YES. 4 BILLION F*CKING DOLLARS. Suck on that, kids who used to make fun of me in high school for drawing pictures of dudes in leotards all day! Look who’s rolling in it now! Dolla dolla bills, y’all! How many people have managed to turn a seemingly creepy hobby into a multimedia empire? About 399 Billion less than the amount of dollars that I’m about to have, that’s how many. You know what the price of getting called an "artsy homo" for most of your adolescent life is? Well, I do: it’s negative 4 BILLION DOLLARS. And it was worth every f*cking penny, too.
Damn, I need to take a nap soon. I wonder why Disney wants my shit, anyway. Sure, the Marvel movies that have been made so far have made a killing at the box office, and they haven’t scratched the surface of my entire library of work yet, but it doesn’t really seem like Disney’s style. My movies are for adults, and most of Disney’s stuff is for kids. Even Pirates of the Caribbean was decidedly tame, considering that it was all about a class of people who were known for raping and plundering. I don’t know. I guess I could see some of my comic books playing out as Disney movies, though. Like, maybe there could be a movie about Wolverine’s childhood, except it turns out that he grew up in the jungle and his best friend was a singing bear. Or maybe there could be one where Punisher meets a bunch of elves in the woods, and then falls in love with a prince.
Oh! Maybe Submariner, who’s way better than Aquaman, could fall in love with someone who lives on the land, and then he could sing a song and wish that he could have legs to be on land for just a single day, so that he could—oh, wait. I guess Submariner could go on land whenever he wanted. Okay, maybe that one doesn’t work. Jesus, I’ve invented so much shit that I can’t even remember what’s what anymore. This is definitely a good time to sell my empire. Oh, yeah, and let’s not forget: 4 BILLION F*CKING DOLLARS! A super old, nearly dead guy could sure do a lot with that kind of dough. I could buy a boat. Actually, f*ck a boat. I’ll buy a spaceship! Actually, f*ck that! I’ll buy the f*cking moon!
Yeah, that’s exactly what I’ll do: I’ll buy the moon, and then with the leftover money, I’ll build a giant space laser, and aim it right at the Earth, and then I’ll hold the entire world hostage! What a life I’ve lived: I went from being called gay, to becoming a global icon, to a 4 BILLIONAIRE, to becoming the exact type of super villain that I invented and later sold for 4 billion dollars. It’s an ironic, yet brilliant plan. Who’s going to stop me? I’m the only one that knows how to! Oh, man. That’s a brilliant plan. I should’ve used that one in my comics. Maybe I did use it already. Hmm. I’ll have to look into that. Where the hell am I? Oh, right. Disney. Okay, focus, Stan. Just sign your name and the deal’s done. Hmm. I just pissed myself. Okay, the contract is signed, the tiny drawing of me next to my signature is complete, and I am officially a 4 BILLIONAIRE!! Next stop: home, to take my pills and get a quick nap in, and then: to the giant laser store, and then: TO THE MOON!!!!!!