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Jersey Shore Italy: The Italian Nightmare Continues

Jersey Shore: Italy is here to ruin an entire nation.  Italy has put a lot of time and effort into creating and sustaining its present day image as a land of hot women, awesome food and Ginos. And it wasn’t easy to get here, they had to slog a lot of crap. The mafia, the Roman Empire, fat guys in gold chains; there’s been a lot to overcome. And now Jersey Shore, MTV’s televised tribute to helmet-wearing mouth-breathers, has landed in the country shaped like a boot giving them a whole new PR nightmare. But Italians, don’t you dare rest on your laurels. Jersey Shore isn’t your only issue and if you let them they will drag all these other skeletons out of your closet.

Mussolini

Yes, the fat man’s been dead for some years but you have two things to worry about – Captain America has made everyone focus on Nazis again and no one likes a Nazi sympathizer and two, Mussolini looks a hell of a lot like a creepy cross between Vladmir Putin and Barack Obama. That, on the surface, doesn’t seem like a big deal, but don’t let Fox and Friends make the connection or they’ll accuse you of being the birthplace of nightmare socialist superbeast Barackmir Putbama. It doesn’t need to make sense, this is FOX we’re talking about.

Frank Stallone

The Stallone family has been a smudge on the Italian Walk of Fame for some time. Yes, Sylvester Stallone gave us Rocky and the Expendables but he also made Rhinestone. But then again, he also made Over the Top and Cobra and those are both awesome. But then there’s his brother Frank. Over the years you may have heard jokes at Frank Stallone’s expense, but do you know why people make fun of Frank Stallone?

Olive Garden

I can make unlimited breadsticks and salad at home, you’re not fooling me, Olive Garden, and you’re not fooling anyone else. Someone once called Olive Garden the Denny’s of Italian food and it’s not far off. Just because there are no clowns on premises does not a fancy restaurant make and just because your menu is two steps past Chef Boyardee doesn’t really make it edible. Italy, this place continues to make a mockery of your cuisine. Beware!

Fagotini

Why is there a pasta named fagotini, Italy? Why?

Nic Cage’s Accent in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

No one will ever take your language seriously or find your accent attractive and sensual again if this stuff keeps going on. Incidentally, this means we made fun of Nic Cage twice today. Not bad.

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