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Kung Fu Panda Undermines Civilization

You know how when you watched “The Snorks” as a kid and it pissed you off because you felt the creators of the cartoon were profiting off of your family’s heritage of living underwater and propelling yourself by a “snorkel” atop your head? Well, it’s kind of the way one out of the 2 billion Chinese feels about Kung Fu Panda. Some dude named Zhao Bandi has filed a complaint against Dreamworks and makes a solid case while explaining why he’s such a big douche.

Via eonline:

But Bandi is not asking for any money,just the apology.

“Designing the panda with green eyes is a conspiracy,” the fortysomething artist and fashion designer wrote on his blog.

“A panda with green eyes has the feeling of evil. I have studied oil painting, and we would never use green eyes to describe a kind-hearted figure. So I ask them to open their creative meeting records of this film and explain why the green eyes.

“Next, why is the panda’s father is a duck? Many foreigners think the giant panda is not just China’s symbol, but also the Chinese people’s symbol. Drawing the father of the giant panda as a duck is an insult to the Chinese people. In a few years time, I’m worried some young Chinese people will think their ancestor is Donald Duck.”

I know when I was driving home after taking my little niece to see Kung Fu Panda, I had to explain that when ducks have sex, they don’t spawn large Oreo bears. It put me in an awkward position and my 6-year-old niece had to grow up all too quickly that dark day. Damn you, Dreamworks, for putting my family through that — and I’m not even Chinese.

12 Responses to "Kung Fu Panda Undermines Civilization"

  1. Jaimo says:

    I’ve never seen a Chinese person with green eyes, but I have seen a Shih Tzu with green eyes, and let me tell you: that little freak of nature was possessed.

    After a quick check with Wikipedia, I gather that American Shih Tzu Magazine once described the little beast’s character as follows: “Nobody knows how the Ancient Eunuchs managed to mix togetherAnd now here comes the recipe: A dash of lion, several teaspoons of rabbit, a couple of ounces of domestic cat, one part court jester, a dash of ballerina, a pinch of old man (Chinese), a bit of beggar, a tablespoon of monkey, one part baby seal, a dash of teddy bear and the rest dogs of Tibetan and Chinese origin.”

    Now that’s a balanced diet. I haven’t eaten a ballerina yet but, damn, I’m gonna be twirlin’ that tutu soon… Hopefully I can stomach the sour old man along the way.

  2. Eli says:

    @Eli above:

    Hey! What the fuck! Don’t use my god damn name!

  3. Liz says:

    Wait, so is everyone with green eyes evil, or just pandas? Because if he has a problem with green eyes in general, he could join up with the evangelicals and burn piles of Harry Potter books.

    But hey, the guy’s studied oil paintings. Who am I to argue with him?

  4. ela says:

    if they care so damn much about pandas why the hell don’t they help stop the destruction of their habitats? these people eat DOGS- that undermines human sensibility…rationality.

  5. Eli says:

    You had a good point there with the destruction of the Panda’s habitat, but that dog comment…”these people”, damn that’s ignorant!

  6. Voice says:

    Ela to what reason do you state that eating dogs undermines human sensibility? Because you know, chickens aren’t animals like dogs. Cattle was created by “god” for homo sapiens to devour. Culture and location determines the source of food, just because what you see and deem wrong doesn’t mean that it is wrong. Vegans probably see you as a disgusting carnivorous animal stuffing your face with greasy fast food burgers and swallowing deep fried chicken and killing little male chicks by the tons. But you know thats just how vegans look at the world.

  7. MeatMaster says:

    Next time i got to a pot luck im going to bring a heaping plate of skewerd benji with a side of lassy stew. Ohh man that sounds so good, you crazy vegans what will you think of next!

  8. ela says:

    i don’t eat animals period. so much for your ranting and biblical misuse. you both seem to be playing the roles of saints because i’m use you’ve both used ‘these people’ in your everyday lives more times than a chinese woman uses the turning signal in her car.
    please regroup and stick your political correctness up your asses. we’re talkin about pandas here- if you’re bored and need a different topic use the search tab and ‘voice’- get a guide to the bible. thanks.

  9. ela says:

    wait let me clarify that:
    i’m sure you’ve both used “these people’ in your everyday lives more times than a chinese woman uses the turning signal in her car.

  10. ela says:

    ‘Culture and location determines the source of food, just because what you see and deem wrong doesn’t mean that it is wrong. ‘

    you moron do some research. they don’t serve this shit up like McD’s big macs. its the fois grois of asia. god PEOPLE LIKE YOU should be banned from using your hands much less your mouth.

    did i use that right? yeah i did.

  11. Paul says:

    To say green eyes is a sign of evil is purely absurd. To actually worry that kids will think their ancestors came from Donald Duck is just stupid. And WHO had a problem explaining cartoon animals ADOPTING another animal of a different species? Real animals do that.
    Regarding the eating of odd animals, we here in the U.S. and U.K. have the luxury of eating only select animals but China that has famines every couple of years needs to consume what they can to survive. After all that China STILL hasn’t created hydroponic farms to feed the whole country? Someone in charge doesn’t care.
    I can understand the need to consume what’s available but the eating of aborted fetuses is revolting and totally disrespectful of human life.