WTF?! This is ridiculous. Somebody else is singing another Michael Jackson song right before me? I understand that the guy died, but that doesn’t mean you have to pound his entire music library into the ground. I always sing Thriller at karaoke. Always. That’s my go-to karaoke song. I don’t care of six people have done Thriller since I got here two hours ago. None of these posers can do MJ justice like I can. I’m gonna kill this song. Especially if the karaoke guy gives me the 14-minute music video version, like I asked him to do. Man, this Chinese guy before me is doing a great rendition of Black or White. It’s because he’s Chinese. He probably invented karaoke or something. It’s a really long song, though. This guy is taking forever. This is the part of the music video where all the peoples’ faces are changing into each other. Is Whoopi Goldberg in that video? Is it racist if I think of Whoopi Goldberg everytime I see a black person with dreadlocks and glasses? It’s not because I think that all black people look alike. I just really like Whoopi Goldberg. Okay, if anybody ever calls me racist, I’m just gonna tell them how much I like Whoopi Goldberg.
Okay, finally, I’m up. Get ready, handful of people at Karaoke night, ’cause you’re gonna be dancing your asses off in no time! Huh, that’s weird. Nobody seemed very excited when the guy announced that I was singing Thriller. People are shouting things. Probably just words of encouragment. They like me already! Oh, no. Some guy just booed. I heard that pretty clearly. It was definitely a boo. Woah! Somebody just threw a glass at me! They do NOT want to hear Thriller again. Okay, decision time: do I stick to my guns and do the song, or do I get out of hear for my own safety? What would Michael Jackson do? There are a lot of answers for that question, but not many of them apply to my situation. F*ck it. I’m riding this out, and it’s gonna be the best damn rendition of Thriller these people have ever heard. They may be against me now, but by the end of this song—-woah! Barely dodged another pint glass. Where was I? Oh yeah, by the end of this song, these people are going to love me. Just four more minutes of intro left…..maybe I should’ve done a shorter Michael Jackson song, just this once.