(This is for everyone who is curious about KFC’s new Double Down sandwich, but too afraid to try it for themselves. Trust us: you have nothing to fear. It’s delicious.)
Man, I’m hungry. It’s almost lunch time. I wonder what I should eat today. Let’s see: there’s
Chinese food nearby. I guess I could just pick up some fast food, too. But what should I get? There are so many options these days! How do I know what delicious
fast food lunch item is right for me?
Oh, shit. The new KFC Double Down came out today. That might just be delicious. There’s only one way to find out: I have to try it. I have to take that chance. I’m going to KFC to get a Double Down.
Well, that’s weird. The Double Down isn’t even on the menu and there’s no signs for it or anything. I feel like it’s a secret. I’m in on something! It’s exclusive! It’s like a special menu item that you "just have to know about". This is awesome. That probably means it’s going to be spectacular. I should get a couple of these babies, just to be sure I get the full experience. Hmm, it’s taking a really long time for them to make this sandwich. It’s the first day, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Still, I’m pretty sure that I’m the first person who’s ordered the Double Down here. I feel so special. Alright, let’s get it on!
Okay, it looks pretty standard at first glance. Nothing spectacular. It’s heavier than I thought, though. Let’s see what this 540-calorie badboy is made of.
Holy God. This double down looks dangerously delicious. I’m going to enjoy at least some of this experience, I’m sure of that. It’s kind of difficult to eat. KFC says they "replaced the bread on this sandwich with chicken", which seems like a great idea and I’m fully supportive of that move. Bread has had it too good for too long anyway. But you can’t just pick this Double Down up by the chicken. You have to use paper to keep your fingers from getting too greasy, so really they’ve just replaced bread with non-edible paper. In fact, I’m probably gonna accidentally eat some paper right now. It’ll be delicious though, I’m sure.
This thing is way bigger than I thought it was going to be. There’s a lot of chicken in here. A lot of chicken. Okay, I’m about half way done now. So far I’m feeling pretty good. The chicken is delicious, the cheese is gooey, and the bacon…well, I guess there’s bacon in here, too. I feel like I’m hitting a wall, though. A tougher man could probably take this down, no problems, but not me. So far, my biggest complaint about the KFC Double Down is that it makes me feel like a pussy for not being able to finish it.
Okay, I finished my first Double Down. I have to call my parents and let them know that I’m alright. All in all, it was a delicious experience. It’s been about 15 minutes since I started it and my stomach definitely hurts, but in the same way that it does after Thanksgiving dinner. I just feel like I ate way too much food, and I also have an incredible urge to hear my Uncle Phil tell some of his racist World War 2 stories. The good news is: I won’t have to eat for the rest of the day, because I am completely f*ckin’ stuffed now. I’ll just throw my garbage away and get back to—wait, what’s this?
Oh my God. They gave me an extra Double Down! It’s the grilled chicken version. This looks like a totally different eating experience! Well, there’s only one way to find out…
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
oh my god the FUPA NO!!!!!!!
No, really though. Fourteen years ago, when I opened my diner as half-owner, head cook, I realized that I could combine my “love” of food with my love of cooking. I used to see a shrink about this stuff years ago, but it just got the better of me. Food turns me on.
For the first few weeks, I was fucking meats and such, but never served it to my customers — but then I thought, “Wow this is a waste of money. Just a one-shot fuck and into the trash? No way!”
I seriously started serving the food I fucked, even to my best, most friendly customers. All I have to do is squirt some oil, vinegar, mustard, mayonnaise, or whatever kinda stuff I knew the customer wouldn’t mind, and it would completely cover my load.
This is the first time I’ve said anything to anyone about this, because it’s really frowned-upon. But hey, special sauce is special sauce and my customers can’t get enough of it.
For obvious reasons, I cook and serve food in a country where it is “legal” to serve people this stuff.
My dream is to find a nice little woman to share my pleasures and business with, and to make some kids who will eventually share our sick needs and can take over the business.
And no, the diner isn’t really called “Good times Diner”, there’s no way I’d use my real diner’s name on here or anywhere else. Just remember, some of the smartest, friendliest people are the sickest you’ll ever meet. I make a lot of money selling people this fucked food, and I love every aspect of it.
Come visit us. Ask for the special sauce.
your mom can’t get enough of my special sauce. she’s so infatuated with it she wants to sew her mouth to my dick.
Why does KFC always come out with disgusting shit like this? What was the last thing that they came out before this thing… oh ya, that gross cup of everything in the restaurant mixed into everything else.
Too bad my mom is long dead. But hey, chances are you have had my special sauce.
It’s a good thing I connect with a proxy, cause I could go to jail for a long time. Not just for fucking your underage mom back then, but for the other stuff. Hey kid, I might just be your father.
8======D(___o___)
I’m on the left, your fat cunted mother’s on the right.
Her vagina smells like week old fish gravy.
Suck my balls, Kid.
So which is more Gluttonous?
The KFC Double Down
or…
The Hardees/Carls Jr. Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger
…
My vote is still the thickburger.
Heart Attack waiting to happen
That’s the best thing they have! Mmmmmm…the biscuit bowl.
You have now taste.
a KFC double down is not food. This is a big crap right over a food pyramid. Yes this is a free country, but obviously, some fat capitalist fucks use this country to test their evil theories out…apparently they work. Feed people crap and they will eat it. Make it twice the amount of crap with a bigger name, and people will buy even more. It’s easy people…your food shouldn’t come out of a box, bag or package…at least not ready to eat. There should be protein, a carb, some cooked veggies and raw veggies. There should always be green on your plate…simple. When you go to the grocery store, stick to the produce and meat aisles. I’m sure I could scarf this double down, down, but surely….this is industrial food for an uneducated consumer. Sorry if this offends but it’s true. Educate yourselves. Learn that you can’t have this much fat, sodium and cheese in one serving. It’s not good for you. God will not save you from a FUPA…
Go back to bed, mom.
pratik, you’re Indian, right? Well for someone that eats curry 3 times a day, bathes in a river filled with dead corpses for good luck, eats with his hand sharing a big massive plate with his peers, wears turbans, gowns and shit not fit for a hot climate… you’re one mighty hypocrite.
Disgusting shit is visiting your shit-hole of a country and hear people in neighboring “apartments” as if they were choking themselves, when in fact they’re using a metal thing to scrape shit off their tongues.
Aghhh agggggggghhh aghhhhh aggggghhh arghhhhhhhhhh. Now that’s fucking gross you disgusting little fucking Indian.
yeah ok fatty, I’m a dude…and not a parent. Duuurrrrrrrrrr ;p
I came on this website hoping to see some reviews of Double Down, but instead, all I read were horrible racist comments. Do you guys have nothing better to do than to insult other groups of people that are “beneath you”?
I’m disgusted by the Double Down AND by the uneducated, ignorant Peanut Gallery
First, Douchefuckers.
FIRST BITCHES!!! SUCK MY COCK DWIGHT!!!! FUCK YOU DONKEYXOTE!!
haha! poor bastard!
WHAT THE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE DIE DIE DIE DIE MOTHERFUCKER IM GOING TO POUND YOUR MOM!!!
Alright kids, I hear your mom calling for you to come inside. I hear this, because she is sitting in my lap.
Eww. My mom is old and gross. And bitchy. You can have her. Please, take her and move far away.
And the world wonders why America is so FAT. There is the answer. Toss in some fries and a 32 ounce Soda!
Lou
http://www.whos-watching.es.tc
Its a 40 oz soda, you asshole … and I’m a lean, 200 lb, 6’1, ass-kickin, bacon eating American who eats everything he wants and looks down his nose at elitist foreign fags like you. Back to living in the shadow of the great USA with you.
FUCK YEAH!
>jumps up and [CENSORED] in mid-air<
I assume you are blissfully unaware that only Americans think the U.S.A. is in anyway great. The only things the U.S. is great at is spending money on arms instead of looking after its citizens, making sure the richest 1% have more money than the bottom 95% combined and preaching patriotism instead of giving anybody a fact based education.
HAHAHA you are such a bitch!
Dear God 2.0,
You must be fat.
God 2.0 summed it up quite nicely, USA is only no 1 for a short while longer. You owe the Chinese so much they are actually dumping their own currency so that the dollar (which they own large portions of) can keep up its inflated value and you can get further in debt to them.
Hubris got to you, good luck with spending your way out of the ridiculous war machine/house bubble crisis.
If only 1% is rich in america and the rest of us are the poor 95%… who are the other 4%? Its no wonder the rest of the world needs us to come and bail them out.
I don’t think you read it right, the TOP 1% (excluding the 1.01-4.99%ers), have more money than the BOTTOM 95%.
USA can fucking kill you. Shut up.
diet soda.
After spending years fucking hamburgers at my diner, I can safely say that I would fuck that sandwich. Actually, I would have to call it a “double down syndrome” because I like fuckin things that can’t stave me off by themselves. What can I say, it gets me excited.
Oooooo! Lucky for you! I love it when theres some kind of biological man sauce on my food! Maybe if you get a chance, head over to a fast food joint and blow your load on something. Tell them to save it for Phil, so i can savor it while i stroke myself to the thought of you self oozing it onto my treat. What the fuck Donkey and Dwight? Wheres YOUR man sauce? Greedy dickheads! ):/
Holy Shit, that looks just like DonkeyPwnte’s ass after one of our orgies!
…and Holy Taco has hit an all-time low.