Cash Warren, Jessica Alba’s boyfriend and all-around uber douche, started the site ibeatyou.com where people…um…try to beat each other at stuff like lip synching and movie quoting and…beards. (I’m serious.) On the site you can see Jessica doing a bunch of stupid crap like showing off a thumb trick or…naming the best magazine. (I’m not joking.) The above video is the Cash man himself trying to win the Tongue Twister competition by saying “Toy Boat” 20 times in a row.
The worst part about all this is that this friggin’ tool is dating Jessica Alba. He not only looks like a melvin, but the self-righteous smugness he uses to deliver the last “Toy boat!” proves that he is the big bag of douche you always knew he was. I mean, he’s not even good at it, yet he gives off that “I nailed it!” vibe that you usually only see in high school jocks and wealthy, white prep-school kids. I will give Cash all of my cash to go away forever. (I hope $37 is enough.)