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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (Mid Season Finale)

OMG, fog and  a scream!  And zombie feet!  It’s a great day to be a zombie.  Also, this chick is so sloppy looking even for a zombie, but what the hell is this?  Who are these people?  This show has no rules at all.  New people run and then…are they at the prison?  I really never looked at the prison before, is it red brick?  I don’t pay attention to fine details, I’m a big picture guy.

The Guv has a moment with his zombie daughter whilst listening to music and it’s delightful until he realizes she just wants to eat brains and it makes him all unhappy.  Then Glenn decides it’s time to man-up and Magyver himself a weapon out of a zombie’s ulna.

Rick and Michonne head into town and just bumble around because Michonne can’t find jack.  Then Glenn and Maggie sort of escape but not really!  Oops! At least one guy dies though.  Oh, and the Southern Gentleman prisoner seems to be a perv.  Just when things seem to be at their worst for Glenn, it’s a rescue!  Finally.

Michonne runs off alone, the Guv tries to distract Andrea and where the hell did everyone get grenades from? Do they have those in prisons?  I can’t see smoke bombing a prison being a good idea.  Oh well.  The escape is very slow and shooty and full of near misses and scenes of shit almost happening but then not happening.  Naturally the only guy to die is the guy whose name you didn’t know.

Michonne finds the scary room full of heads, so that’s something.  Carl rescues those new people as an aside, and then back to Michonne who discovers Penny, with a sack on her head, and unchains her before taking the sack off of her head.  No one would ever do that.  God, that’s ridiculous.

The Guv shows up and to show her good will, Michonne stabs Penny through the back of the skull.  They fight and the Guv loses an eye thanks to a chunk of fish tank glass.  Later we learn everyone else made it over the wall, so as to not allow us to question exactly how Darryl got out of town when it looked pretty much hopeless there, but whatever.

Andrea and Michonne square off for a moment that is anticlimactic and proves Andrea is as observant as a trout.  The room is full of zombie heads you idiot.  Why is this even happening?  How stupid are we to believe this woman is?  She’s deficient beyond reason.

Anyway, the Guv gets over his eye stabbing literally in minutes.  He lost an eye, a chunk of glass went right into his skull and whatever, gauze it up.  No biggie.  He was stabbed with glass from a fish tank that a severed but still living head was kept in.  He needs ointment and bed rest.

Merle comes in and says that Rick and crew escaped and that he’ll go after them tomorrow because I guess he TiVo’d some cool shows and wants to watch them before it gets too late.  The Guv looks unhappy to hear this.

Outside town, Rick and crew are waiting for Darryl but he’s a no show.  Michonne shows up however and looks like shit and they get crusty with each other for a minute and it’s ant-climactic.  Then back in town, in Thunderdome, the Guv tells everyone he’s afraid the there are terrorists and it seems like a really ham fisted way to liken the Governor to, say, conservative politicians who try to scare middle America with talk of the evils of outsiders, of terrorists out to get us and yadda yadda.

The Guv calls out Merle as a traitor because I have no idea why, and then he pulls out Daryl!  Twist!  And then the show ends and it won’t be on again until February because I still have no idea why.  Ugh.

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