Okay, nice, I have the whole bathroom to myself. Don’t have to worry if any weird noises come out of my as—great someone just came in. Ugh. Maybe they just came in to pee. Nope, passed the urinals. The stall right next to me? Really? You’re actively choosing to put your nose closer to the epicenter of my shit. Wow. That’s a good call on your part, asshole. Okay, just going to very sloooowly push out – dammit, I farted. It was a little squeaky one though, maybe he thought it was my shoe or maybe didn’t hear it because the stall wall blocked the sound or something. They probably build them to do stuff like that. Why wouldn’t they, right? No, I just heard him take a breath, I think if I can hear him quietly breath, he can hear a loud squeak from my asshole.
Let’s see, it looks like he’s wearing some older shoes. He’s probably just a normal dude. Probably doesn’t care. Maybe I’ll start peeing, and the sound of my pee will cover up any little farts. Or, wait, I’ll pee and then I’ll fiddle with the newspaper as I push. Just time those two things together. Okay, on three. One, two, whoa he farted! Haha, what a loser.. Okay, looks like I’m done, just grab a couple squares of toilet pap- ohmyfuckingod there’s no toilet paper in this stall!
Why does this happen to me?! Why the fuck does this kind of stuff happen to me? I hate this job so god damned much. I’m not even using my college degree. This has NOTHING to do with what I studied in college. I can’t even make a fuggin relationship work – oh, wait, there is toilet paper, it’s just above the empty roll inside the dispenser. Nice. Alright, back to work. Wait till I get back to my office and tell everybody some dude farted while I was in the bathroom