(This is for everyone who is curious about KFC’s new Double Down sandwich, but too afraid to try it for themselves. Trust us: you have nothing to fear. It’s delicious.)
Man, I’m hungry. It’s almost lunch time. I wonder what I should eat today. Let’s see: there’s Chinese food nearby
. I guess I could just pick up some fast food, too. But what should I get? There are so many options these days! How do I know what delicious fast food
lunch item is right for me?
Oh, shit. The new KFC Double Down came out today. That might just be delicious. There’s only one way to find out: I have to try it. I have to take that chance. I’m going to KFC to get a Double Down.
Well, that’s weird. The Double Down isn’t even on the menu and there’s no signs for it or anything. I feel like it’s a secret. I’m in on something! It’s exclusive! It’s like a special menu item that you "just have to know about". This is awesome. That probably means it’s going to be spectacular. I should get a couple of these babies, just to be sure I get the full experience. Hmm, it’s taking a really long time for them to make this sandwich. It’s the first day, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Still, I’m pretty sure that I’m the first person who’s ordered the Double Down here. I feel so special. Alright, let’s get it on!
Okay, it looks pretty standard at first glance. Nothing spectacular. It’s heavier than I thought, though. Let’s see what this 540-calorie badboy is made of.
Holy God. This double down looks dangerously delicious. I’m going to enjoy at least some of this experience, I’m sure of that. It’s kind of difficult to eat. KFC says they "replaced the bread on this sandwich with chicken", which seems like a great idea and I’m fully supportive of that move. Bread has had it too good for too long anyway. But you can’t just pick this Double Down up by the chicken. You have to use paper to keep your fingers from getting too greasy, so really they’ve just replaced bread with non-edible paper. In fact, I’m probably gonna accidentally eat some paper right now. It’ll be delicious though, I’m sure.
This thing is way bigger than I thought it was going to be. There’s a lot of chicken in here. A lot of chicken. Okay, I’m about half way done now. So far I’m feeling pretty good. The chicken is delicious, the cheese is gooey, and the bacon…well, I guess there’s bacon in here, too. I feel like I’m hitting a wall, though. A tougher man could probably take this down, no problems, but not me. So far, my biggest complaint about the KFC Double Down is that it makes me feel like a pussy for not being able to finish it.
Okay, I finished my first Double Down. I have to call my parents and let them know that I’m alright. All in all, it was a delicious experience. It’s been about 15 minutes since I started it and my stomach definitely hurts, but in the same way that it does after Thanksgiving dinner. I just feel like I ate way too much food, and I also have an incredible urge to hear my Uncle Phil tell some of his racist World War 2 stories. The good news is: I won’t have to eat for the rest of the day, because I am completely f*ckin’ stuffed now. I’ll just throw my garbage away and get back to—wait, what’s this?
Oh my God. They gave me an extra Double Down! It’s the grilled chicken version. This looks like a totally different eating experience! Well, there’s only one way to find out…