Lock of the Weekend

“Why God, why am I on the Lions?”

Okay, let me first address my loss last week in which New Orleans failed to cover 3 points against a headless bucs team.

F YOU REGGIE BUSH! There’s 3 minutes left and you fumble with a three point lead?! The only thing you have to do is hold on to the ball! Is one thing too much to remember?! Do you go into the bathroom and look around, thinking to yourself “what was I in here for?” then shit your pants? Now, because of you, I’ll be unable to attend therapy this week due to lack of funds, so I expect your ass to give me a call and be prepared to discuss my father’s inability to show me love which led to my gambling problem.

Now on to this weekends lock.

COWBOYS (+7) over Lions

Jon Kitna loves Jesus. But Tony Romo went from being a back up quarterback I used to call “The Romosexual” to a guy with a 40 million dollar contract who bangs Jessica Simpson and is now referred to as “Romocop.” So something tells me Jesus loves Tony Romo more.

The Lions can’t run the football, Roy williams is out, and Minnesota put up 42 points on their defense last week with Tavaris Jackson at quarterback, who throws a football like he’s tossing a Halibut at the Seattle Fish Market.

I know last week I promised to rip the mole off Drew Brees’ face if they didn’t cover. I’m working on it. Things take time. This week, if the Cowboys can’t cover a one touchdown spread against the excrement that is the Lions, I’m going to go to Tony Romo’s house and poke a hole in all of his condoms.

For the season

RECORD: 0-1 MONEY WON/LOST (-100)