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Julia Child Killed Nazis?

The only thing I remember about Julia Child is that my brother told me when I was 9 that if I was “ever doing a super hot chick and you wanted to stop from blowing your load, think of her.” Then he added, “but I guess it won’t matter to you cause you’ll never do a hot chick, homo.” Turns out, Julia wasn’t just someone who prolonged erections during intercourse, but also a spy. Screenjunkies.com reports:

Famed chef Julia Child shared a secret with Supreme Court Justice Arthur Goldberg and Chicago White Sox catcher Moe Berg at a time when the Nazis threatened the world.

They served in an international spy ring managed by the Office of Strategic Services, an early version of the CIA created in World War II by President Franklin Roosevelt.

The secret comes out Thursday , all of the names and previously classified files identifying nearly 24,000 spies who formed the first centralized intelligence effort by the United States.

Man, she’s just like Tom Cruise in those Mission Impossible movies. I wonder if she too partook in ridiculous missions filled with gigantic plot holes that were masked by the fact that she could wear masks of other people that somehow also made her body the same size as the person she was impersonating.

I wonder what she was doing as a spy. I keep imagining that she infiltrated Hitler’s group of confidants as “Gunter, the friendly cooking woman with a man’s name.” Then she waited until she had put him and his buddies in a near comatose state with a Turkey Pot Pie stuffed with fresh vegetables and a homemade crust that was surprisingly easy to prepare, then tried to cut his throat, only to fail when she realized the table settings didn’t match, and Hitler woke up.

2 Responses to "Julia Child Killed Nazis?"

  1. Keeblerkahn says:

    This wasn’t exactly a secret. I read about her being a spy back in the 1980′s. That was before the interwebs of course so I guess it doesn’t count. Nothing is real unless it’s online, right?

  2. Ferdinand Narcos says:

    I’ve known this about all three of these people for more than twenty years.