Hey, Guy That Says LOL In Real World Conversation
We love the fact that you were amused by that thing we said. Not to be self-aggrandizing about it, but yeah; that thing we said was pretty witty and clever, and it warranted a laugh, or at least a kind smile.
We are worried about something, though. After we said that funny thing, you didn’t laugh or smile — you expressed your amusement through an internet abbreviation that’s rarely used to express the actual act it’s an abbreviation for: “Laughing Out Loud.” If you actually did laugh out loud, we would have heard it and seen it. But you didn’t do that. Instead, you stoically recited the letters L, O, and L, expecting all others around to just accept your brand of ironic conversational response.
Doing this doesn’t make you clever or witty, even though you probably think it does. What it’s actually doing is making everyone within earshot instantly aware of the lame doucher in their vicinity. So, in that sense, you’re actually performing a bit of a service. By only uttering 3 little letters, you’re telling everyone that you are to be avoided at all costs, and that conversation with you is like be lobotomized by LOLcats using surgical tools made of Rick Astley.
We all have our different little ways we express amusement. Some laugh loudly, some snort, some squeak out little chirps that signify joy. Your chosen method is reminiscent of an android — whose only knowledge of human interaction was gleamed off of 4chan posts and Youtube comments — that’s trying to fit in to a human society that hates androids for that very reason. It’s a cold, mechanical response that we have all by now realized means nothing, and is as empty a gesture as giving a last place little league team a trophy at the end of the season. It’s the internet’s version of common curtsey, which is to say, it’s a terrible form of common curtsey.
We hypothesize that the problems lies in your inability to distinguish real life from your digital life, and thinking of these separate lives as interchangeable – what is acceptable in the digital life is acceptable in the physical. This is not so. As mentioned above, the world of online interaction is cold and mechanical. It’s filled with thoughts and ideas that are rarely of vast importance. It’s a world of endless bickering that rarely brings about solutions, and leaves everyone enraged and exhausted. By bringing this form of interaction in to the real world, you are bringing all of its negative aspects with it. When you casually spit out an LOL, you add a shot of impersonality to vibrant, tangible, and meaningful interaction. Even if a physical interaction is frivolous and stupid, it’s still going to be far more substantial than the digital one, because it’s an established personal connection; you can look in to someone’s eyes. When an LOL is spoken aloud, that connection is broken, tangibility is lost, and you look like an asshole that’s been spending way too much time still bitching about how shitty the Matrix sequels were on an obscure balloon fetish forum board.
So, in conclusion, shut the f*ck up and laugh. Or don’t even bother.
P.S. — LOL