See, it’s stories like this that make me appreciate that my dad calls me only when there’s something wrong with his “thing that plays those CD movies” or when a pitcher is currently taking a no-hitter into the seventh inning. Daily news reports:
Lindsay Lohan‘s dad, Michael, says his famous daughter is all set to do missionary work in India.
“Our trip next February encompasses the issue of child sexual slavery in India. We also deal with helping AIDS victims,” he tells In Touch. “She has made it clear she definitely wants to come along.”
What the hell is Lindsay Lohan going to say to child prostitutes in India? “Listen, being a sex slave is not cool. You should only have sex with dudes that have big weiners or have cocaine. In fact, a good rule is the bigger the weiner, the less cocaine he has to have and the more cocaine, the lesser the weiner.” Of course, Lindsay’s rep made a statement:
Unfortunately, says her rep, “per Lindsay, this isn’t true.”
Way to throw Lindsay under the bus, Michael Lohan. There’s no way you can’t look like an asshole when you make a statement saying you don’t want to help AIDS victims. It’s like walking past a homeless person on your way to the laundromat and telling them you’re out of change, even though every step you take sounds like a slot machine that’s paying out. Anyway, I don’t blame Lindsay. She would be so f-ing bored in India. Every picture you would see of her from there would look like this:
Editor’s note: Don’t bother writing in “That’s not India.” I know this isn’t India, but it was way easier to photoshop.