Okay, there's a fat guy coming down the aisle. Don't sit here. Don't sit here. I'm a mean, bad person that's not fun to sit next to on a plane. YES! He passed up my row. Uh oh, a smelly old lady is coming up. Don't sit here. I'm a bad man, and I'll suck out the little bit of life that you have left! I'll steal from you! Don't sit next to me! YES! I'm totally coming up roses today. Maybe I have a magical power, where I can deter people with just my thoughts. That's kind of a shitty power, but it's definitely good to know that I may have it. Well, either way, there are only a few chumps left in this boarding line, and then it looks like I'm riding all the way to Chicago in my very own entire Southwest Airlines aisle, which means I'll be able to stretch out, relax, and-----HOLY SHITBALLS.
That's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life. I can't breathe correctly, that's how hot she is. It may also be the ventilation system in this plane. I should ask about that. If I can get this last fat guy to pass up my row, then I should be able to get her to sit next to me. Okay, fat guy: don't sit here. I'm skinny and being near me will just make you feel terrible about yourself for being so god damned fat, and I'll eat as much food as I can, just because it'll make you extra hungry and really frustrated, because I'm a bad, bad person who hates you, so don't sit here! YES! It worked! This hot chick is all mine. I'll just slide over to the middle seat so that she can see there's space available here. I can't be too conspicuous about it, though, otherwise she'll think I'm some kind of creep who's trying to get her to sit next to me so that I can chat her up the whole flight and then try to bone her in the bathroom later. Ooh! I wonder if we'll bone in the bathroom later! If we do, I know exactly how we'll go about it. If I can get my leg up on the----OH, F*CK. SHE JUST ASKED ME IF SHE CAN SIT HERE.
Okay okay okay okay okay okay okay Just relax Just relax relax relax relax relax relax relax oh shit I'm totally freaking out right now! What do I say? What do I do? How should I sit? What should I read? Should I put my headphones on? What if she thinks my music is too loud? What if I have my ipod on shuffle and the Aladdin soundtrack comes on, and she can hear it, and she judges me based on that?! I WILL NOT LET THE ALADDIN SOUNDTRACK RUIN MY LIFE FOR A THIRD TIME!
Okay, I need to just calm down, and take a few deep breaths. I don't want to sound like I'm panting though. What would she think if she sat down next to a dude and he immediately started panting? That's pretty creepy. Okay, I should instigate a conversation. But what can I say? I know where she's going. I know where she's coming from. Also, is it creepy to start a conversation on a plane before it even takes off? How long should you wait into a flight before you start hitting on somebody? Is it based on time, or distance? And is it a percentage of the total time/distance, or is it the same whether the flight is one hour or thirteen hours?
Aaah, okay! Here we go. Ask and you shall receive! Maybe I really am psychic, because things have just been working out today. The flight attendant is coming by to take early drink orders. This is perfect fodder for casual conversation. I'll just order the same thing as her, and then we can chat about how our in-flight beverage tastes are similar, and then hopefully that will move to us liking the same Xbox games, and then one of us will mention that we really like banging in airplane bathrooms, and it's off to the races! She seems like a rum n' coke kinda girl. Or maybe she's a gin n' tonic gal. That would be cool too. Vodka Cranberry? Who the f*ck cares. They're all good, and once we're both drinking, it can't go anywhere but up. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but this is probably going to be the best flight/airplane sex experience that I've ever----
...WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT?! DID SHE ORDER A F*CKIN' CLAMATO?! NO F*CKING WAY AM I HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH A CHICK WHO ORDERED A F*CKING CLAMATO ON A F*CKING PLANE! ME AND PEOPLE WHO ORDER CLAMATOS GO TOGETHER LIKE CLAMS AND TOMATOES, WHICH IS TO SAY THAT WE DON'T GO TOGETHER AT ALL, SO WHY WOULD THEY MAKE A F*CKING DRINK OF THAT COMBINATION, AND WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU ORDER IT?!!! GOD DAMMIT! WHY COULDN'T THAT STUPID F*CKIN' SMELLY OLD LADY SIT HERE SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE STUCK WITH THIS CLAMATO-LOVIN' BITCH FOR THE ENTIRE PLANE RIDE?!!! WORST! PLANE RIDE! EVER!
....I'll still bang her in the bathroom if she wants me to, though.
No shit -- anybody who would spray his shorts just at the SIGHT of a hot chick would probably still fuck the shit out of her even if she was drinking Rosie O'Donnell's menstrual blood.
Are you Still looking for your sugar dady? Want to
find a good looking and quality man but not sure
if they are true and serious? Well, join ___sugar*loves___ to find more than 1200,000 quality verified members and have fun! TOTALLY FREE GO JION, why not try now?our website has helped thousands of online singles find their perfect dates.
Try our internet dating services by joining for free now and start to meet singles near you or from around the globle who are looking for a date, a new relationship, friendship and love, all through our free personals site.Connect with single girls and guys in our singles chat rooms. You can also use live web video and audio instant messaging.
Seriously, Dick Chewer, how fucking bad do you have to fail at life to need attention this badly. Oooo, you made us have to scroll all the way down, aren't you Mr. Big Important Guy. Go pay some guy to suck your stubby little cock, assfuck.
This is just hilarious. The Aladdin bit in particular was a highlight. I think the anger at the Clamato kind of ruined it though, what guy would react like that. Noone would even care what drink she ordered.
(24 Comments)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
September 28th, 2009 at 04:46 pm
First! And this is a complete FAIL, sorry HT, not funny at all
September 28th, 2009 at 04:58 pm
shut the fuck up
September 29th, 2009 at 02:22 pm
Total FAIL.
October 3rd, 2009 at 05:24 pm
This was a fail. Not very funny and they used the same picure three times! they could'nt manage to find a little variety?
September 28th, 2009 at 05:00 pm
This was pretty fucking bad I go with FAIL
September 28th, 2009 at 05:25 pm
This was pretty fuckin AWESOME ill go with win you stupid failed abortion cocksucking whore
September 28th, 2009 at 05:41 pm
HT has just introduced me to the horror of Clamato.
I'm glad i'm foreign and far away from this drink.
Sorry, 'drink'.
September 28th, 2009 at 05:44 pm
Aren't seats on planes assigned?
September 28th, 2009 at 06:02 pm
but not all
September 28th, 2009 at 06:04 pm
Not on Southwest, Penis face.
September 28th, 2009 at 06:05 pm
i would've sucked the clamato out of her mouth, who cares? I've eaten pussy, why not this drink?
September 28th, 2009 at 07:03 pm
No shit -- anybody who would spray his shorts just at the SIGHT of a hot chick would probably still fuck the shit out of her even if she was drinking Rosie O'Donnell's menstrual blood.
September 29th, 2009 at 05:37 am
damn you philosopher
September 28th, 2009 at 06:58 pm
You guys do realize there is something worse out there than Clamato, right?
CLAMATO BEER. That's right, Budweiser sold its soul to the health-nut crowd and made up this monstrosity of a beverage.
http://www.rumorsdaily.com/brd/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/dsc05380new.jpg
September 28th, 2009 at 07:05 pm
What, Budweisurine wasn't enough of a monstrosity already?
September 28th, 2009 at 07:51 pm
Clamato rules morons!!!! Your weak ass bloody marry drinks you serve South of the boarder are shyte!!!!
September 28th, 2009 at 08:03 pm
Are you Still looking for your sugar dady? Want to
find a good looking and quality man but not sure
if they are true and serious? Well, join ___sugar*loves___ to find more than 1200,000 quality verified members and have fun! TOTALLY FREE GO JION, why not try now?our website has helped thousands of online singles find their perfect dates.
Try our internet dating services by joining for free now and start to meet singles near you or from around the globle who are looking for a date, a new relationship, friendship and love, all through our free personals site.Connect with single girls and guys in our singles chat rooms. You can also use live web video and audio instant messaging.
September 28th, 2009 at 08:13 pm
Seriously, Dick Chewer, how fucking bad do you have to fail at life to need attention this badly. Oooo, you made us have to scroll all the way down, aren't you Mr. Big Important Guy. Go pay some guy to suck your stubby little cock, assfuck.
September 28th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
I fuckin love me some Clamato
September 29th, 2009 at 09:42 am
Southwest doesn't serve Clamato... just saying..
December 16th, 2009 at 01:00 am
Yes they do shitface.
September 29th, 2009 at 11:10 am
pretty funny...nice job!
November 4th, 2009 at 08:03 pm
HT u fired
February 1st, 2010 at 07:06 pm
This is just hilarious. The Aladdin bit in particular was a highlight. I think the anger at the Clamato kind of ruined it though, what guy would react like that. Noone would even care what drink she ordered.
Post new comment