Introducing Holy Taco Premium Plus!

Console video games have recently begun to employ the usage of a terrible, slimy, money-grabbing tactic known as DLC. DLC stands for Downloadable Content. You pay 60 bucks for your game, and then you have to pay $10 or more for new missions or a new weapon or a snazzy new fake outfit for the fake person you play as. It’s all a big con to get you to fork over money for content that should have been on the original $60 disc in the first place and very well could have been since most, if not all, of that content was created alongside everything else on that $60 disc. It’s sleazy, pathetic, and greedy. Anyone that does it should be ashamed of themselves for being a living example of Capitalism gone awry.

With that, we’d like to introduce all of you to Holy Taco Premium Plus, a new service that allows all of our most die-hard fans prove their worth by giving us their money in exchange for exclusive content that you can’t get anywhere else unless you pay us for it.

First off, we hear you; we know you don’t want to have to pay to read our content. But you will have to pay to look at the Holy Taco logo. So, if you feel like being filled with disinterest when you look at a picture of an angry taco wielding what appears to be a lightning bolt, that’s $10.

We fully understand that the great thing about coming to Holy Taco is it’s free. You wouldn’t pay for this stuff, just as much as you wouldn’t pay to see the content on any number of sites you visit daily. With this in mind, we’ve decided to make you pay if you want any of the punchlines to our jokes. For example, in an article you may encounter a sentence that reads “What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?” Any other site would give you the punchline for free, but not here. Here at HT we’ll give you the same punchline you can get literally anywhere else, but we’ll make you pay $15 for it, because typing things and just generally doing our job isn’t good enough. Today, as an introductory offer, we will give you the punchline to the aforementioned joke at no extra charge.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair!*

For the ultra-low price of $12, you can click on any link you want to click on, with an additional 75 cent charge for any additional clicks over zero clicks.

When you reach our main page and you read the teaser opening of an article and then click the “Read more…” link, you will not be charged. Although, if you read any words beyond the words contained within the teaser opening, you’ll be charged $12 and your driver’s license will be revoked immediately.

If you want the writer of an article to wear a differently colored shirt than the one he wore while he wrote the article, simply imagine the author writing the article in a differently colored shirt, and then pay us $12. Why? Because that blue shirt you imagined is classified as Bonus Content that is not part of the originally released content. You could have imagined the writer wore a blue shirt while he wrote the article, but you didn’t, did you? No, you did not. So if you’re reading an article and the author mentions he is wearing a green shirt but you feel the article is more of a blue shirt article, that’s $12.

Lastly, for the low, low price of $15 dollars you can finish reading any article on the site. Seeing as none of you have signed up yet…

*Your credit card has just been charged $15, plus a $4.75 Comedy Delivery Fee