Okay, I've got a 6-pack of PBR, and a bottle of cheap wine in case there are any chicks at this party that I'm going to. I think that's all I need. Maybe I should just browse the two aisles of this Asian Liquor Store that aren't packed with wine, just to make sure that I don't need anything else before I make my way to the heavily-fortified check out stand. There's a homeless guy at the register right now, anyway, and he's somehow soaking wet from head to toe. Some browsing time will give him a chance to get the f*ck out of here so I can check out in peace. Let's see here:
Woah, there's a lot of shit in this place. They've got paper plates, lightbulbs, and instant coffee all right next to each other. I guess that makes sense. Maybe in asia those things all go together somehow, and I just don't understand the connection. That's probably it. I'm sure this year-old christmas wrapping paper and an unlabeled silver can with the words "Canned Beef in Juice" written on it in sharpie are all okay, too. Jesus. This store is like a bizarro world of some sort. It's like a museum. It looks exactly like a store from a post-apocalyptic movie, where the survivors stumble across a little store and break into it and they're so happy to find food that they have a little bit of fun for a---------HOLY SHIT.
Are you kidding me? Chef Boyardee Dinosaurs?!! They haven't made these for like 20 years! What the f*ck is this can doing here?! What the f*ck is this place? Have I slipped into some sort of time vortex?! Oh, shit. That's what happened. I accidentally traveled back in time. Dammit! I always thought it would be cooler than this! I'm so disappointed in time travel now! Wait a minute,.....the label on those Dinosaurs is all faded. That can is really old. Okay, maybe I didn't travel back to the past, then. Maybe this Asian Liquor Store has really had that can on its shelves for 20 years. I mean, it's in a can right? It can't go bad, right? Hmm, I don't know enough about cans. Dammit, this place is starting to freak me out now. I'm questioning my reality and shit. Is that f*cking homeless guy gone yet?!
Nope, he's still there....wait, is he doing a scratchers card?! What the f*ck, dude! Somebody gave that guy a buck outside and he spent it on a f*ckin' lottery ticket? What a piece of---oh, shit he won $5! Good for him. Maybe I should buy a scratchers ticket. Okay, soaking wet homeless guy's leaving now. Time to make my way up to the cashier and get the f*ck out of this crazy backwards-ass liquor store.
Man, there's a shit-ton of porn up here in the front. Porn and fresh fruit. And a f*cking cat. That's a weird combination. They don't even cover it up, either....the porn, I mean. At least in white people stores the dirty titty mags are in plastic covers, and like behind the counter and stuff. In this store, it's just right f*ckin' there. Well,....I should probably buy one of these Asian porno mags just to have a memento...y'know, so that people will believe me when I tell them how crazy it is. I mean, I totally won't even look at it anyway. What other useless crap are they selling right here at the register, besides hot asian porn?
....................Y'know, on second thought, I don't think I really feel like going to this party. I'll put back the wine, but I might as well keep this PBR, and I'll have to keep this Asian porn as proof that I was here, but not for anything else. I mean, what else would I use it for? Jerking off to?............yeah, I'm probably just gonna jerk off a bunch tonight.
my asian liquor store owners let their chiuaua (who is always wearing a doggy polo) roam free to bark at customers....also i think they sell what looks like meat lollipops
(13 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
October 19th, 2009 at 04:03 pm
first!!
chris o sully
October 19th, 2009 at 04:25 pm
my asian liquor store owners let their chiuaua (who is always wearing a doggy polo) roam free to bark at customers....also i think they sell what looks like meat lollipops
October 19th, 2009 at 04:56 pm
where i'm from (florida) we have arab stores, not asian.
October 20th, 2009 at 03:09 am
arabs are asian.
October 20th, 2009 at 05:09 pm
Good job on knowing any geography!
October 19th, 2009 at 05:03 pm
That was fucking great. Well told story. Although, I wouldn't take my word for it, I'm a brainless piece of shit.
October 19th, 2009 at 06:03 pm
I'm from Maine... we only have white people stores.
October 19th, 2009 at 07:20 pm
hey, me too!
October 19th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
I envy yous.
October 25th, 2009 at 06:01 pm
Are you from Pennsylvania? They only have yous in Pennsylvania
October 20th, 2009 at 08:09 am
Asian porn is awesome
(-) (-)
October 20th, 2009 at 02:45 pm
They have a bunch of stores like that in Cali :P
October 28th, 2009 at 12:05 am
really f*cking hilarious
Im from Florida and all we have are arabs and spics lol
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