Jennifer Love Hewitt lost 19 pounds and Health magazine interviewed her. The few excerpts I read were boring as dogshit, except for this rather awkward quote, via people.com:
“I wish I had been nude from the time I was 12 until I was 28. I looked great!” the Ghost Whisperer actress, 29, tells Health magazine in its September issue.
This got me to thinking. I’m a year younger than her, and her rise to fame coincided with my discovery of masturbation. So, in an effort to better represent what Jennifer Love Hewitt meant to me, I’ve constructed this chart:
- Hewitt played a small part in Sister Act Two. It was the only video tape my parents owned. The number is so low because it’s really hard to masturbate to a video that cuts to Whoopi Goldberg every fifteen seconds.
- Party of Five came on the air and I got a television in my bedroom. Unfortunately my bedroom door didn’t lock.
- I moved out of my parents house and “I Know What You Did Last Summer” came out on video.
- I got a high speed internet connection on the computer I shared with my roommates.
- I got a high speed internet connection on my own computer.