This isn't so bad. Just me, my wife, and some of our married friends. Oh, nice, someone brought out Trivial Pursuit. That's cool. Why do we have to break into couples teams? What if I wanted to play by myself? I don't even get a say? They just declare it's teams without asking anyone? What is this Nazi f*&king Germany? Fine then I'm taking off this sweater my wife made me wear. Don't shoot me a look, I'll take off my sweater if I want to take off my sweater, because I do what I want! Hmm, I probably shouldn't take off my sweater if I want to have the chance of having sex later. Whoa, Bob's wife has some huge titties. I really hope she rolls a six and has to lean over and move their piece to the Sports & Leisure square. Six! YES! Look at those things. I'm definitely going to think of those later if my wife and I have sex.
10:30
Am I wearing a sign that says tell me about your boring as f*&k job? I think if I go to the bathroom I could probably sit in there until like ten or fifteen minutes before 12:00 and no one would notice. I wonder how many of these glasses of wine have I had. How does a party turn from a party like this, to one of those parties where we start screwing each other's spouses?
11:38
Ryan Seacrest is a f*&kin' homo! I'm gonna tell my wife that. Whoa, that did not go over well. Everybody's looking at me all weird and shit. F them. EFF...THEM.
11:47
I'm takin' this sweater off. I wish someone had some weed. If my buddy Roger was here he'd have weed and we'd "s" to the "moke" that shit. I need to get some air on the balcony, bitches. Whoa, this party next door sounds waaaaay better than this dumb party. Dang, there's some girls in that party with some really big titties. I bet if I told that party Ryan Seacrest is a homo they'd laugh and shit. Not like my dumb ass wife who just has medium sized titties.
11:59
Duuuuude, yo soy boracho. Oh shit, it's like one minute. Whoa, what the f*&k is wrong with Dick Clark? Ha, I'm gonna do an impression of him for everybody , that shit will be hilaaaarious. Whoa, that did not go over well. Way worse than the Seacrest thing. Shit, twenty seconds. I gotta find Bob's big tittied wife and stand next to her and then she'll be like "where's Bob," and I'll be like "right here, bitch." Great, here comes "Queen whiny bitch" otherwise known as my wife! Ha, I should tell her that one. Nah, maybe not. Ugh, I'm not feeling so good. Feels like a ferret shit in my stomach. Ugh, oh no, here comes the wife, keep it togeth- BLWAAAAAH.
I was directed to this page by a friend because it sounds almost verbatim to what I would say in this situation when the day comes that I'm shackled down and in a couples NYE Party. I often say "Eff that" and have told my buddy, whom likes Ryan Seacrest, that Seacrest is gay; and also often come up with crazy ways to describe situations or how I feel similar to "a ferret shit in my stomach." I need to write for holytaco-- I bet I could make a career out of it with such articles to the point the readers would say, "Well dip my balls in sweet cream-- and sit me in a room full of kittens! That's effin funny!" Someone sign me- I'm ready.
If your wife is making you wear a sweater to ANY kind of party, and you're agreeing to it, you might have more in common with Ryan "See No Breasts" than you think.
Funny stuff. Makes me glad I got divorced. There was weed AND hot ass at the party I went to.
this really sounds like the new years party i went to except me,the wifey felt exactly like this guy!
my husband seemed to have a great time,but i prefer seeing lots of drunkards, titties,ganja,& loud music,rather than 2 couples pretending they're having fun but really humiliated they didn't have better plans,and no babysitter
Everyone at my work is married and always invites me to these parties, except they're actually pretty crazy parties. Bad part about them is that you can't take the chicks home cause they're your co-worker's wives!
(14 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 6th, 2009 at 06:52 am
hahaha very accurate
January 6th, 2009 at 08:53 am
solid stuff
January 6th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I was directed to this page by a friend because it sounds almost verbatim to what I would say in this situation when the day comes that I'm shackled down and in a couples NYE Party. I often say "Eff that" and have told my buddy, whom likes Ryan Seacrest, that Seacrest is gay; and also often come up with crazy ways to describe situations or how I feel similar to "a ferret shit in my stomach." I need to write for holytaco-- I bet I could make a career out of it with such articles to the point the readers would say, "Well dip my balls in sweet cream-- and sit me in a room full of kittens! That's effin funny!" Someone sign me- I'm ready.
September 28th, 2009 at 05:27 pm
Shut the fuck up.
January 6th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Fuck that I'd be the guy with the weed... ditch the squares and titty fuck bobs wife all night hahahahahaha...
January 6th, 2009 at 11:50 am
This is why I date married men..HOW can you not feel bad for them. Plus sex is soooo better since they never get it at home.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
If your wife is making you wear a sweater to ANY kind of party, and you're agreeing to it, you might have more in common with Ryan "See No Breasts" than you think.
Funny stuff. Makes me glad I got divorced. There was weed AND hot ass at the party I went to.
January 6th, 2009 at 04:02 pm
love tities
January 7th, 2009 at 10:35 am
this really sounds like the new years party i went to except me,the wifey felt exactly like this guy!
my husband seemed to have a great time,but i prefer seeing lots of drunkards, titties,ganja,& loud music,rather than 2 couples pretending they're having fun but really humiliated they didn't have better plans,and no babysitter
January 7th, 2009 at 03:11 pm
To Amber:
I am married.
January 7th, 2009 at 05:09 pm
How does a party turn from a party like this, to one of those parties where we start screwing each other's spouses?
It's called alcohol and a camera... wanna see the pictures? :)
January 7th, 2009 at 05:16 pm
How does a party turn from a party like this, to one of those parties where we start screwing each other's spouses?
It's called alcohol and a camera... wanna see the pics? :)
January 7th, 2009 at 05:25 pm
oooh, it's an inner MONOLOGUE....I thought this was going be a photoshoot of Kylie with hers panties off
January 11th, 2009 at 07:52 pm
Everyone at my work is married and always invites me to these parties, except they're actually pretty crazy parties. Bad part about them is that you can't take the chicks home cause they're your co-worker's wives!
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