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Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Doesn’t Want To Know

Suddenly everybody thinks Lindsay Lohan is a Lesbian because a couple photos of her and Samantha Ronson surfaced such as the one above, where she looks like she’s at a seventh grade dance and Samantha Ronson is the boy from her drama class that’s trying to hide his boner. Michael Lohan, being the amazing father he is, decided to let her know his feelings through way of tabloid. Well played sir. Usmagazine.com reports:

Michael Lohan isn’t playing dumb when it comes to his daughter Lindsay’s close relationship with deejay Samantha Ronson.

He tells Usmagazine.com in an e-mail [Samantha and Lindsay's] relationship “is evident to anyone with half a brain.”

In related news, Mario Lopez announced he wasn’t sure about Lindsay and Samantha’s relationship.

I think Lindsay’s probably just testing the waters. By this point she’s seen a thousand penises, she knows how that movie ends. Sure, she has her own vagina, but a vagina is like the new Honda Accord Coupe, sleek and stylish, and available in four colors. Make an appointment to test drive one today at your local Honda dealer! (Sorry, I had to plug for advertising, figured I’d kill two birds with one stone.)

Anyway, Michael Lohan of course had to bring God in to this, who I’m sure isn’t busy at all.

Lohan goes on to say his daughter, 21, “is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God.”

First of all, I checked the bible and God has already weighed in on this exact discussion. I scanned the page so you could see for yourself. I also found out some other shocking news:

I’m definitely letting Sprint know about this.

4 Responses to "Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Doesn’t Want To Know"

  1. Newt says:

    Ah, the King James version sounds just like poetry.

  2. Franky says:

    lmao no ETF says God ayyyy. sneaky

  3. Seth says:

    The author of this arcticle recieves an “F”.

  4. Rob H says:

    Actually, LoDad has it all wrong. Because he and LoMom didn’t do their job when Lindsay was 12, she can’t make these choices at 21 or any other age. At this point she needs a father figure, not a clam digger.