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Madonna Ass-Kickings, Don Johnson, and Erections: Holy Taco’s Interview with Model Jessica Vaugn

Jessica Vaugn

Not to toot our own horns or nothing, but we’ve got some pretty hot friends. Take Jessica Vaugn, for instance. With Jessica, we didn’t have to break in to her home, hack in to her Facebook account and Like the Holy Taco Facebook page, because Jessica clicked the Like button all on her own with absolutely no provocation/pet kidnapping ransoms on our part.  She’s a fan and she’s constantly name-checking us on her Twitter page.

This is why we decided to toss a bunch of our trademark stupid questions her way.

You can find Jessica on twitter and her personal website, JessicaVaugn.com.

HT: Zombies Have Taken Over The Land, You Have To Arm Yourself. What Zombie-killing Weapons Do Carry With You as You Roam the Post-Apocalyptic Wastelands?
Jessica: Sexy bras to distract them.

HT: You write over at the Smoking Jacket, how long as that been going on?  Why don’t you write for Holy Taco?  What’s your game, lady?
Jessica: I’ve been writing for The Smoking Jacket every week since February. It’s awesome. I like any excuse to ask models things that make them blush. I don’t remember ever being asked to write for Holy Taco. Do y’all do dental insurance? I’m revisiting the idea of braces. I think I’d be great member of Holy Taco staff. I could be third shift!

Jessica Vaugn

HT: Best place you’ve ever had a photo shoot?  Worst?
Jessica: Oh man, this will bring up repressed memories! Worst was the nastiest house this photographer lived in, with no heat in the dead of winter in the Midwest US, which is freakin’ freezing. There was dog pee everywhere on all his shambled furniture and carpet. He was a real pervert on top of all of that and had an erection the entire time he was shooting me.  It was the hardest 4 hours of my career. I felt sort of bad taking my pay, thinking how he needed to give that money to a house keeper…or a demolition crew. The dude then fills out my anonymous survey I have set up and basically tells me he was disappointed in our shoot because I didn’t emotionally bond with him and do dirtier things on camera. What a sicko! I felt sort of bad taking my pay, thinking how he needed to give that money to a house keeper…or a demolition crew.
The best place I’ve had a shoot is a model friend Claudia’s former house in Boca Raton, Florida. Don Johnson use to live there. It’s completely amazing beyond explanation. It’s been decorated by night club professional decorators, so it’s really an impressive place to shoot. Trying to describe and itemize everything inside it would not do it justice.

HT: We’ve heard tell that a lot of photographers ask their models to do insane and or ridiculous things, what’s the most preposterous thing a photographer has ever asked of you?  Do you ever ask models to do ridiculous things for you?
Jessica: It’s a very common thing for photographers to ask models to do ridiculous things they think are cool or new. Oftentimes it’s hard to stifle the urge to puke right there and forfeit the day’s work to avoid doing the truly embarrassing thing they want you to do. I have so many countless examples from everything to putting fake blood on my mouth to look like I’ve been hit in the mouth while laying knocked out into the arms of a nun to wearing ridiculous looking wigs. I’ve been asked to wear clover shaped pasties and rub cupcakes all over my body. I’ve had shoot requests to use rhinestones to make a flower on my face along with a matching glued on rhinestone bikini. Photographers have asked me to jump on the bed for an hour straight. I really think sometimes people hire you just for the satisfaction of telling someone what to do. It’s nice that I’ve moved to a place in my career that I can be more selective and screen out these people.
I never try and embarrass a model because I know how it feels!!

HT: If Fear Factor was still on TV, would you eat some nasty shit for $50k?
Jessica: In theory, I might, but in reality I know I have such a weak stomach that participating in that show would be so very unrealistic for me. Look, I can’t even eat yogurt. I cheer people on who do. If it was just balls I’m lacking I’d work on it, but I know it’s much deeper in my psyche (and stomach) for that.

Jessica-Vaugn

HT: Anyone you feel like trash talking right now?
Jessica: There are a few stupid bitches in my past life that like to pop up every now and then. It’s really sad when people are so devoid of substance in their own life that they can spend so much time obsessing about things from years before, never moving forward with their own goals. I’m much too driven to worry about anyone that is not RIGHT NOW. I can’t imagine people who have nothing to do but think of ways to hurt other people they don’t even know anymore. What a shame the government doesn’t find something for them to do, like pick up trash on the highways or something else productive.

HT: Best cocktail in the world?
Jessica: I make these ridiculously great citrus drinks I call ricky ticky tavi. Come to think of it I have no idea why in the hell I call it that. Must have been dubbed that when I was drunk. Its sprite, ice, lime juice, and vodka. Sounds simple but its half about presentation…Must be served in a frosted glass with lime garnish. I reeled them out at my house parties!! Back then I used Gray Goose, but I’m all about Ketel One these days. Oh, and I really get down to some Two Buck Chuck, Trader Joe’s Cabernet.

HT: If you had to fight a celebrity, and lose, who would you want to be taken down by?
Jessica: The Rock. I mean, I wouldn’t feel bad because everyone would lose to The Rock. Was that the easy way out of your question? Probably. I wouldn’t mind getting my butt kicked by Madonna. If I had my choice I’d fight with young Madonna though… just more ascetically pleasing. Is that wrong?

HT: Worst message someone has ever sent you on Twitter?
Jessica: Oh geeze, every day there’s some smarty asking to have sex for money or asking to take me to Zaire. A part of the territory of being a glamour model is relating to people- people you might not always communicate with under different circumstances. I love talking to people who appreciate my work I just wish they’d respect the fact that I have boundaries as a person. Seems easy enough.

Jessica Vaugn

HT:  Do you remember when you fell in love with Holy Taco?


Jessica: Oh yes I remember one cold night in LA at my computer where I was plotting how to get featured on Maxim.com. I saw my friend Sarah Alize text linked on Maxim.com to HolyTaco.com. That was my short trail to the site. Then I really came to understand Maxim was really a link to the real prize, Holy Taco!! I added HT on Facebook and the more popular Twitter, and life has never really been the same since!

HT: Horror movies or sci-fi?  Justify your answer with examples of one’s superiority over the other.
Jessica: That’s easy. Horror is the older, hotter brother of sci-fi. I know I might catch some static for this, but, I really wish people wouldn’t use sci-fi fanatic as their Twitter headline. I mean, I only get three sentences to sum you up when someone follows me and you want to tell me upfront you’re a nerd? Let’s revise our strategy for getting attention. Now I love me some Star Trek, but when I snuggle in for a movie I’m always cleaning the movie rental places out of horror movies. Slashers, stalkers, fiction, reality based documentaries on serial killers… you name it, I love it. There are many movies that walk the edge of sci-fi I really like. Who doesn’t appreciate killer aliens?

HT: Beef – ground, steak or roast?
Jessica: Yeah, that covers today’s breakfast, lunch and dinner. Ya’see, I’m from Kansas where all there is is cows… You have to really get creative how to use all the beef in new ways. I’m glad you didn’t ask me about chicken. I’m really bored with chicken. Bleh.

HT: Guys like girls who talk sexy about other girls, and we pander – who’s the sexiest model out there who isn’t genetically the same as you?
Jessica: Just one? Boy this is tough to edit down! I have always found VS Angel Adriana Lima to be a point of inspiration to me as a model. I also have a new found love for Sports Illustrated cover model Irina Shayk. I had my eye on her since she came out as a Guess model last year. I only have so much room in my heart to idealize different women!

HT: Funniest comedian?  Unfunniest? It’s OK to say Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia, they’re both right answers.
Jessica: I deeply connect with Chelsea Handler.  I try and tune out redneck comedians.

3 Responses to "Madonna Ass-Kickings, Don Johnson, and Erections: Holy Taco’s Interview with Model Jessica Vaugn"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

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  2. a guy can dream says:

    this real? if yes sweeeeeet