way this idiot can afford a traffic ticket. Well, I might as well utilize my position of authority to ruin his entire month. I’ll just run his license plate through the police database real quick to find out if I’m gonna have to kill this motherf*cker in the name of the law. Hmm, the plate comes up clean. Uh oh, what’s this? Expired registration, huh? Excellent. Now I actually have a reason for pulling him over. Let’s get the show on the road. Haha! Get it? Road? Because I pulled this dumbass over on a road! Oh, man, I’m f*ckin’ hilarious. Why did I become a
cop? I should’ve been a world-famous comedian! I’m already way funnier than that racist two-bit hack Jeff Dunham!
Alright, I’ll start off by shining my super strong, industrial-grade flashlight right in this dipshit’s face so that he can’t see and he gets disoriented and acts drunk, even though he’s probably not drunk at all. That’ll get him, that piece of shit normal, everyday person who’s just trying to make a decent living. Not in my town, asshole! I’ll just go by the books at first, until he gives me a reason to mace him in the face. I’ll ask him if he knows why I pulled him over. He’ll either say that he has absolutely no idea, or he’ll confess to doing something that I probably didn’t even know about. If he says something about having bodies in his trunk, I’m just gonna shoot him in the face with my gun. I’ve been carrying this damn gun for three years, and I’ve never gotten to shoot anyone in the face. What’s the point of
carrying a gun all the time if you never get to shoot anyone in the face?! Where’s all the exciting cop work that I thought I was signing up for?!
This retard seems to have no idea why I pulled him over. Now I can pull out that bullshit "your registration is expired" excuse that I just discovered a few minutes ago. Oh, here he goes with some lame-ass, bullshit excuse about how it just expired two weeks ago, and it’s so hard to get into the
DMV in this town because there’s only one DMV that’s open on the weekends, and the location always switches so you never know when it’s open. Oh, and here he comes with the dumbass rant about how you have to get a smog test before you can get registered, and you have to make an appointment for the smog test, and you also have to make an appointment at the DMV even though you don’t know which one’s going to be open on Saturday, and if you have an out-of-state vehicle because you moved here from somewhere else like 90% of the people in this town did, then you have to provide proof of ownership of the car and documents that illustrate when and where you bought the car, which means that if you’re lucky enough to find out which DMV is open on Saturday, you’re going to have to spend about 5 hours standing in line to get the car registered, and it’s really way more of a hassle than it should be.
All I’m hearing is "bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, I have a dead body in my trunk right now." I should just shoot this f*cker in the face and call it a day. If he was a black guy, I’d do it in a hearbeat, and nobody would ask any questions. Not in this town, anyway. This is a white dude, though. He might be some rich asshole’s son. If he is, then his dad f*ckin’ hates him, because otherwise he’d be driving a Range Rover and I wouldn’t have pulled him over, because I could tell that he came from an affluent family that probably owns the police force. This dude, though? He’s probably a meth-head or something. Alright, I might as well get him out of the car and scare him a little bit. Maybe he’ll make some little mistake that I can exaggerate into a larger ordeal, and then I can beat the shit out of him and take him in for resisting arrest.
Okay, he seems to be passing all the sobriety tests without any problems. He doesn’t seem nervous either. He’s probably just a normal dude on his way home from work or something. Dammit. That’s no fun at all. Wait a minute, what is this? A money clip? Who the f*ck carries a money clip? Specifically, who carries a money clip with $12 in it? This guy must be some kind of douchebag. Only douchebags carry money clips. What a wanker. Well, I’m not gonna let this normal, everyday, uneventful traffic stop play out without a single exciting incident. I’ll just say I thought the money clip was a knife, and that’s why I pistol whipped this Civic-drivin’, expired registration-havin’, normal, everyday piece of shit. I’m in a position of authority, dammit, and it’s high time that I started using that authority to do whatever the f*ck I want, just like all of the great authority figures that came before me, like
Napolean, Ghengis Khan, and
Brian Denehy from First Blood. Y’know, all of my role models. Alright, it’s settled: this bitch is getting tazed. I’ll sort out the details later. Now is the time to be a real man and taze this innocent citizen with my legal weapon. Man, I love being a cop!
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
you people are fucking stupid. you all talk big and bad. you do something illegal and get caught and tell the police i didnt do it, even though you did. like we’re stupid, at least not all of us. you never man up and own up to what you did, but you’ll sit there and talk shit of how big your dick is and how manly you are. cowards, then you shoot at police for no reason, other then your dad molested you and how you cant get a job. maybe you shouldnt have raped your sister and sold drugs when you were little. this is why society is as bad as it is today.
What the fuck are you talking about 5.0 this is about someone getting pulled over, not about raping you sister and your dad.
stop reading my mind!
Fuck the POlice FUCK the POLICE FUCK EM!!!!!!
Get em Cube. And Goddammit stop making shitty kids movies, we r hardcore gangsta motherfuckers. WTF happened to you you used to be ballin as hell.
I LOl’d. In the office……with co-workers around. Damn you HT…..damn you to hell!
I hate to quote my west coast rivals here but “Fuck da police!”
ROTFL, wow aint it the truth. Typical day of yer every day dumb cop
Jess
http://www.privacy-stuff.be.tc
hey guys this isnt funny cops work really really really hard okay and paying traffic fines is just part of our civic duty as law abiding citizens
fag, u smell like a cop
I bet he sucks dick like a cop, too.
Go to hell pig!
lol thats happened to me before lol damnit! Luckily my uncle owned the tow truck company the cops use so I got my car back for free…. and thunderboobies somehow does not sounds like a cop username to me…maybe sugartits would be a cop lol
God Dammit, YOU WILL RESPECT MA AUTHORITAH!
this whole “inner monologue” series is fucking stupid.
this was fucking awesome. not as awesome as making K eat a bag of dicks but then again he’d probably do it without any requests from us
actually, K speaketh the trutheth. fucking inner monologues should die a slow painful death.
fuck me….do it !!!@@@
I NEED THIS
I NEED FERTILIZATION
GIVE ME MY SERENDIPITY
JINTAO WAS HEAR
420 LOLOLOLOLOL AMERIKAN SMOKE POTTERS!!!!!11
LOLOLOLOL
What you need is to pull the pin on a hand grenade and stuff it down the front of your pants.
I get so sick of that lame ass “the cops are risking their life” crap. Nobody put a gun to their head and said “be a cop”. Furthermore you have to expend a lot of time & energy to become one. Watch any episode of Cops and see if you don’t hear “I love my job”. I can protect my own. Call them and what’s the first thing they do? Want to know who you are, WTF?