NSFW, unless your boss is really into scat.
The Internet gives everybody a voice, and some choose to take advantage by saying literally the same thing over and over and over again. In some cases, it’s a one-issue political activist writing article after article about how babies should be given liquid marijuana in their bottles because it helps reduce anxiety (note: DON’T DO THIS, I’M FULL OF LIES). In other cases, it’s a random person crowing on and on about their favorite thing in the world, such as this guy, who appears to very much enjoy poopy:
His name is Mark Wilson, and his magnum opus, “I’m on The Pot,” is a nine-minute tribute to how much he loves taking a shit. It’s basically the Innagadadavida of fecophilia. But rather than wax poetic about the poo, he takes a cruder, more repetitive approach, like a bachelor who only eats grilled cheese sandwiches because that’s all he can make. Some sample dialogue:
“I love to take a shit, oh yeah”
“I love when shit comes outta your ass man man, oh yeah”
“When shit comes out of your ass, it feels good to have shit come out of your ass”
“Takin’ a dump man, I like to take a big huge dump man”
“Man, when the shit comes out, it comes OUT man”
“The shit just comes outta your ass man, hell yeah”
It’s like when Bush would go on about freedom, only somehow smarter.
All that’s from the first 45 seconds, by the way. He’s got eight more minutes to go, and it’s almost entirely repeats of what he just said. It’s oddly hypnotic, especially when he starts loudly cackling because even after decades of shitting, it’s still awesome and hilarious to him. We could all use a shot of this guy’s enthusiastic innocence, even if we need to down a dozen shots of whiskey to get there.
Then out of nowhere, he throws a curveball: “Imagine if you were a HORSE, and you took a big huge shit on the floor!”
Finally, some variety. Though personally, if I were a horse, I wouldn’t shit on the floor. Rather, I would shit on the first jackass to attempt to ride me by stabbing me with those stupid fucking spurs they stick on their boots to look cool and tough.
Because simply shoving those things up their asses isn’t inventive enough.
And why are we stopping with a horse? Since your criteria is simply “big animal, big shit,” why not rant about elephants? Or whales? Or even a Gigantosaurus? You’re selling yourself short by ranting about the defecation habits of an animal only slightly larger than you.
Later on, he sings about shit and how it “stinks, but smells so good.” He also proudly proclaims he likes to eat his own shit. This makes sense, since he crows on and on about it, but never once does he mention flushing the toilet. You have to get rid of it somehow though.
If you enjoyed this, feel free to browse the other 50+ videos in his repertoire. There, he tackles subjects as diverse as:
Shit Coming Out Your Ass
Taking a shit
Pee (including one where he literally pisses on the floor)
Something Called “Nightquil”
His New Charger
If you’ve got a thing for balding poop fetishists staring at instruction manuals, this is the video for you.
And, of course, shit. You will never meet anybody who loves one thing as much as this guy loves anal waste. You love your spouse, your kid, your pet? Prove it: go on YouTube and film a few dozen videos where all you do is say you love them over and over again. Punctuation via belching and floor-pissing is entirely optional, though highly recommended.