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Inner Monologue of an Extra on the Set of Pearl Harbor

Holy crap. I can’t believe it. I’m actually going to be in a Michael Bay movie! Michael Freakin’ Bay! This is unbelievable!  Okay, let’s see here: I’m playing a Japanese kamakaze pilot during the Pearl Harbor attack.  It’s weird that I got cast in this part, considering that I’m as white as an albino’s asscrack. You’d think there would be a ton of Asian actors out there looking for parts, but I guess not.  What else could it be? That Michael Bay is racist? That’s ridiculous.  He’s already sexist and a pyromaniac.  You can’t be racist, sexist, and a pyromaniac, can you?
Alright, it’s almost time for my part.  All I have to do is sit in this plane cockpit, look really terrified, and then yell my line: "Viva Japan!".  That’s kind of a weird line.  I mean, "viva" is Spanish.  Why would a Japanese guy yell something in Spanish? But hey, what do I know?  I didn’t embark on an extensive historical study of one of the most infamous days in U.S. history, and Michael Bay probably did.  I mean, he wouldn’t start making this movie without having any idea as to how Pearl Harbor actually happened, would he?

Oh! There’s Ben Affleck! I freakin’ love that guy.  He’s so good at everything he does.  He did such a fantastic job writing Good Will Hunting.  That was just an extraordinary movie, and to think that he and Matt Damon wrote that whole thing by themselves.  That’s really impressive.  I bet they’ll both go on to have successful careers as actors and writers.  I mean, they wouldn’t write such an awesome movie and then part ways and never write a single thing again, making everyone suspicious that they just paid a ghostwriter to write the script and then put their names on it in order to launch their careers.  They wouldn’t do that, would they?
Oh, dude! Liv Tyler.  She is so hot.  The one expression that she has in this movie is so awesome.  I can’t wait until she gets to be in future movies, where she’ll portray more than one single expression for every emotion.  She’ll do that, right?
Okay, I’m on. This is my moment.  My time to shine! I’ve waited my whole life for this opportunity, and now I’m ready to—-wait a minute. Michael Bay is talking to the AD again and gesturing wildly. What’s he saying? Aw, f*ck. My part got cut.  Looks like they’re just going to replace me with CGI and special effects.  Well, there’s always the next Michael Bay movie I guess.  I mean, he replaced me with special effects this time, but it’s not like he’s ever going to be completely over-reliant on CGI in the future, is he?

16 Responses to "Inner Monologue of an Extra on the Set of Pearl Harbor"

  1. Justincase says:

    Cleary it was Cuba Gooding Jr.

  2. eric says:

    It was Kate Beckinsdale, not Liv Tyler.

  3. justin says:
    Yeah. You’re right. Then again, who cares? That movie is total dog shit.
  4. MrKillson says:

    It’s Hiromi Oshima you dipshit. Miss June 2004. Hottest Playmate to date.

  5. Captian Obvious says:

    You’re all wrong. It was Josh Hartnett.

  6. FIRST! says:


  7. Gangstalicious says:


  8. the shizzle says:


  9. BlackZepellin says:

    Who is that woman on the second picture? and oh love the Boondocks reference

  10. Justincase says:

    HAHA i just found this video thats perfect for this post http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0 .. reply for me?

  11. Alienpoo says:

    No. I won’t.

  12. Mr. Miyagi says:

    Judging by the guy’s name, it’s probably an advertisement for Safe Auto.

  13. FatCac says:

    Pretty sure it was Liv Tyler. Remember that one scene where Liv Tyler and Ben Afleck were boning down with animal crackers. PEARL HARBOR!!

  14. Michael Bay's Cock Milk says:

    No, that was Armageddon, but close. They were both shit and I laughed my ass off when people died because of all the overacting.

  15. FatCac says:

    No……You must be some sort of crazy person.

  16. Jewish guy says:

    Jewish guys are the best film makers, remember Steven Speilberg?