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Inner Monologue of Kanye West at the VMAs Last Night

Man, what the f*ck is this shit?! Fourth row at the VMA’s? This is ridiculous.  My music video is one of the five videos that got nominated for everything tonight!  I should be front row, baby!  Instead they got those attractive models sittin’ up there, lookin’ pretty, givin’ this English scarecrow guy with the tight pants somethin’ to stare at.  Man, that should be me sittin’ up there in the front.  I’m what the people came to see!  I’m what they’re tunin’ in for!  Boy, I’m sure glad I went and got this random Nazca Lines haircut.  I think it’s really workin’ for me, and I don’t care what the barber said, it definitely doesn’t make me look like an extra from Apocalypto.
 
 
What’s up with Lady Gaga?  Why is she wearin’ a f*ckin’ mask?  Did she get burned by acid?  I bet she got burned by acid. That’s so sad.  I should write a song for her.  It’ll be pretty easy, I think.  There’s lots of words that rhyme with acid: flacid, acid, plastic.  There’s tons of words that rhyme with Gaga, too: mama, papa,…hmm, maybe there’s only two words that rhyme with Gaga.  Well anyway, it’ll be a great song.  I’m gonna call it Oh No, Lady Gaga, You Got Burned With Acids!  It’ll be a hit.  I’ll totally win a spaceman for it next year, and I’ll get up there to make the speech and I’ll be like, "I wanna thank whoever splashed acid on Lady Gaga’s face for givin’ me the inspiration."  And people will be like, "Kanye! We love you! We all wanna pay attention to you!"  It’ll be great.  And then Lady Gaga will be all like, "Oh, Kanye, please f*ck me!" or however they say that in England, but then I’ll be all like, "Lady Gaga, go put on a beekeeper suit so nobody sees how ugly you really are."  And then everybody will be like, "Ooooohhhhhhh!!!!!".  Awesome.
 
 

Oh, the Scarecrow guy is getting ready to announce the first award.  Okay, the white chick won.  I don’t even know who that chick is.  Let’s see: the MTV dude who gave me the bottle of Hennessy told me to "do something ‘Tweet-worthy’ right at the beginning of the show, because otherwise this would be the most boring award show on the face of the planet, because there’s only five videos that were nominated for everything, and only five awards are being given out, and on top of that, MTV really isn’t known for music videos anymore, and the majority of the audience has probably heard all of these songs on the radio, but most of them have never actually seen the music video, and certainly not on MTV."  I wonder what that means.  Well, I guess I can get onstage and say something rude to that gangly white girl.  I mean, the MTV guy said they’d be sure to spread the pictures around of me getting wasted, so probably everyone will just be like, "oh, that crazy Kanye.  He was just drunk as sh*t! What a wacky, possibly semi-retarded character he is!" 
 
 
Oh, I got it: I’ll say something about Beyonce, so that way when Beyonce wins at the end, she can give her time to the gangly white chick, who will conveniently be standing just backstage with a microphone, ready to come on.  Beyonce will win the grand prize and look like a classy broad, which is great because she’s starting to fall out of the limelight a little bit now that everyone’s realized that all her songs sound exactly the same, and the gangly white girl will get a dramatic moment to shine.  I’ll take the fall, because I’m the retarded clown-prince of hip-hop, and everything will work out just fine……………..right?
 

19 Responses to "Inner Monologue of Kanye West at the VMAs Last Night"

  1. jesse says:

    wow… 1st of all lady gaga is fucking AmAzInG & SeXy!
    and kanye did one fucking thing and hes still an amazing artis so all yu pussys need to move on its the past!

  2. heey(: says:

    look, everyone just shut up about it.
    okay, it was damn stupid of kanye and he’s a retard for doing that.
    taylor swift is great and she deserved that award, no one needs to do anything, it’s over with.
    and beyonce sucks anyway..

  3. mic says:

    Ok, Lets be real Did she really deserve the VMA? Or is it that she had all these little kids voting for her of course Beyonce is very talented but maybe shes had her spotlight, now let someone else have have a turn…Now for Kanye West I think that was a rude comment that he made however that just shows how conceited he is My burning question is why did they have to ask President Obama his opinion on this Kanye drama I mean doesnt he have bigger fish to fry?

  4. Karrma says:

    So I think Kanye has got use to being an asshole and he just can’t help it. When ur in the limelight and you have nothing but pride to keep you pushing, thats why he don’t care..plus uh he can cus he has more money then the average bear. Beyonce needs to start producing artists or be Taylor producer cus her voice is shaky without auto tune. Taylor is fucking 17, um I’m 21 starving artist…she deserved every bit of attention. Her composer was too shy but she will be here for along time…shit she writes her own music. I think people need to understand the biz its not all gravy its hard to get credit unless ur already sponsered. But on the real I think Kanye is funny as shit cus he don’t give a fuck… some consideration would be ku. But he won’t change cus he fuck too many women and people…he is Numb to all his life…kinda sad. They r in my prayers!

  5. dean says:

    I hate Beyonce! I hate her has been over the hill husband Jay-Z! Taylor Swift deserved that moonman and that’s all there is to it.

  6. dean says:

    I hate Kanye West too!

  7. biteme says:

    i think that everyone needs to just shut the fuck up about all this shit. he was drunk and did something stupid. get over it. taylor swift still got to have her freakin moment of happiness. time to let it all go

  8. BuzzKiller says:

    ALL YA’LL DUMBASSES JUST NEED TO SHUT DA FUCK UP. PEOPLE HAVE THEIR LIVES AND THEY LIVE IT. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIVES TO LIVE. HOW’S ABOUT YOU NEEGROS’ AND YES, I’M BLACK SO I CAN SAY IT AND IT’S NOT TO A CERTAIN RACIAL DEMOGRAPHIC, IT’S TO ALL YOU PEOPLE AKA NEEGROS, NEED TO LIVE YOUR LIVES AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT THESE OTHER HIGH AND MIGHTY NEEGROS WITH THE $. CUZ WHEN YO AZZ IS DEAD AND GONE U CAN’T TAKE NONE OF THOSE NEEGROS OR THEIR MONEY WITH YOU AND IT AIN’T LIKE THEY’RE GONNA SEE YOUR COMMENT AND TRACK YOU DOWN JUST TO GIVE YOU BREAD FOR TAKING THEIR SIDE. IT’Z WASTED N-R-GY.CIAO LOSERS!!

  9. El Moose says:

    first holy shit, uh i’d like to thank my parents, all my friends, and all u guys out there who supported me!

  10. srks3mpr says:

    what an attention whore

  11. filozofer says:

    but in fairness, Lady GaGa would be better off in a bee keeper suit

  12. Dizzle says:

    Kanye’s always been a racist/shovenist a-hole. He will do absolutely anything to feel important.

  13. Hater says:

    I’ve hated Kanye ever since I’ve heard him speak/rap. He sounds like an idiot every time he opens his mouth. I hate him so much that I took the time to post this comment. I hate Taylor Swift too but not enough to make a separate comment.

  14. just wondering? says:

    I just have to ask…..WTF was Taylor Swift, a “so called country music singer”, doing at the vmas anyway? country music and what ever five videos that mtv plays (all at 3am by the way)not good bed fellows….oh and at the CMA’s (country musics version of the VMA’s) T-pain was there WTF is happening here?

  15. The Original Original Gangsta says:

    hey yo now what t-pain aint shit he no gangsta
    hell taylor swift more gangsta than him
    and kanye,ima let u finish but umm,
    im an OOG nigga! (shruge shoulders)

  16. Dizzle's Father says:

    This is all bullshit, what makes him racist? Because he is black and she is white. Fuck You. He is an asshole, But you are a racist and your mother is a nut guzzling bitch.

    P.S.
    I’m not really your father, but anyone that knows your mother knows that anyone could be.

  17. notme says:

    your mother is a nut guzzling bitch.

    P.S.
    I’m not really your father, but anyone that knows your mother knows that anyone could be.

    haaaaa haaaaa , classic :o )

    oh i hate rap anyway , the sooner its gone the better, but hes just another dirty nigger with a disgusting attitude
    im not racist either, but sometimes u just got to say the ‘N’ word !
    cheers

  18. DA BiTCH YA BOO WANT says:

    DAMN YOU THiNK U BAD TYPiN NiGGA ON DA COMPUTER… iBET U WON’T GO TO ANY BLACK PERSON N SAY DA SHiT. WHY??? CUZ U KNO YOU’LL GET DAT AZZ WHOOPED… TRY DA SHiT iF U WNT TO… PUSSY AZZ BiTCH!!!