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Jessica Alba’s BF Will Beat You (Off)

Cash Warren, Jessica Alba’s boyfriend and all-around uber douche, started the site ibeatyou.com where people…um…try to beat each other at stuff like lip synching and movie quoting and…beards. (I’m serious.) On the site you can see Jessica doing a bunch of stupid crap like showing off a thumb trick or…naming the best magazine. (I’m not joking.) The above video is the Cash man himself trying to win the Tongue Twister competition by saying “Toy Boat” 20 times in a row.

The worst part about all this is that this friggin’ tool is dating Jessica Alba. He not only looks like a melvin, but the self-righteous smugness he uses to deliver the last “Toy boat!” proves that he is the big bag of douche you always knew he was. I mean, he’s not even good at it, yet he gives off that “I nailed it!” vibe that you usually only see in high school jocks and wealthy, white prep-school kids. I will give Cash all of my cash to go away forever. (I hope $37 is enough.)

9 Responses to "Jessica Alba’s BF Will Beat You (Off)"

  1. HROP says:

    Man, this sounds like “tu es beau” which in french means “You’re beautiful” if you understand french of course, and if you listen carefully.

    Actually I thought that the guy recorded himself saying that on his own camera. Befor I read the article.

  2. josh says:

    the way his mouth movies looks fake. Anyone agree?

  3. Vageen says:

    Sounds like Forrest Gump

  4. hickmon says:

    How is saying toy boat a tongue twister? What a loser.

    P.S Jessica Alba I love will you marry me plzkthx

  5. chase says:

    i was a little skeptical about the site in the beginning but the site is actually entertaining

  6. Anonymous says:

    The website is actually very fun.

  7. Avenir says:

    Hi. The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.
    I am from Fiji and learning to speak English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: “These biblical greek and hebrew fonts are used with permission and are from the file you are downloading is a zip file containing bibleworks font files.Ocr a optical character recognition font a ocr a optical character recognition font a sample uncial fonts.”

    ;) Thanks in advance. Muna.

  8. m3 says:

    If I beat Cash Warren, do I get to bang Jessica Alba?