If you’re a dude, and you masturbate, then listen to this important news. If you’re a dude and you do not masturbate, then you are not alive and thus unable to read this blog.
I just read this, straight from a website called healthystrokes.com
Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome (TMS) is the habit some males have of masturbating in a face-down (prone) position by rubbing their penises against the mattress, pillow, or other bedding. Some rub against the floor.
Okay, you have my attention, please continue…
Masturbating face-down puts excessive pressure on the penis. These sensations are not easily replicated in conventional masturbation or in sexual intercourse. This can make TMS practitioners unable to have normal sexual relations. A survey conducted for this website revealed that males who masturbate conventionally have sex 6.6 times more often than TMS practitioners.
What?!?! 6.6 Times! Unable to have normal sexual relations!!! How could no one have ever said anything about this to me before?! Why didn’t they teach this shit in sixth grade when I had my first “summer of love?!”…Not that I masturbate by humping a pillow…cause I don’t. That would be silly. I was just concerned that I didn’t know because I could tell the people who do masturbate like this about it…not that I talk to people about mastur…Forget I posted this.