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Mariah Carey Has Doody Guards


There’s two things I fear in life; this old neighbor I used to have that told me on two different occassions that sometimes he “wished he could just wear my face,” and people screwing with me while I’m taking a crap.  Mariah Carey only has to worry about one of those.  Exposay.com reports:

Mariah Carey reportedly demanded a guarded private toilet during her wedding reception.

The ‘Touch My Body’ singer – who secretly married rapper Nick Cannon in the Bahamas on April 30 – is said to have specifically asked for the exclusive facilities at Los Angeles’ Six Flags Magic Mountain Theme Park on Tuesday night.

You know, normally I tend to get a little riled up at the pampering of celebrities, but if I was rich, I swear to God I would have bodyguards with me just to stand outside while I shit.  There is NO more vulnerable time for a human being than when they’re shitting.  Think about it, take the most badass person you can think of, Chuck Norris, Bruce lee, whoever.  Then imagine you attacking them right in the middle of them taking a shit.  Yeah, that’s right, you probably win that fight because NO ONE, not Norris, not Lee, wants to get up from the pot while they have a shitty ass.  So basically, I feel Mariah on this one.

Anyway,  this got me to thinking.  Mariah hasn’t had a good movie in….well, she’s never had a good movie.  And this sounds a lot like another movie that was incredibly successful.  And we all know how much studios like to make sequels to movies, so I can definitely see something like this:


5 Responses to "Mariah Carey Has Doody Guards"

  1. gstar says:

    and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love pooooooo~

  2. SmartAss says:

    I think The PottyGuard would have been more clever. Flows better. Funny post tho!

  3. morty says:

    *Insert creepy id eat out of her asshole comment here.

  4. PIZAAAAA says:

    At work there’s this fat mexican lady who speaks broken english and almost every fucking day she sings touch my body. DO NOT WANT

  5. Koka says:

    So funny! I’d still be afraid of chuck norris if he was on the can. I think his shit could kick my ass.