Sometimes when you have to fart, you know you can’t, because if you do, you’ll shit your pants. So you hold it in. The reason that you know to hold it in, is because at some point when you were younger, you farted, and in doing so shit your pants. Right after that happened, while the shit was still in your pants, you thought to yourself, “From now on I will always be cognizant of the fact that if I attempt to fart and I feel as though I might shit my pants, I’m not going to take the chance and fart.” So, using the fart-shit-pants theory, it’s peculiar to me that Jamie Lynn Spears, who juuuust got pregnant with a baby she didn’t want, may be pregnant again, with another baby she doesn’t want. Nationalenquirer.com reports:
Despite anonymous public denials, a Spears family member has come forward and confirmed that 17-year-old Jamie Lynn IS pregnant again!
What’s more, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER has learned that Casey Aldridge, the baby’s father, erupted in anger when he found out.
I like that they said he “erupted in anger.” As men, no matter how many years of sex education we’ve had, or how well versed we are with the process of how babies are made, when a woman tells us we’ve gotten her pregnant we react like a retarded child that David Blaine has just performed street magic for; “NO WAY! HOW THE?! WHA? NO WAY!”
Now, keep in mind this was a story reported by the National Enquirer, which is sort of like your mother telling you you’re the best looking kid in school; it may very well be true, but I’d wait until a few more people concur before I’d go around stating it as fact. But there are some signs that lead me to believe it might be. For instance, look at this screen grab from last nights episode of Wheel of Fortune: