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Inner Monologue of My Dad Trying To Use Twitter

Yeah, that’s right, I’m a modern guy. I got a new portable phone that can get the world wide internet on. I can check my compuserve email whenever I want. I can download my favorite youtubes. And best of all, I can keep in touch with my kids by using Twitter! I already had the neighbor kid help me set up a username and a password, so it looks like I’m ready to go! Okay, I’m gonna send a message to my son.  What should it be? Oh, I’ve got it!
Hmm. That’s strange. That number turned red. Must be a time limit or something. I guess I’ll just have to type faster so I don’t run out this time.  Dammit, my old fingers aren’t nimble enough to hit these tiny phone buttons. Well, if that’s the worst that’s come from aging, then I guess I’m pretty well off. C’mon, I’m not that old. I can do this! Okay, let’s try again:
WHAT?! God Dammit!! What the hell?! Screw this goddamn thing! Alright, you motherf*ckin’ clock timer thing, if you think you can push me around, you’ve got another thing comin’! I used to box in the Navy! You think I can’t beat your ass?!  HUH?!! I beat the hell out of a Lieutenant once, and I can sure as hell beat the shit out of you!
Hell yeah! What do you think about that, you f*ckin’ bitch-ass clock?! I kicked the shit out of you that time, didn’t I?!  Alright, now all I have to do is wait for my son to get the message and reply…………hmm……..I wonder if he got it. How do I even know if he received it? Wait, why is it popping up on my window thing here? It should be going to his window thing. Shit, did I send it to myself? How did I do that? How do I even get around in this program? What the hell…? Maybe I just need to find my son and see if he can help me figure this out.  Ah, here’s what I’m looking for: "Find People". That’s exactly what I want to do!

Aah! What the hell is all of this shit? None of these are my son! What the hell is wrong with this site? How do people even use it?! I can’t even find my kid on this stupid site! What good is that search button? I search for my son and it just gives me a bunch of people who aren’t my son. That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted! God dammit. What a waste of time. Alright, I give up. I’m just gonna use the world wide internet on my phone to look for porn.  My wife can probably see it on the computer, but this phone is all mine. Let’s see here:
………….what in the god damn hell is the matter with this thing?!  I pushed the tweet button and nothing happened! All it’s doing is listing every goddamn thing that I type in there!  What’s happening? I’ll tell you what’s happening: you’re being a piece of shit, that’s what’s happening!………wait a minute…..maybe this Twitter thing isn’t for talking to people at all….maybe it’s just for telling people what you’re doing.  I don’t see why you’d want to do that when you can just talk to them about what you’re doing.  Hmm…well, if that’s what it’s for, then I guess I’ll give it a shot:

11 Responses to "Inner Monologue of My Dad Trying To Use Twitter"

  1. Anonymously first says:

    yeah baby! first and you’re all bitches.

  2. Ann T Christ says:

    First to take it in the ass? Maybe but not the best cupcake that goes to Donkeyxote

  3. Rabbababa says:

    Fuck yeah, Twitter jokes!

  4. pavl_x says:


  5. Judas WOods says:

    ROTFL, dude thats the funniest thing I ever seen.


  6. Joe The Asshole says:

    You should see your mom after she gave birth to my big fat cock las night. Dude!

  7. pratik says:

    Old people + new tech = lol?

  8. Joe The Asshole says:

    (smelly indians (red dot))^2 + new tech / measly wages = customer representative with hilarious american accents?

  9. pratik says:

    Ya I hate those assholes too. Fuck all this outsourcing… I want a damn job.

  10. Pac-Man says:

    You want to get paid 15 bucks a week to deal with irate retards on the phone all day?

  11. Boo Boo Gal says:

    trust me…I’m a customer service rep in NC and it sucks! By far the worst job. I’ve pretty much lost hope in humanity from this job, it’s amazing how stupid people are. Especially the fact that they think their life is over because theyre remote is busted for a day…wow