Could I get a little of Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to be an American” playing in the background for me? And maybe a Michael Bay-esque American Flag flapping behind me while I type this out? If there’s one thing this great country was founded on, it’s punishing those who break the law. Much like Khloe Kardashian has just served 173 minutes of her 30-day sentence.
Kardashian, 24, who appears on E!’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians, was processed into the Lynwood, Calif., jail for women at 10:36 a.m. and released at 1:29 p.m., according to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department.
The department, which runs the city’s jails, has an early-release policy for nonviolent offenders due to overcrowding.
On July 3, she was sentenced to 30 days in jail after failing to complete roadside cleanup duty and enroll in an alcohol education class.
So the next time I’m put on probation for getting a DUI, I’m not going to clean up shit. I might go to the alcohol education class, but that’d just be for laughs and trying to score with a depressed 45-year-old divorcee.
If there is anything we can learn from this, it’s that crime doesn’t pay. I mean, Khloe Kardashian was in the slammer doing hard time for what might have seemed like a lengthy trip to Baskin-Robbins for her. Just look at how much my own world moved forward while she was behind bars:
I masturbated 2 1/2 times (I feel asleep during the third attempt)
I almost finished watching Titanic again
I put in my application at other blogs that don’t use the words “penis”, “poop”, or “semen”
I was rejected by several blogs I applied for
I ate some peanuts
I looked at porn on-line and in print form
I threw rocks at the neighbor’s cat
Let that be a lesson to you, Kids. Break the law, go to prison, and the world passes you by.