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Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer Are Engaged

I used to have these neighbors in college who, every time any girls stopped by my apartment, my neighbor would suddenly appear with his guitar. He’d just come in and be like “oh, hey, I’m just getting back from class, what’s going on?” and then enter my apartment. Then of course, since he was holding his guitar and tuning it, one of the girls would go “You play the guitar?” and he’d act surprised, like he didn’t even know he was holding it and be like “Oh, this? Ha, yeah, I play a little. Here’s a tune I wrote called ‘The Sadness in My Heart Dies With Your Love,” and then play the pussiest shit I’ve ever heard in my life. And the girls for some reason loved it. John Mayer is basically that guy to the world. And although I don’t think Jennifer Aniston is super hot, I think she’s way too hot to be marrying this douchewad. Starmagazine.com reports:

just a week after Jen and John Mayer reignited their romance, Jen made her move and asked him to marry her!

After a barrage of romantic e-mails from him, “she said that she’d only take him back if they got married, and he agreed,” says a source. “They both know this is it. She wants to settle down, and finally, so does he. They’ve even talked about having a family, and John said that he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but her.

I was hoping the quote would go on to say:

“Unless his publicist tells him not to start a family. In which case he won’t, because this is one giant publicity stun- I’ve said too much.” At this point the sound of a gun shot was heard and the source’s phone went dead.

You have to give it to John Mayer in the sense that he’s made an entire singing career out of utilizing paparazzi and a whispery voice that sounds like the voice I use in a movie theater to warn my girlfriend that I farted.

In case you were wondering what their wedding invitation looks like, we here at Holy Taco actually received one.  I took a picture of it to show you:

2 Responses to "Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer Are Engaged"

  1. SkeetSkeet says:

    Wait a minute…you don’t think she’s super hot? I don’t get it…

  2. Seth says:

    John mayer is a musician not an actor, so why the hell would he want a part in a movie?