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Jack Hyer: An Epic Wedding Proposal from an Epic Maniac

As attached to Hollywood as we are, it’s no surprise that we react positively to somebody pulling off a movie plot in real life and getting away with it. In this case, we have Jack Hyer, one of those guys who can apparently script his own life and see it to a happy conclusion. And of course, everyone loves him for it.

Back in 2010, while a freshman at the University of Montana, Hyer met a girl named Rebecca Strellnauer. They went on a date, and the whole thing went swimmingly. While most of us would then look forward to a second date and see where it takes them, Hyer chose instead to look ahead to fucking matrimony. Yep, after one date, this guy decided he was going to marry this random girl he barely know, simply because they went to Applebee’s or wherever and had a swell time.

When she ordered the Supreme Nachos and ate the entire thing herself, I knew she was The One. 

Of course, being the smart weirdo that he is, Hyper didn’t propose on the spot. Instead, he decided he would spend the next four years traveling the world, recording himself lip-syncing the Proclaimers’ “500 Miles” in front of various landmarks. He then edited it together and played it for Becca during their graduation, just before proposing. Naturally, she said yes. Also naturally, the Internet drowned in an ocean of feels and turned their tale into a viral sensation. They even got a free honeymoon in Belize over it, because good-looking, well-to-do white people shouldn’t ever have to pay for anything.

But there’s something about this that goes deeper than pure privilege (though try being Tyrone or Manuel and see how quickly you get maced.) I’d like to know why we, as a culture, are celebrating pure, unadulterated creepiness. Because that’s what this guy’s proposal is: creepy as fuck. Get away from the supposed adorableness of his video and you’re left with this: “Baby, you and I have been together for years because teenagers always make the best decisions about their future. I spent the past four years singing that one song from the ’90s where the two Brogues ramble on about walking, and then I made a movie of myself pretending to sing it. Wanna get hitched?”

Of course she said yes! Any one of us would’ve said the same, even if we weren’t gay. Not because he’s a romantic, but because he’s a scary obsessive. It makes me wonder how often she tried to dump his ass and play around like a dumbass college kid is supposed to, except he charmed and manipulated her every time until she changed her mind. I don’t have any evidence of this, except for the fact that this guy planned his proposal after ONE DATE, and then spent four fucking years putting it together. That’s dedication. Creepy, insane, psychotic dedication.

A proposal video four years in the making sure sounds like the perfect set-up for a romantic comedy. But watch yourself Rebecca, or it may soon turn into Fatal Attraction. And you won’t be the one boiling the bunny.

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