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Inner-Monologue Of Kobe Bryant While He Was Accepting The NBA Finals MVP Award

 Do I get the trophy now, or do I have to listen to Jerry Buss’s son give another speech that sounded like it was written by that retarded kid from the Make-A-Wish foundation that I gave my e-mail address to because reporters were around.  I won a championship on my OWN, little Darren, so no, I won’t “make baskets to bring happy time” for you anymore, bitch.
What the?  Why they bringing up Bill Russell to give me my trophy?  I don’t give a shit about Bill Russell, so he won a bunch of championships, big deal.  He played against a bunch a 5’10 white dudes. 
That’d be like if I challenged all the employees of a Wal-mart in Boise, Idaho, to a game.  The last time I saw that many white dudes running around in tiny shorts, I accidentally walked in to Sasha Vujacic’s hotel room when we were playing Golden State.

I hope they don’t think I’m gonna share a moment with Bill Russell, like I got shit to say to him.  Nope, I’m gonna grab that trophy from him, like he was an 18 year old girl handing me the key to her hotel room.  Yoinks, got it.  I probably should force a smile or something here.  Ugh, I hate this part.  Alright, right corner of the mouth, lift up.  Left corner, lift up.  There, smile. 

Hmm, people might say that’s not enough.  Fine, I’ll hand the trophy to my kid.  Whoa, just cause you’re my kid don’t mean you can just grab the trophy, that’s Kobe’s f**king trophy.  Great, now the wife’s looking at me like she wants to hold it.  Apparently a six million dollar ring isn’t enough to keep you happy.  You think you can do whatever you want because one of your titties is the size of Lamar Odom’s head, but you’re wrong.  Kobe won a championship all by himself!  I can do what I want.  I’m gonna f*&k up Stuart Scott’s other eye!  Kobe’s above the law!

31 Responses to "Inner-Monologue Of Kobe Bryant While He Was Accepting The NBA Finals MVP Award"

  1. Anonymous says:


    The NBA had their Finals?

  2. eknks says:

    Ah holy taco, did yall really have to rip on Stuart Scott? He’s a cool sports announcer. I mean, ripping Kobe is fine, but damn holytaco, that was messed up.

    dizi izle dizi izle diziizle canli dizi

  3. Anonymous says:

    check out http://WWW.SQUIBCRIB.COM – funny stuff

  4. Drunken douche says:

    Kobe needs to retire now, and start an AIDS foundation for retired NBA fucktards

  5. Anonymous says:

    You don’t pay a hoe to fuck you. You pay her to leave, hence the acquittal … Good luck with the bridge.

  6. benito says:

    I like how everyone defends Kobe. LOL he raped her get over it lol.

  7. shut up says:

    your a faggot. you wish you were kobe bryant. he was found not guilty by a jury of his peers build a bridge and get the fuck over it for fucks sake! talk about beating a dead horse!

  8. Drew Austin says:

    You have to respect Kobe Bryant, his leadership and determination literally carried the Lakers to a Championship. Not to mention his Nike ad campaigns are awesome, check them out here: http://www.precioustimeny.com/blog/?p=361

  9. Anonymous says:

    ya oj was “not guilty” too.

  10. joycekane says:

    Love him. loooooool.
    Would you like to make friends with people from other country or place?
    Here’s a community __ B l a c k W h i t e C o n n e c t–c om ___
    Then you can get help and suggestions from all over the world.
    While you may find your true love or friendship there.

  11. double-0-douche says:

    While I agree that the rape charge was trumped up, he was never acquitted of the charge. He never went to trial. He just paid the bitch the money she wanted and suddenly she had no interest in testifying against him. So quit acting like he was found “not guilty” and call it what it was: he paid the girl to make the problem go away.

  12. blackie says:

    i like bridges

  13. Kobe Bryant says:

    Damn … this is almost as awesome as when I raped that bitch in Colorado. Man, I need to do that shit again. Ain’t nobody gonna do nuthin about it. I’m fuckin RICH, y’all!

  14. John McCain says:


  15. Anonymous says:

    money and fame….all for rapin’ a skanky ass white girl.

  16. Anonymous says:

    dude that bitch was a skank. she had sex with 7 dudes before kobe. get your facts straight dickface.

  17. christian says:

    yeah it was a joke, stayed up until 5 am to watch that game to the end. fucking waste of time

  18. Anonymous says:

    Arguably the dullest award ceremony of any sport, and the NBA tried to make it all telegenic like we cared… instead of changing channels since the punkass Magic shat their pants in the finals.. and yeah, Kobe totally gave Bill Russell the “give me that shit old man” face when he got it.

  19. Anonymous says:

    i bet MJ raped that chick before Kobe did…sorry Black Mamba, your in a distant second behind His Rapeness..er..Airness

  20. Anonymous says:

    MJ? Maybe. Wilt Chamberlain? Definitely.

  21. Anonymous says:

    This article should be called “when holytaco tries”

  22. Anonymous says:

    your comment should be titled ‘when bitches cry’

  23. Edwordrules says:

    Shooting up.

  24. dusty colorada says:

    wheres birdman?

  25. Anonymous says:

    No, fuck that. Stuart Scott deserves it. He’s a douchetard asshole.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Who is Kobe Bryant? What is this “NBA” you speak of?

  27. This Guy says:

    Ah holy taco, did yall really have to rip on Stuart Scott? He’s a cool sports announcer. I mean, ripping Kobe is fine, but damn holytaco, that was messed up.

  28. justin says:
     That was cheap, you’re right. Sort of a shitty joke as well.  Actually, not sort of.  ’Twas a shitty joke.
  29. Some Black Dude says:

    IF I WAS KOBE BRYANT….I would be chasing so many hot, skinny white girls that look like Jessica Biel.

    I wish I won an NBA championship, so that everytime I enter through a door, all the hot white chicks would be like, “I want him to tear my vagina a new a-hole!”

    But if it’s worth anything, I’ll be willing to trade it all to troll on holy taco.

  30. Anonymous says:

    sorry for hurting your feelings..

  31. Anonymous says: