I remember sitting in the theater, watching the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and about half-way through, when some weird fish creature or something started talking about a compass of truth, some dude behind me goes “Someone tell me what the f&*k is going on in this movie.” The only time I’ve experienced a more confusing plot was when I was in the emergency room for a dog bite and this homeless dude next to me described, in detail, his plot to kill Tim Meadows. Even that I could follow (until he got to the part where he was going to kill a thousand whales and harness their oil. That was sort of unneccesary I thought.) Anyway, now they’re making a fourth movie and Johnny Depp is reprising his role. Usmagazine.com reports:
Johnny Depp has signed on for a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean installment, Variety reports. (The first three flicks in the Pirates franchise have earned a combined $2.6 billion at the box office.)
I feel like I need to have a talk with America, much like the talk my mom had with me when I told her I was being picked on in elementary school. Here goes. America, if you keep paying attention to the Pirates movies, then they’ll never stop. And for the rest of your life, every time you go anywhere where there’s pirates movies, they’ll know that you’re the kind of person that let’s pirates movies take their lunch and pee on it. Hmmm, I guess my mom’s talk didn’t really translate that well.
I think the plot of this fourth movie isn’t even going to be a plot. It’s just going to be two hours of a studio executive counting money.