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John Mayer Bi-Sexual?

On the left is HILARIOUS comedian and sometimes musician John Mayer. On the right is either a show pig from the county fair that looks like a human, or a human from the county fair that looks like a show pig. Either way a) it deserves a prize and b) its name is Perez Hilton and it claims that it made out with John Mayer, which technically means John Mayer likes dudes. At least that’s according to the show pig. Usmagazine.com reports:

Celeb blogger Perez Hilton hit the airwaves Thursday morning to detail an alleged recent make-out he had with the singer.

“He is definitely bi,” Hilton declared on Ryan Seacrest‘s KIIS-FM radio show, adding that Mayer is “struggling with his sexuality.”

Of their liplock at NYC club Stereo last year, Hilton said, “He kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was on the mouth with tongue.

I wonder if when Perez Hilton told Ryan Seacrest that Mayer was bi, a loud “THUMP” was heard in Seacrest’s studio due to his sudden erection hitting the underside of the table he was sitting at.

As much as it might make sense that Mayer is bi, Perez’s story definitely does not make sense. If you’re John Mayer, you can pretty much have the pick of whatever gay dudes you want, that also don’t run celebrity gossip sites. It makes no sense he’d pick Perez Hilton. It’d be like me going to a fancy buffet in Las Vegas and asking the waiter, “What’s the least expensive thing I can eat here that will also give me diarrhea?”

Mayer’s rep tells Usmagazine.com, “This is all so ridiculous.” Simpson’s rep had no comment.

He may not have made out with Perez Hilton, but I saw a release of his new album cover, and I think he’s trying to tell us something.

10 Responses to "John Mayer Bi-Sexual?"

  1. ME says:

    Show Pig? I have not laughed this hard in at least 3 years…well put.

  2. holycow says:

    where’s the email field? i really miss it

  3. justin says:

    Where’s my virginity? I really miss it.

  4. JD says:

    Perez has a creepy “Zack Effron stalker” look going.

  5. Kimbo's Lice says:

    Where are my balls? Oh, there they are, in John Mayer’s mouth. False alarm, everybody.

  6. Cate says:

    Perez likes jokes. So does John. We all know he’s not bi nor gay. And I think Perez is hilarious too.

  7. jonze says:

    how would we all know he’s not bi or gay cate? your statement is as (or less) poorly defended as everyone else’s. so unless you blew him (which might just mean you sucked a dick that was previously in an ass), how can you be sure?


  8. cory says:

    Wieners are a lot like jello. There’s always room for them.

  9. Buddy Ice says:

    Who the hell is Perez Hilton? He looks like he definitely got his ass whooped every day in high school and now it turned him into a fat, dripping, gay, homo. I’m not a homophobe, but that Hilton looks like a real piece of shit.

    And Mayer looks like a cross between Johnny Depp and an old, chewed up #2 pencil.