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Michael Jackson: A Tribute to the King of Pop

 
Here at Holy Taco, we love Michael Jackson like ugly girls love being bitchy. We understand that he had some dark moments later in life, but his influence on pop music and culture can not be ignored.  Let’s face it, any artist who can inspire an entire Filipino prison to re-enact one of his videos has made an impression on the world.  Therefore, we decided to pay tribute to Michael by highlighting some of his lesser-known works, which are just as awesome as his undeniably awesome music videos.
 
Moonwalker the Movie
  
 
The trailer for Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker looks like an orgy of everything that you’ve ever considered awesome.  Remember how badass the T-1000 was in Terminator 2?  Well imagine if that T-1000 was Michael Jackson.  Remember how awesome Transformers are?  Well imagine if Michael Jackson was a Transformer.  Y’know how you and your friends are always talking about how neat it is when cool, leather-clad rabbits ride motorcycles? Well imagine if that rabbit was Michael Jackson.  Throw in Joe Pesci as a nefarious villain and some super-sweet claymation, and you can’t go wrong.  Moonwalker even manages to work in some of Michael’s music videos, to kill time and entertain simultaneously.
 
 
The Asian Scooter Commercial
  
 

It seems like a bunch of Suzuki executives got together with their ad agency to try to come up with a great commercial for their fairly lame scooter.  They sat around for hours, racking their brains for a great idea, and then someone finally said (in Asian), "Hey, how about if we just have the piece of crap scooter thing sitting there, and then we get Michael Jackson to just dance around it for a few seconds." and then somebody else said, "Hell yeah! I’d buy the f*ck out of that scooter!" This is the alluring power of Michael Jackson in his heydey: his presence alone could sell even the shittiest of shitty scooters.
 
 
The California Raisins Commercial
  
 
Michael Jackson didn’t exactly ooze masculinity, but somehow he managed to make women go absolutely apeshit.  This video of Michael as a California Raisin illustrates that phenomenon perfectly.  Just one thrust of his claymation raisin pelvis sends the chubby strawberry into a frenzy, presumably causing her to jam in her panties.  I have no idea how the hell this sold any raisins at all, or even if they really needed big-budget television commercials to sell raisins in the first place, but I’d be willing to bet that, after this commercial aired, raisins flew off the shelves like they contained the cure to cancer.
 
 
Moonwalker: The Video Game
  
 
The pitch meeting for this video game probably went something like this:
 
MANAGER:  "Um, okay, so the game is about Michael Jackson walking into a club full of hookers, little girls, and bad guys in suits…but the bad guys in suits aren’t really that threatening, and neither are the hookers.  But if they get close to Michael, then he squeals and shoots glitter out of his pants and they die.  Oh, and if he rams his crotch into enough little girls, a monkey with a gun jumps up on his shoulders and helps him.  That’s about it.  Oh! Wait! Sometimes he jumps on a piano and does a dance number, along with the bad guys in suits, who accompany him."
 
EXECUTIVE:  "I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the olde-timey cash register sounds going off in my head.  You said ‘Michael Jackson’ and ‘Moonwalker’, right?  $old!"
 
 
The L.A. Gear Commercial
  
 
I remember seeing this commercial when I was a kid, and it absolutely worked on me.  I made my mom take me to the store and buy me a pair of L.A. Gear tennis shoes as soon as I could.  Also, the shoes had lights on them that blinked everytime you took a step!  How cool was that?!  One of things I like most about this commercial is that it seems like, when confronted with what is clearly just a faulty street light, Michael Jackson’s first plan of action is to dance until the light explodes, and not only does his plan work perfectly, but he even gets a round of applause from a child afterward.  All in all, it seems like it was a bad night for the local power company, and a great night for Michael, thanks to his sweet L.A. Gear shoes.
 

8 Responses to "Michael Jackson: A Tribute to the King of Pop"

  1. That Jackass says:

    Ingenious Shizzire I really didn’t care for his music and after the whole race change and child molesation problem he became an idol of hate for me and when he died the sun came out and everyone jioned hands and sang

    heres a micheal jackson joke
    When fara fawcet went to heaven god said he would grant her one wish she said “i just want all of the kids to be safe” then micheal jackson dies

  2. Shizzire says:
      Moonwalker translations:

    He comes from a place beyond the stars
    He comes from Hollywood

    To take them to a world beyond their dreams
    To take young boys to Neverland

    From his soul comes the music
    He’s plays music to lure in the young boys

    From his heart comes the beat
    If the music doesn’t work he uses “spiritual wines”

    Now from the imagination of Michael Jackson comes a movie like no other
    Hide your children, Michael Jackson has some money to burn

    Michael…. Jackson….
    Michael…. Jackson….

    Nothing could prepare you for his movie Moonwalker
    You’ll be in therapy for years.

    Its written in the stars
    You’ll settle out of court

  3. That Jackass says:

    Or hes fucking freak and its good that hes dead

  4. PierreA says:

    After reading many stories about MJ, I now understand him in a different perspective. He never lived like the life we have. As young as 11, he already started to work with a very strict father that he never had a normal childhood. Until his death, controversies still haunt him. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop and perhaps the best selling artist of all time, has passed away at the tender age of 50. The internet has flooded with searches for Michael Jackson children photos, as the fate of his children is a subject of intense speculation. Many are concerned with who will assume responsibility for Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson. Prince and Paris were fathered with ex-wife Debbie Rowe, and who knows if the children will need cash loans after their late father’s debts are settled. They may revert to the custody of Katherine Jackson, Michael’s mother, and fans may give pay day loans to get the results of autopsy for closure over what happened to Michael Jackson.

  5. CaptHowdy says:

    This is very sad.. MJ was amazing

    Must See!!!

    http://captain-hash.mybrute.com

    I warn you, this shit is addictive.

  6. Anonymous says:

    This is sad on so many levels. It was sad to watch him go from the best in the world to a joke. I grew up with the Thriller album and still play it all the time. I will never get sick of “Beat It” or the “Thriller” video, and Off The Wall still rocks my world too.

    PS — Shizzire, go sit on a bear trap.

    Saturday unabated

  7. Disgusted. says:

    Nice. You built a tribute to pedophilia.