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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (S3 E4)

After last week’s journey to meet the Governor, this week we’re back at the prisoner with a dead deer and two hungry zombies as someone shuffles around the prison yard leaving zombie treats because zombies go for carrion like ET going after Reese’s Pieces, apparently.  Who’s this grisly deer hunter anyway and is anyone going to be squealing like a pig?  I have no idea, the intro was very short.  But whoever it is has great aim because they plunked two zombies right in the melon with a rock.  Good shot.

Back from commercial and the felons hate living in a wing of zombies so naturally they have to be kicked right out of the prison.  You remember the felons – the southern gent and the other black guy.  Say, the show has two black guys now!  Yay!

Quick jump to the Governor’s camp and Michonne is messing around in other people’s business.  Say, why did the national guard jeep get shot full of holes if zombies attacked, she asks the Governor.  Like a derp.  Listen, he’s obviously shady, why tip your hat that you know he’s shady?

Back at the prison it’s time to clean out the uard but apparently all Glenn and Maggie do is hump in the guard tower.   As we take Hershel for a walk, oh shit, zombies are literally everywhere now.  Damn saboteurs!  And T Bag gets bit because there’s another black guy on the show!  Oh shit!

Back at the Governor’s ranch, Andrea is telling Merle where they were on the farm and sort of grossly flirting, because Andrea is an idiot maybe.  Or maybe it’s a ruse, I dunno.  Her and Michonne talk about going to the coast, so I have no idea what’s going on there.  Something silly ass, I assume.  Everyone knows you don’t flee to an island, what if it’s a zombie island?

At the prison, all hell is breaking loose.  Alarms are going off, gates are busted open, clearly there’s an asshole in the building.  And not just Lori, who chooses now to go into labor.  Incidentally, that birth scene looked an awful lot like a sex scene and I felt uncomfortable.  She’s standing, bend forward, holding a pipe while someone kneels behind her?  Weird, yo.

T Bag decides to be a hero and gets eaten a second time in what is absolutely his swan song and Merle wants to go scouting but the Governor says no because he’s a crazy shit and you do what he says.  Graarh!

Andrea is on a date with the Governor and this actress cannot do tough.  I think they cast her because they think she can do tough, but it comes across as bullshit.  She seems like an assclown.

Back at prison of shit, Ja Rule is still alive!  And., wait, nope, he’s dead.

Lori is still in labor and I don’t care.  I’m ending this paragraph and I am going to go get a drink.  Whatever happens happens, I didn’t see it.  When I come back with my drink this shit is still happening.  Ugh, I don’t care.  I get that it’s a big, emotional moment but Lori I a terrible character and I am not interested.

Wait, what the hell?  Listen, this is based on soruce material.  Don’t call it the Walking Dead if you’re going to make up shit as you go along.  For instance, none of that happened in the book.  Carl had to shoot Lori in the head?  Are you shitting me?  What?  WHAT?  Oh man.  Just…whatever.

Next week, something else happens.  Whatever.

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