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Inner Monologue of a Guy Waiting Line for an Iphone Who Suddenly Has to Sh*t Really Bad

That’s weird.  I thought there would be a bigger line. Okay, focus. When the door opens these eight people are gonna stampede into the store, and I have got to make sure I get one of these new Iphones.  It’s the three GS.  I think the "S" stands for "solver," cause it solves so many problems!  Man, I wonder if everyone here knows it can edit video.  I should tell the guy in front of me.  Oh, he just told the guy in front of him, who said he knew, then told someone walking past him on the street.  Editing video on my iphone is so sweet.  Now I can make that feature film I’ve always wanted to make, but haven’t due to the fact that my iPhone didn’t have video. Dammit. I feel like if I hadn’t stopped for that egg mcmuffin on the way and talked to the jamaican guy behind the counter, about how I was going to get an Iphone, I could’ve been sixth in line instead of ninth.  He did say he thought it was "Jes, I like, you move to right so I help necks customer" when I told him it has more memory. Speaking of McDonalds, I kinda have to take shit. Okay, how much time do I have until the store opens?  5 minutes. There’s no way this guy behind me is gonna save my place in line.

Okay, 5 minutes is no problem.  I’ll just hold it…..oh, god.   Gotta think of something else.  Ha, the guy who’s first in line has a shirt that has a picture of Chewbacca wearing a Yarmulke and it says "Jewbacca."  That guy must get laid all the time.
Yeah. I’m gonna have to take a shit.  Okay, don’t panic.  Just assess the situation. There’s a coffee shop right next door.  I’ll just go in there real quick.  Even if this guy won’t save my spot, I’ll still only be 12th in line.  Oh, wait. Three more people just came.  So I’ll still only be 15th in line.  Dammit.  15th?  That’s way too far back. I’ll never get an iPhone if I’m 15th.  There’s no way they made 15 iPhones!  Maybe I can still hold it.  How much longer? 4 minutes and 38 seconds? Fuck. I can see the employees in there. I know they’re ready.  Just open the fucking door! Oh, shit. I do not want to shit myself in public.  Not for the Iphone…..but it’s a 3GS! The S stands for solver! Fuck.  Okay, maybe I can relax, and just let it come, and it’ll just be a little bit of shit.  Not enough for anyone around me to notice it, and then I can just change before I go in to work.  Yeah, that’s perfect.  Okay, here goes.  I’ll just let it come a little bit and—oh, shit.  It’s not a little bit.  Yeah. Okay.  It’s a full shit. There’s a full shit in my pants now.  How long til the store opens? 4 minutes and 15 seconds…….Fuck.

11 Responses to "Inner Monologue of a Guy Waiting Line for an Iphone Who Suddenly Has to Sh*t Really Bad"

  1. rgar says:

    Hm. I think I gasped out VERY loudly when I read the conclusion to this … The dude took a full shit in his pants.

    I didn’t even KNOW adults still did that. Hm.

    Anyways … modester IPO.

  2. arajasSTsmitten says:

    I am planning on getting the iphone when it comes out. I would like to know a few things about it. What are the pros and cons of getting it? Anything would be helpful!


  3. miami23 says:

    Just captcha should be sufficient.

    Or add a radio button to enable the captcha to appear.

    My captcha code.. lol

    “oise little”

  4. Matt says:

    Don’t take this the wrong way, because I really enjoy Holy Taco, but I think you should get rid of comments all together. They far too often make it appear that the average Holy Taco reader is a horny retarded racist. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually a horny retarded racist.

  5. noahaction says:

    i’d get rid of captcha just because i hate the name ‘captcha’. its so ‘webby’. i bet the guys who run it have soul patches.
    good luck with the spam issue. f*ing ridiculous that you have to deal with those leeches.

    shores detroit

  6. miami23 says:

    Great monologue by the way.
    Maybe all those fart apps came from this inner monologue except from the 3G version.

    I enjoy Holy Taco very much and have been promoting it a whole lot. At least 10 new fans out there.

  7. Fuck says:

    I wish I could change my password.

  8. Fuck says:

    Also, now I can no longer pretend to be Latinlover or the 15 Pauls.

    Lastly, it needs to be a posting requirement that you mention your Captcha phrase. Mine is 13)Sesame lards.

  9. noahaction says:

    too bad they didn’t have an iLiver app

    i’m going to post my captcha words:
    californian zephyrus

    is ‘captcha’ suppossed to be street or Sully from Dorchester?

  10. justin says:
    We’re trying to figure out how to stop spammers and at the same time not have you guys log in.  But we’re stupid.  So it’s taking time.
  11. MrFuzzyPants says:

    It’s good to see the Crypt Keeper is keeping up with current tech.

    Captcha: McKee widest