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Michele Bachmann May Want to Serially Murder You

Crazy eyed Michele Bachmann

Michelle Bachmann is not just diabolically stupid, she’s diabolical.  Just the regular kind.  Plus stupid, but you can read about that anywhere.  Remember when she said there were no studies that showed CO2 was a dangerous gas?  Ha ha…yeah.  But now is not the time for laughter, now is the time for terror!  Void your bowels now in peace for there will be panic shits to come if you don’t.


Michele Bachmann may, in fact, be a serial murderer.  We’re not saying she is.  We’re saying she may be.  That’s not actionable at all.  So go with it.  But why would we say such a thing?  Why not call Palin a serial killer (potentially)?  Or Mitt Romney?  Because no other GOP candidate (and very few currently serving elected officials) are so dubiously obsessed with death and murderers.

Vote for Manson

crazy charles manson

Hyperbole is a big part of politics, not because it’s essential, or even necessary.  In fact, it’s detrimental, but we now quietly acquiesce to living in a world where we not only condone outrageous lies from our elected officials, we expect them.  We make jokes.  We do nothing to change it.  Fun!  And part of this also includes all the even more insane rants from a politician’s supporters.  Indeed, some of the voting public is actually more insane than the person they vote for, if you can wrap your head around that.


Given what we know of the public who may support Michele Bachmann, it’s not entirely surprising that one would actually approach her and say he’d sooner vote for Charles Manson than Barack Obama, which is an entirely rational thing to say.  After all, Manson is only batshit insane with a swastika carved into his forehead and a serial killer.  Obama wants you to pay for other people’s healthcare.  Villain!


When confronted with this supporter’s statement, rather than distance herself, she thanked him and decided to use some of his talking points to support her position.  Because statistics spouted by the kind of person who haphazardly invokes Charles Manson as a superior alternative to the sitting President are probably wholly reliable.  Yes sir.


Researching Flu Epidemics

 pig nosed flu masks

Not so long ago, Michele Bachmann pointed out to us all that, before Obama, we hadn’t had an outbreak of swine flu since Jimmy Carter was in office.  Jimmy Carter, who you may remember, was also a Democrat.  A Democrat who, you may remember, got into office on a platform of killing every man, woman and child in America with swine flu.  Just like Obama.  Coincidence?  Ha, I don’t think so.


Seems that every time a Democrat shows up, people get swine flu.  Except for during Clinton’s presidency.  And Carter’s too, actually, since it was during Ford’s time in office that the last outbreak occurred.  But nevermind that.


Most media outlets focused on the utter idiocy of this statement, the complete stupidity of linking swine flu outbreaks to Democrats, especially when she didn’t even get it right and the last outbreak was under a Republican.  What they ignored was that Michele Bachmann has been studying massive disease outbreaks in her spare time.  That she has a sickness obsession of some kind. Or maybe just the idea of a massive biological incident appeals to her.  Maybe she’d like to have some of that flu in a cup on the subway.  Maybe she’d blame it on Al Gore.


Shot Heard Round the World

 revolutionary war dude

Continuing her pattern of saying the wrong thing pretty much every time her lip dribbles open, Bachmann was noted for speaking in New Hampshire and making reference to it being the place where the shot heard round the world took place, a reference to the beginning of the Revolutionary War.


Since the event Bachmann was referring to actually took place in Massachusetts, she came off looking like a bit of an idiot again and her knowledge of American history was raked over the media coals.  Again, distracting from the fact her talking points really seem to obsess over death.  Why does she need to constantly make mention of war, disease and murder and then get the facts wrong?


Death of Elvis

 evlis and nixon shaking hands

Back in August, Bachmann took the time to wish the King a happy birthday.  This was, in fact, the anniversary of Elvis’ death.  Why take the time to call out an event, either the birth or death, of a man who’s been dead since 1977?  She was in South Carolina at the time, not Graceland or Elvis’ birthplace so it’s not as though a mention of Elvis would have been expected by anyone.  And, of course, the media merely took the piss out of her for mixing up the dates and not the fact she decided to, totally unbidden, invoke the death of a rock n roll singer.



 child getting vaccinated

Michele Bachmann, on purpose, has said that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation.  Those were her words.  She said this out loud, in public.  On purpose.


In the US, HPV causes about 4,000 deaths a year.  Worldwide, it causes over a quarter of million.  There is a vaccine to prevent it, but Michele Bachmann does not want you to take that vaccine because it will cause mental retardation.  Except it doesn’t.  It never has in the history of ever.  However, some lady told her it did. Literally, that was her source.  She admitted that a woman came up to her after a debate and told her that the vaccine disabled her daughter, and Bachmann, a Presidential candidate with an international platform, repeated it


Despite evidence that the vaccine is perfectly safe and saves lives, Michelle Bachmann does not want anyone to take it.  Here again, media focused on her idiotic sourcing of non-facts, and not her motivation.  Why exactly does she want everyone to die?


The Spirit of John Wayne Gacy

 serial killer john wayne gacy in clown makeup

Bachmann’s most famous idiot statement concerns serial killer John Wayne Gacy.  During a stop in Waterloo, Iowa, Bachmann pointed out that John Wayne was from Waterloo and that’s the kind of spirit she has, too.  There was much scrambling to account for this statement after it was made.  On one side, people pointed out that the serial killer used to live in Waterloo, but not John Wayne the cowboy.  Others, coming to Bachmann’s defense, managed to scrounge up the fact that John Wayne’s parents did, in fact, once live in Waterloo, so that’s probably what she meant.


First and foremost, no, that’s not what she meant.  Michele Bachmann is quite clearly such an idiot, a person stupid on such an insane level, that she saw the words “John Wayne” somewhere and just assumed it meant the Duke.  I guarantee that’s what happened.  She’s a dullard.  If this article has shown nothing else (even though it has), it’s that Bachmann routinely, almost reliably, says things that have not been researched by anyone who can read at even a 5th grade level.  When she makes these mistakes, it’s not out of context or a misunderstanding, she’s legitimately an idiot.  But there’s more to it.  She’s sinister.


Bachmann has a rampant death obsession.  So what if every time she brings it up it makes her sound stupid?  No one said serial killers couldn’t be idiots.  It’s a myth, in fact, that serial killers have above average intelligence.  They don’t.  They can test from borderline to above average, just like anyone else in society.  But serial killers do have a compulsion, and Bachmann seems to have a need to focus herself around death, killers and suffering.  We can only pray that she’s too stupid to properly operate a knife.

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