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Inner Monologue of a Lake Havasu Cop During Spring Break

Looks like another shitty morning to be a cop in Lake Havasu, Arizona. I can’t believe I got stuck in this little shithole town. It’s ironic that such a shitty town was built around a lake filled with piss water.  Who’d have thought that, 10 years ago when my truck broke down on the way to Vegas, I’d end up knocking up a local stripper and staying here to raise the child with her. Well, I guess that’s how life goes: sometimes you become a famous billionaire gambler, and sometimes it shits on your face every day for the rest of your life. I still haven’t gotten my truck fixed, either. I should check on that.
Hmm, that’s strange. There sure are a lot of boats out for a Monday morning. Wait a minute! What time of year is it?! Oh my god, it’s Spring Break!!!! YES!! The one week of the year when people actually want to be in Lake Havasu! The most glorious seven days of the year, when cavity searches become a joy rather than a nightmarish obligation! God bless Spring Break!  Okay, it’s time to start up the normal Spring Break routine: go to the first boat you see and harass the shit out of the hot chicks onboard.  Hey, there’s a boat now!
Okay, let’s see here: the first rule of Lake Havasu copping during Spring Break is to get rid of the dudes. I’ll just tell the dude to give me the drugs that I saw him smoking earlier. If he questions it at all, I’ll just follow standard procedure and taze his ass into the lake.

He shouldn’t have questioned it.  Okay, I got rid of the dude. Now I’ll just pretend to look around for a while. That’ll give me a good opportunity to check out the babes onboard. The best part of it is: they can’t even tell that I’m eye-raping them, thanks to these badass aviator cop sunglasses that I’m wearing!
Hmm. I’m not finding any drugs or illegal contraband of any kind on this boat. Well, I guess I have no choice but to perform a body cavity search on every single one of these tight-bodied, bikini-clad coeds.
Boy, this is gonna be a long week.
Well, it looks like everything is back to normal in Lake Havasu now. That’s okay, though: only 357 days until Spring Break!

12 Responses to "Inner Monologue of a Lake Havasu Cop During Spring Break"

  1. FIrst says:

    FIRst bitchesss

  2. HonkeyJote says:

    Justin, if I could fuck myself in the mouth I would be a happy man.

  3. DonkeyPwnte says:

    My evaluation of the new guy thus far…

    Pros: Not a total retard when it comes to Photoshop.
    Cons: A total retard when it comes to everything else, especially humor.

    Please punch him in that idiotic, frat boy motormouth as soon as possible and BEG Johnny to come back.

  4. justin says:
    He didn’t do any of this post, so go fuck yourself in the mouth.
  5. DonkeyXote. says:

    My fat gut and 3″ cock will make this very difficult but I’ll give it the old college try!

  6. Travis Bucharest says:

    I can imagine how much waste is being gathered in that inland lake. Theres no circulation or filtering whatsoever. Great job creating an inland toxic waste site. People should be ashamed of themselves. I might have to pee in it too to contribute my part in it’s downfall.

  7. dankfood says:

    Yes there is circulation. It’s called being a river dumbass. And do any other lakes on the colorado river have filtration systems like lake mojave, mead and powell? no

  8. HonkeyJote says:

    Bucharest is a toxic landfill.

  9. Jim Deeno says:

    ROTFL, the tazer is a nice touch dude LOL


  10. pratik says:

    The Thursday girls seem to like it up the butt. Interesting.

  11. DonkeyXote says: