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Mario Lopez Only Cheats On Mario Lopez With Mario Lopez

Mario Lopez must have the most amazing Publicist and agent in the entire world, because last I checked, he has absolutely no talent, has been in exactly zero shows that have any sort of redeeming value, and yet, every where you go, you see him. It’d be like turning on Sportscenter and being bombarded by footage of L.A. Clipper games. Now, people.com has voted Mario Lopez the “hottest bachelor.”

As fans know, Lopez has mined his love of fitness to create his own book, Mario Lopez’s Knockout Fitness. The exercise guru, who is recently single, says that a full slate of projects has kept him off the dating market but that hasn’t stopped him from thinking about dating completely.

Um, the reason why he’s a “bachelor” is because he just cheated on this woman, and they broke up:

And before that he was married to Ali Landry, (pictured below in the midst of falling asleep while looking for a contact lens)

and then cheated on her on their honeymoon. Now, even though pretty much everything I know about women comes from seasons 1, and 3-6 of the Golden Girls (second season had a weird Dorothy sub plot with her dead husband that kept making my great aunt who was staying with us freak out every time we watched it, so I stopped), but it seems to me that women tend to not like it when they’re dating a guy and he bangs someone else. I think that’s like, way frowned upon.

Plus, take a look at the two women he cheated on. His penis must be really high maintenance because Jesus Christ man, right now there’s probably someone masturbating to the two images I just posted and they probably didn’t even intend on doing that, they just thought they were going to read a post about Mario Lopez and then looked down, surprised to find they had a bottle of lotion in one hand, and a boner in the other. If he cheats on those two, who wouldn’t he cheat on? Wait, I know, there’s only one person who can satisfy Mario Lopez:

2 Responses to "Mario Lopez Only Cheats On Mario Lopez With Mario Lopez"

  1. goose says:

    aw they look so happy

  2. Daniel says:

    This post is win. I cracked up so hard.