Jessica Alba Loves D-bags And Sick Kids

For the last four months I’ve been trying to formulate a plan that would allow me touch Jessica Alba‘s boobs. I’m not going to go into details, but it involved a Honda Accord, three boxes of cheerios, a Hitler costume and Cincinnatti Reds outfielder Adam Dunn. Don’t try to make sense out of it, it was very layered and complicated. But now I realized there’s a waaaaay easier and more effective method. Starmagazine.com reports:

[Jessica alba responded] when a young fan with a serious heart problem wanted to spend some special time with her

Alina Kent, a 9-year-old native of Stockbridge, Ga., suffers from mitral valve regurgitation, a potentially deadly

Alina and Jessica spent hours at the salon getting makeovers together. “She even asked me to help with her hair and makeup,” raves Alina. “We talked about movies and acting. And we were silly, too. Because I have to drink a lot of water, we had a water drinking contest!”

Hmmm, okay, here’s my new plan: